To Cromwell ;-)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by HppeandMe, Mar 5, 2006.

  1. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Hi Cromwell-

    Thanks for thinking of me. I have not been well with the

    exception of two great days the week before last. My Lyme

    doctor says that means I making progress. I don't even

    really know if I have Lyme. The symptoms of Lyme & Chronic

    Fatigue run hand in hand. I am justing praying I have Lyme

    and this will all go away! I am still on the IV

    medications and they are supposed to be switiching me to a

    Picc Line because all of my veins are now gone. I have not

    rec'd my pd. this month and hope it is to the antibiotics

    because I don't need this right now. I am still holding on

    by just strings because I am really scared I am going to

    lose my husband. How can he deal with this forever? All I

    do is cry uncontrollably when I am around him. I am so

    terrified for my children. I just don't know what to do

    Crom. You are really wonderful for listening to me wine. I

    am at work right now and my eyes burn so b ad. My desk is

    a mess. They want to put someone else in my office

    somewhere and keep asking me to clean but I have no

    energy. My body is failing on me all at 32. I just keep

    screaming to God (or maybe the next door neighbors:) why

    me!!!

    How are you deaking with things these days! I pray better than me!!!

    The best to you my friend!
    Hope
  2. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Just bumping in case you missed my post. Take care Cromwell!
  3. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    I feel so selfish!!! I read somewhere that you too have children. My brain's memory is not working! You are feeling the same emotional pain I am and here I am dumping on you. I feel so bad!!!!! Please dump on me!! Please I really want to know how old are your children? Is your hubby the bread winner? Where are you from?

    Take good care!
    Please know I am here for you too!
  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    yOU ARE NOT DUMPING ON ME SWEETIE. i HAVE ALWAYS FELT A KINSHIP WITH YOU FROM YOUR FIRST POST.

    I feel that your DH could do a lot more for you and just is in that sort of man thing where he won't.

    I know you are constantly living on the edge as he has threatened to leave, I mean this isn't like "give up the booze or I will will leave" this is "Stop being ill or I will leave". I cannot undertand the mentality behind this. He seems to think you have some control over it. I DO think you could have a btter control if he was not adding to the stress. I also recall you have a huge anount of mortgage etc. and his pay just covers the cars?

    Maybe he is under stress due to the debts rather than the illness and is sort of lumping them together(I guess I am giving him a lifeline chance here).

    Hey, this is the USA where everyone has perfect body, perfect teeth, is always happy right???? NOT. I think there is this Disney type illusion here that this is so.

    Was just watching John Edwards on TV yesterday when he was saying 37 million Americans live in near poverty. We know the Hollywood image and the actuality are worlds apart. Unfortunately, we are sort of brainwashed to think the former is the truth.

    I think the IV antibiotics are probably making you more weepy. I feel panicky and weepy just on the CIPRO at the moment and also the pains from fibro are worse on it esp. chest and back pains.

    Is there any way you could have a friend talk with your hubby? Or would be do counseling. Many orgs offer free counseling.

    I think you are overwhelmed. As for work, what happned to your disability claim, as I think you are probably too ill to be in work, I recall it was to be something like $2,000.

    Is there any way you could do rent or lease to own re your house? And move somewhere cheaper....I don't know maybe this would be even more stressful.

    Years ago, I gave a student free board and lodging in exchange for help around the house. Never took advantage of her, let her just help a couple of hours, run a cuple of errands. Really, the extra food was negligable as she ,mainly grabbed fast food, but the company and having her there was wonderful. She was Japanese, and just a doll. Would something like this work?

    Would DH agree to having this type of thing? Or even a roommate? To help pay the bills. You live in an expensive area and often relaly decent people look for roommate situations and will pay a good share for all, if your house is large enough.

    I know this, that the terror of being kept on the edge all the time is worse than having it actually happen. It is like the Sword of Damacles hanging over you.

    I wish you could get someone to talk wiht him. He really needs to stop blaming you and start acting like a true husband and dad. I hate that you blame yourself.

    What does the doc say about the crying? I forget the meds you are on besides the IV stuff(my rheumy just said that he used to use Igenex BTW and stopped lately as when he double checked with other labs doing similar testing, they were getting different results.) He suggests now that anyone testing positive for Lymes gets another good labs opinion, I think Lab Corp and there are others. I am being tested for Lymes right now. Just a thought.

    Apart from saying try and be good to yourself as I know you are not, and just accept you need time and rest, despite DH.

    Also, it is no good arguing with him. It will not work as he is in a fixed mind. Save your energy for yourself and when an argument comes up or when you feel you are begging, just try and develop a strategy to stop. Just go and run a bath, as I hate to feel you are so stressed. Did you gain any weight yet? I worry about this too. People get into the habit of pressing the buttons and if we fail to respond, they have no buttons to press and have to change their own behavior.

    Another tactic, is just to agree. Whatever, just say OK even if you don't mean it. This stops controlling people in their tracks. I do think 50% of this is your illness and 50% is the way your DH has let you down.

    You are a valid good worthwhile person and I bet there are hundreds of men out there who WOULD appreciate you more. I was once in a marriage where I adored my Dh so much he just abused that. He got into the habit of knowing I loved him so much he could treat me like some toy.

    I finally just upped and left and boy did the tables ever turn, talk about grovelling. Once I saw him grovelling a light came on, "I don't love this man. What is there to love?" Boy did I ever feel the power then. I found I could not forgive him and we divorced and it was painful but the best thing I ever did, as my life became so much better without all that stress of him dangling me on a string.

    As you know I am so happy with Dan now, been married 20 years this year and together all the time. I just wish I had had the courage to leave #1 earlier, but I was so hooked. First love and all that....

    So many here have the same situation as you do too, it is a sad reflection on the males in our society-hey, here is a thought, there are more women than men in this country so how come our government is 88% male??? Same the world over.

    I had a friend who sued to say, "Why do we have people running our lives(men) who don't even know how to fold a shirt unless they are gay?" (LOL)

    This is long. I btter go. Write anytime. I am always here.

    Much love-remember you are a fine person, you are NOT your illness, you are doing better than most at keeping going(I could not work for sure) and start to respect and love yourself. We all love you here.

    Love Anne C

  5. HppeandMe

    HppeandMe New Member

    Hi Again Cromwell-

    You are so lucky to be able to love a man and not feel on the edge. I am just such a crybaby these days and can't control my emotions. I am not sure why this is so and have not seen a lot of people like this. It is so uncontrollable. I truly believe my husband is a good man and I have just not given him enough credit.

    Cromwell, I really can't work anymore but I don't want to dissapoint the whole family and lose the house. Even if I went on disability and we brought someone in (there is really no where to put anybody though) it still wouldn't be enough. We really need to bring in at least $100,000 to make ends meet. My hubby makes $40K and I would be bringing in 24K with disability. I just don't know where we would go. I may have told you but my brother has offered me the opportunity of staying with their family for a year but it is down in Atlanta. My husband does not want to go and I do not want to go without him. This would give the chance though to go to places like Sanoviv to get help. If it wasn't for my son I would go but it would break his heart without his father.

    Thanks for your kind response and take good care!!