Hey, I just really need to get this out here where I know there are people who understand how totally frustrating this Fm pain can be especially at the holidays when everybody is looking at you to forget about your 'probelm' be happy cause it's a happy time. Every Christmas I flare up and its so soul destroying cause I feel do it to myself but the pain is very real and I do not control it. I think my flare ups at this time of year came about when I thought to myself once 'would'nt it be terrible if I had a bad spell at christmas?' then I stressed out about that happening so much that my neck tensed up and now that same cycle seems to happen every year. This year it feels worse though because I remember thinking a week a ago ' I can NOT have a Christmas as painful as the others have been' and I've done it again! because of my worry, again! AARAGGH! I just wanna kick myself! mind you I have already done that in a round about sort of way. I just feel really, really alone now. My family considers my obsessiveness to be the main culprit for all my bad spells. And they know all about my christmas cycle so even though they don't say it I can see "I told you so" written all over their faces each year. I feel like I'm trapped in a nightmare at the moment because I've decided not to tell anyone that I'm having a bad spell now. I don't mean to sound like a total martyr but I'm doing it because I feel like such a burden when I watch them trying to take my pain into consideration when they are just trying to enjoy themselves. It feels like the holiday has become all about me! My sis even said yesterday " Its your first Christmas without pain Romey we have to celebrate!" it just made make me feel so guilty and depressed and lonely. I'm sorry for going on and on and sounding so negetive I just needed to let it all out.