Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by inthemoment, Oct 29, 2007.

  1. inthemoment

    inthemoment New Member

    Hi I have been reading posts and many people mention that they feel guilty for being sick and the effect it has on their kids. First I'll tell you I have no children. Time got away from m e and with my husband and I working nights we wanted to wait until better circumstances to have children. I then started feeling ill and have been advised that childbirth or raising a child would not be a good choice for me. On the other hand my Dad had severe RA and was diabetic my entire childhood. He was forced to quit his job due to his disabilities, the ins company then classed him as uninsurable, then the dmv revoke his drivers license, all of this in under a year. Oh yeah and my mom was pregnant. But heres the kicker. My dad was my dad. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that my childhood was a lot different then others and by that time I only had admiration for everything he went through in his life and pride for him being my daddy. Sadly I was only 13 when my dad died. 2 days after my birthday. I miss him everyday and become blue every year this time of year, sometimes before I even realize why. Back to my point just love your children and be parents. Kids have lots of friends and only 2, and sometimes 1 parent and as long as you are parenting them to the best of your ability you won't mess up and they will see as adults how big your sacrifices were for them. Good luck to all and I hope this coming from an adult woman raised by a "disabled" dad will ease your emotional pain and let you be a mommy or a daddy. Love to all. p.s. my mother was great too.
  2. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Good Point. Thanks for sharing your point of view on this, that's what I love about this support board. I never thought of it this way.

  3. allie_24

    allie_24 New Member

    In a sense I can understand what you are saying.I have children they are young adults now and to see them growing and becoming their own person is a huge adjustment.
    I would give anything for one more day of them playing on the floor with their toys.
    My kids have seen me sick for many years as a matter of fact it's pretty much all they've known but I will say they are wonderful and very helpful to me. YES it does get on their nerves to see mom sick so often. Sometimes they don't want to be home (they've told me) but I understand.
    I wish things were different but they are what they are and I am blessed to have been able to have children..if I waited longer I would not have been able to have children. When I was a kid I didn't want to be home it was not because my father was sick...he was ignorant and selfish.
    My father is still alive BUT he chose to stay out of our lives (his kids and grandkids). He went on to have more children for the life of me I will never understand why he had more children. He is treating them the same way he did us...terrible. We were his gofers (go for this go for that get me this or that).
    Life is tough but when you throw illnesses into it and a painful childhood it gets harder.

    I'm sorry for the loss of dad at such a young age it sounds like he was a special man as is your mom. And I'm sorry you never had children.
    Can you become a Big sister to someone? There are so many kids out there who are in need of a supportive ear or shoulder. I know our illnesses can make it harder to think of something like this but I thought I'd throw the idea out there.
    God Bless you for thinking of others you sound like a remarkable woman.
  4. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Thank you for this post....I needed this today. I have 3 children (all under 8) and I often wonder if I'm not doing enough for them. I carry a lot of guilt which is probably just a waste of my energy. I pretty much try to keep the dd to myself so they don't have to worry about it.

    We must be doing a good job, because they are happy, healthy, well-adjusted children. Sometimes, this is a thankless job (parenting) but I know someday, they will understand when they have children of their own (I know I do now.....)