Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by S-Elaine, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. S-Elaine

    S-Elaine Member


    To anyone who has been following the twists and turns I have gone through over the past 2 months, I have already learned a great deal........ THANKFULLY!

    I am still scrambling around to find a new FMS Specialist and will continue to go through doctor after doctor, until I find the right one. So far I have called 22 Doctors and ALL of them have said, "No, they would not prescribe the medication I take daily."

    After my Counseling session yesterday, I stopped off at my Pharmacy to pick up the “Official Pharmacy Medication List” (s).

    I needed all of them back to the year of 2004. The Pharmacist signs them, so you can utilize each one as your PROOF of medications you have been on each year.

    It will outline for the new Doctors I meet, all of the prior sleep medications that were tried on me and they were unsuccessful.

    Then is will show in the year of 2006 is when the FMS Specialist I was working with, find my “sleep meds combo” and it has NEVER changed in all of the years following.

    I stopped off at Staples and copied all of my Medical Records dating back to 2004 as well.

    I have a package of material for each upcoming appointment I scheduled for an Initial Consultation with a Sleep Disorder physician.

    Hopefully he will be intelligent enough to realize when it comes to SLEEP, every medication imaginable was tried on me previously and they were unsuccessful.

    Perhaps he may agree to take me on as a new Patient as well.

    ~~~~ Otherwise, with all of my Medical Records, I will continue along until some Specialist says ----- OK.

    Through all of my ups and downs not only over these past 2 months, yet throughout the past few years, I have had time to “reflect” and this is what I have LEARNED ..... for myself personally.

    == I no longer will take on any “Parental Role” responsibilities. That is not my job and I am one of the Children.

    == I have stopped asking WHY to my family members because none of them have any answers.

    == I have learned I cannot take my attention or focus off of myself. I have a life to move on to and I get the opportunity to make of it ----- “What I WANT, not what somebody else wants or not what somebody else THINKS I should do for them.”

    == For each family member of mine that I have helped out in the past, not one is coming forward and lending a helping hand to me.

    == I accept this and do not dwell on it. I chalk all of it up to ---- ME just knowing better now. Therefore, I can make more wise decisions from here on out.

    == My past events are OVER and I have already moved on to a much HAPPIER place myself.

    == I feel strong and confident. I will use all of this an everlasting “Learning Lesson”.

    == I have found “Art Therapy” to be something I enjoy and continue with it. (---- Yes, I still draw Stick People!! ---- ) A Counselor in the Hospital told me it is not about your drawing abilities, it is about WHAT you put down on the paper.

    == Since I am back on Lyrica, my Flare Up physical pain is “tolerable”, so I have nothing to complain about. On some days I do have to use my Walker & that is OK too because just like my Dad taught me many years ago ------- “It is a means of transportation and can take you any were you want to go!”

    == Regarding those family members of mine who never understood me anyway or who just did not get it ( ------ even though I kept repeating myself more than numerous times -----), I accept that as well.

    == I am so THRILLED to be back on Lyrica and know going back to work will be a 100% DEFINATE for me, eventually!

    == YEAH, and with that and having a Part Time job or Full Time job, then I can get a Mortgage and finally buy a Townhouse or Condo. Heck, I have been saving for 23 years, so my monthly Mortgage will be low!

    == Those 2 items listed above have been my DREAM for a long time.

    == I still have my side job & my Cousin just gave me some new inventory. She will also be sending me more because she is cleaning out her house & has so many collectibles or “brand name” items.

    == I plan on continuing with all of my Treatment After Care, which includes my Counseling as well as seeing a Psychiatrist.

    == I’m willing to climb a MOUNTAIN if necessary!

    == Finally, I have PEACE in my life and it is wonderfully amazing.

    == Each day I focus on myself and make some time for FUN!

    == My neighbor even pinned down somebody who will go to the Concert with me when they finally come to a town locally or some where near by me! In the meantime, I watch their concert clips on YouTube.

    All of the above is what I have been doing and I will continue with for how ever long it takes.

    Today was a TRUE TEST for me. As I am pulling into my Development, guess WHO was in the car at the stop light??? It was THOSE 2 people who will never be in any aspect of my life.

    My reaction was ------ I focused on the road, turned up the STEREO and drove home listening to music and SANG along, ( ---- poorly of course ----).

    I did NOT allow that to ruin my day one bit. I honestly could care less what they think of me or how they feel. Nothing about them even matters to me anymore.

    The “burden” of family members dragging me down, negativity, or those who are toxic have been LIFTED from my shoulders because I have permanently removed them from my life and made peace with everything. I no longer respond to the "guilt trips" my Mother used on me in the past. I stand firmly on my ground of ..... "I will NOT have anything to do with HER because I just do not want to!"

    I have surrounded myself with positive people. Friends, neighbors, J. Smith and am taking time to rest as much as I can.

    That is my LENGTHY update.

    ****NOTE TO SELF: Try to edit my messages down before I post them! They are always too, too long.

    HUGS to ALL,
    == Elaine[This Message was Edited on 02/05/2010]
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your are focused and determined. Good for you.

    Hard to detach oneself from a toxic family and still live nearby. I am
    reading a book of rules for living by a psychiatrist. One of the things he
    says is: The statue of limitations on childhood trauma has run.

    If he thinks damage done in childhood goes away when people grow up,
    he must not be listening to what his patients say.

    I think taking copies of your records to new doctors is a good idea. I am
    slightly less organized. I wrote on the back of a business card the meds I
    take and the surgeries I've had. That's the extent of my preparation.

    Best of luck
  3. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    So glad to hear from you and happy that you are doing so much better. I love the outline of you life to be. I agree with alal that you said. Unfortunatly, I do not have much time to write right now as I need to run to Wally World :) ! Hope to add more later on.

    Glad the Lyrica is helping you somewhat. I know that every little bit helps and to hear that JS is still in your life. Sorry about your Mom but you need to do what is best for YOU my dear and glad you now know that for sure. I can't believe that none of your family has tried to help you through this except possibly your mom, in her own way that was not to helpful at times.

    When I finally got dx with FM and CMPS after having it about 25 years or so, I actually was Dxed right away since I also brought all my tests with me and had a good history to tell her. I know many rheumys and other docs don't want to fool with anyone with FM , CFS, etc. or just know so little about it they do not want to be bothered.

    So glad to hear from you sweetie. I have been so worried about you and thinking about you alot. More later !!

  4. jole

    jole Member

    So good to hear from you! You know how special you are to all of us, and we wish the very best for you. Such a strong, caring person as yourself certainly deserves much better than you've gotten. It seems families either don't want to understand, or are so busy with their own lives they no longer see us as people.

    Your outline is great....sounds like you've got a wonderful therapist, and you're making good progress. Mine didn't help much, but at the time my cognitive problems were so bad I probably didn't remember what she

    Elaine, the thing that made me the happiest was to hear you've got plans for the future, and that JS is still part of your life. Good for you! You'll make it just fine. You ARE your father's daughter!! He taught you so well. Wish I'd known him, but I'm taking lessons from you........

    Best of ya......Jole
  5. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Phyllis Diller said that once she decided and followed through on removing toxic people from her life.........she became one with all that was good....had peace, relaxed, enjoyed life...

    This is not her exact words, but means the same......

    But one thing I have learned over the years is that many folks had rough bumps in their lifes, that we know nothing about and never spoken of. But we do not have to have toxic vampires sucking our life blood out of us with their gloom and doom. It is hard having a balance with them.

    People who say "I can't" and people who says "I Can"..........are both is hard to know the right paths at times....

    I try to look at the good in people and respond to it and it attracts good people to us

    For now all I can say is that it looks as if you are on a good path.........I am sending Love and prayers to you...............Good Luck,,,,,,,,I say luck, but it is really decisions,,,,,,,,

    Love and Blessings.......Susan
  6. lilaclover30

    lilaclover30 New Member

    i "teared" up when I read what you just wrote. You have it all down right. Take care of yourself---don't worry about anyone else, unless it is JS,---and forgot what those in the family have done to you in the past. All they accomplished was to hurt you, drag you down, and mjake it all worse! I admire you spunk! You are truely a good person.

    Yes, others do havwe bumps and lumps in their lives but, as you said, Susan, we know nothiong of them. i have a friend now that is having a horrid thing in her life but I try to lift her up and that is what I want fr you.

    My love and prayers for you, Elaine. I have thought of all you have gone through for so long and you are still there, facing it all and doing what you think is right.

    Gentle Hugs,