To: Aussiewoman

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Mar 30, 2010.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    You had written before that you eventually ended up having to "leave" your family. How were able to eventually get the guts to do this - and how?
  2. kat211

    kat211 New Member

    I have seen or spoken to my family of origin in over a year. I have received vile voicemails and they have sent my son things to his other grandmother's house, but I haven't returned their calls and I have sent all of the mail back.

    The final straw was back in early february of 2009. My father left me a voicemail out of the blue calling me hateful names and telling me to F off. My son heard it. We thought it was a call to wish him happy birthday. I realized that even though we do not live near them, I could not protect him from the abuse I had suffered at there hands and mouths if I continued to allow contact. So I quit answering their calls. They began to harass my ex and ex-mil. So I wrote them a letter basically stating that I was no longer going to tolerate their abuse and drunken violent outbursts and that unless they received serious verifiable help, they would never see me or my son again. The voice mails have become more hateful as time goes by. They deny any wrong doing. Of course, they also deny my mother had breast cancer, (I'm pretty sure that the surgery and chemo appointments I took her to were not just for show). They also deny my brain injury. My sister told them nothing like what was in my letter ever happened, of course she is untreated bi-polar and she stands to inherit a ton more money with my son and I out of the picture. Her selfish motivations have always been clear.

    Anyhow, I digress. I was able to make the decision that the health and well-being of my son and myself came first. I would not allow him to be subjected to the hate and violence I had always been subjected to. My parents failed to protect me from themselves. I will not fail my son. So I quit their insanity. This was all during the same time I was very ill and trying to find out what was wrong with me.

    Once I let the past and them go, I set myself free. I no longer have anxiety attacks win they call me, because I know they can no longer touch either of us. I took back control of my life. I made the choice who was going to have an influence on me, and they did not make the cut.

    I must say, I am also very careful about what I tell other distant family members. The only person who has my address is my g-ma. She is also the only one who knows the extent of the abuse I have suffered at their hands and mouths.

    My advice, you must take a long hard look at how they affect your life. Then, you must make decide if you want them in your life. Whichever way you decide, stand by yourself, you have the right to decide who is or is not a part of your life. Just because they are your birth family does not mean you owe them anything or have to put up with there stuff.

    You are the only one responsible for you. You have no power over the choices they make, as they shouldn't over yours. Do what is best for you and you alone and the rest will follow.

    It can hurt at first, but once you have space without them, you will know if it was the right decision for you.

    On a side note, I will be filing a police report about their last voice mail. Maybe the police will believe me this time since I am an adult and have the voice mail. Maybe they won't. Either way I know I am doing what I need to do.

    Good luck,
    With love and support,