Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by kjade, Dec 3, 2007.

  1. kjade

    kjade New Member

    Hi Budmickl-
    I wanted to tell you that I saw your post last night on the depression board – I had to shut off my computer to get the kids to bed and I went to bed, but I wanted to reply to you – I just didn’t have time and wanted to think about what to say. Then I went on today to reply and couldn’t find it. I just wanted to thank you for what you said. That was very kind of you to reach out and offer such kind words. I was touched, and wanted to let you know that.

  2. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    Thank you for your note. I just got home from work and saw it.

    I deleted the post because sometimes after I post something, I get to thinking about it and it doesn't seem as important or valuable as when I write it.

    I just want you guys to know that depression wrecks all visions of normalcy.

    Your kids are going to love you regardless.

    I'll share this with you. I love to tell it!

    We (me and the girls) seemed to move every 2 yrs - in a house, then apartment, then back to an apartment. I didn't have the funds to buy a house.

    I always worried that the girls would feel like they were gypped out of 'childhood home' where they would have memories and such.

    About 5 yrs ago, I asked my youngest daughter about it. Her response was "We loved it! Every time we moved, we got new bedspreads and curtains." I was so shocked that she remembered it as a good thing. I was worried I had caused permanent damage that they didn't have a stable place of residence.

    Both kids have said that they consider their grandparents (my parents) house their childhood home. My mom babysat for me and they always used that address for school so they stayed in the same district with their friends.

    Another thing they remember as being fun and a constant in our lives was on Saturday mornings, we would all get up and clean house. I would put away the clutter and do the kitchen. One would dust and the other would vacuum. I hate those chores. Everything else just got done... or not. We always had music on - the radio, the stereo, something. And we all sang and danced and had fun.

    It's good to know that they do have memories they cherish about their childhood. I was so afraid I had warped them. Their father and my sister had convinced me I was worthless and the kids would be better off if they were taken away from me. I guess maybe I wasn't that bad.

    Hang in there, it is dark and it might get darker but sometimes, that is where we have to go to get better.


    I just find that what we obsess about is sometimes what other remember as a good thing.
  3. kjade

    kjade New Member

    .....for sharing your story with me. It really does help me - I can't express enough how much help I get on this board. That is a lovely story about your girls, and I think you should be so proud - not just of them, but of yourself too.

    You said something in the post last night about how you could not believe they turned out as beautiful and wonderful as they did since you always felt you were failing them (that may not have been the exact wording but....) In all reality you know they turned out to be so great because of you. It is hard sometimes I know, to give ourselves any credit, since we tend to obsess about the negative.

    I know you must be a wonderful mother - how sweet it must have been when your daughters told you about their favorite memories - you have done well - be proud!

    PS: I do the same thing when I post some things - they sound good at the time, then I go back and delete because I think it is dumb or pointless. But I did appreciate your kindess.