To all the wonderful people who responded to my post

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KarenL47520, Mar 26, 2003.

  1. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    thank you so much for all your kind and loving words. God I hate this DD and what it is doing to me and what it is robbing from me. John gave me my pain med supply for today and he has the rest of them.

    The other day when I took the overdose, I calculated how much I thought it would take and I took that amount. I was so angry at everything and hurting so much emotionally as well as physically. After I took the pills, I went to give all my ferrets a hug and a kiss, had to wake them up to do that. Then I held and loved my favorite cats, petted and said goodby to the others, said goodby to my dog and then took my favorite wedding pix that is framed and sat and held it and waited for it to be over. As I felt myself going out, something in me began to fight. No, this is not the answer, don't do this to yourself and to John. Something kept telling me to fight, don't let yourself go to sleep, get up, move around, get something to eat, something to drink, don't go to sleep, don't go to sleep. And so I did what the inner urges were telling me and I didn't check out.

    I am so angry with my mom, we had a fight that day. My sister is acting stupid with her one-up me games. But what counts I guess is that I am still here.

    I am thinking about going back into therapy to help me with this. I have no desire to work on my old issues, the incest and the physical abuse. But one thing is for sure, I am becoming agorphobic, afraid to leave the house. I have given up driving after what happened on Sunday.

    I had the most wonderful dream last night. I don't know where I was but I was walking and I kept falling down. I would get up and walk a few steps and fall again. John appeared out of nowhere and picked me up and carried me. Next thing I knew we were in a mall and he was still carrying me. I told him, you can't carry me to every store in the mall. Yes I can he said, I will carry you where ever you want to go. I got such a great feeling out of that drea. Maybe it was a sign that John will be here for me because I have been worried that this would all become too much for him and he would leave me.

    Sorry for all the rambling. I will shut up for now. I just want everyone to know your words of kindness and love mean a lot to me. I feel like you all are my extended family. Possibly I have lost my relationship with mom and my sister and so be it if I have. I will have you all as my family.

    Karen Lee











  2. phenom

    phenom New Member

    i'm so glad you're feeling motivated to do something about this. that is really good. the first step is the hardest and you've done it!!! well done and good luck, you'll be in my thoughts.

    phenom
  3. bejo

    bejo New Member

    I'm so happy that you're feeling better and ready to go on.Sometimes our blood family can make things so much harder for us.My sister and I don't get along at all.So I just don't go around her.Sometimes that's the only way it can be.I'm like you,the people here are family.Keep us posted on how things are going.((((((for you)))))))) bejo
  4. baby-bear

    baby-bear New Member

    I loved reading this post to us. YOU ARE WELCOME!!!! please, please dont ever do that again...(taking those pain killers). So much at one time can ruin your liver too. Anyway, fight the problems...I have for a long time and its finally paying off. Of course, I dont have a family like yours either...my best advice is when they start that abuse towards you..just hang up the phone...disconnect it and don't give them the time of day; or tell them to leave your presence....wherever they are. Write anytime...many care about you here...Pammy!
  5. PatPalmer

    PatPalmer New Member

    I understant completely how you feel. You really do have my love and sympathy.

    I wonder if your dream was really your inner self speaking to you? - You carried yourself and have a remarkable strength of character to have overcome the overdose. I think you must be a very special person with something yet to be achieved in life.

    I say this because 15 years ago I was very depressed, had a huge row with my ex-husband and Mother in-law, I took a huge overdose, - they didn`t believe me and went out for the whole day!
    I had two very young children that never slept at the time...
    Fortunately, much later in the day I couldn`t stop throwing up...

    I divorced the b*****d 8 years ago and am incredibly happy with a new hubby now.
    My daughter lives with me, is 18, but has had CFS for over 3 years now.
    She has really needed me in her life, and would definately not have had the love and understanding I have. She was very rebellious and difficult at the age of 13-15, till she fell ill. I shudder to think I may not have been here for her.

    My sisters were distant and totally ignored my daughter at my Wedding 2 1/2 yrs ago.
    Because of their attitude I fell out with both of them, thinking I really don`t care. It`s easier not to have the stress in dealing with them.

    My one sister fell ill with cancer 2 yrs ago and last year I sent a letter in an effort to build bridges, but no answer. So fear of rejection kept me away.
    She died on Tuesday and I so wish I had made a bigger effort. Her funeral is next Thursday and am having great difficulty emotionally.
    But I`m not sure if given the time again if I would be any different, Family can be a stress and add to your illness.
    Not sure why I`ve told you all this, just venting I guess.

    If they want a relationship, Family have to be understanding and supportive as you would no doubt be, don`t they? We`re all strong characters and my sisters have always been selfish, so bound to clash...

    I`m proud of you for hanging on in there Karen, and sincerely wish you better health soon.

    Love Pat.
  6. teawah

    teawah New Member

    won't go away from hearing your dream. Karen I am so proud of you!!!!! You have come through to the other side and I hope to heaven that you hold on to this feeling and remember that John would miss you and probably blame himself if anything happenned to you. Please hug him for me. I wish I had someone that cared for me that way.

    You truly are blessed and you didn't even see it. Like I said, I am so proud.

    Hang in there and please let us know on a regular basis how you are doing.

    You are loved
    teawah
  7. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    Karen,

    First, I am sorry I did not reply to your post yesterday. I was struggling with my own "suicidal ideations", and so I posted about that.

    I did reply to your post back on the 20th. I still meant everything I said to you in it.......

    Reading your post here today.......your description of saying goodbye to your pets....just about did me in! I just burst into tears! I don't know if you have read any of my posts.....but I am struggling pretty hard, with NO family support. My pets are EVERYTHING TO ME, and, because I am alone.......if I were to decide to take an overdose, I would make sure that my pets were in new homes first!

    But my pets are what keep me alive every single day. They are the reason I get out of bed. They are my joy! They never leave my side! It just amazes me how they follow me from room to room, and stay in the same room with me 99% of the time! I am always surrounded by my fur children!

    I am so glad you have John! Your dream also brought me to tears. I, too, have been having MAJOR dreams lately. But I am so glad for you that you have such a wonderful man in your life! God sent him to you!

    I will stop now.....just wanted to say I am glad to see you are still with us, and that you did not leave John and your sweet human and fur family behind!

    Blessings!

    Vickie