To Do List: March 9 - 15

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by EllenComstock, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    My weekend was pretty good, although Harry and I did have a few words on Saturday morning. I have finally decided that it just isn't going to do any good to discuss money with him any further. We just aren't getting anywhere and we just get upset discussing it. I did find out how much money he has in his checking account however since his bank statement came in the mail-$4,000. Must be nice to pay the bills and still have this much money left over. He says he's going to invest some of it, but not put my name on it. But he said I'll be able to get the money if he dies, thank goodness.

    Yesterday I got together with both of my brothers and we looked at old family slides, which was nice. My sister-in-law gave me a good idea for a possible part-time job, but it would mean working Saturdays year 'round. She knows someone who works for an elderly person one day a week doing things for them-light housekeeping, running errands, taking them places, etc. Said they make good money, too. We have two nursing homes that are more expensive, which would be the places to check out. I like older people, too.

    Another idea I came up with. My cousin just sent me a letter. She's retired, but is going to be working on the 2010 census for a few weeks. It's not a permanent job, but I imagine it pays pretty well. My brother, Tom, did that last time so I asked him about that. He said there are different jobs you can apply for and they advertise the jobs in the paper. I imagine there will be a lot of people apply for the jobs. Unfortunately Michigan is the worse state in the U.S. for unemployment and my county and two other counties has the highest unemployment rate. But I have to try.

    I can't let Harry get to me. I have to prove to him that I can be more independent of him in spite of my health problems. Of course there's no way I can pay all the bills, but I want it so I don't have to dip into the emergency fund. The problem is that I don't know what all this working is going to do to my health. And I'm still going to apply to the temporary agencies for work during the summer. A lot to think about.

    In spite of Harry being a jerk on Saturday morning, we did go to the movies in the afternoon and saw Friday the 13th. I've been wanting to see this movie since it came out in mid-Feb.

    Nancy: Thanks for making me laugh when you said you wanted to kick Harry. I know I haven't been perfect in this marriage, but I don't think I deserve to have our money split up.
    I'm sorry about Katy's doctor being so stupid about her medication. I hope you can get it straightened out soon.

    Molly: How is your family doing? This grieving process is a long one and there always will be a hole where your loved one was.

    Anne Theresa: Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciated it.

    To-do list:

    -finish laundry
    -straighten out a medication mistake
    That's all I can think of for now

    Talk to you tomorrow!

  2. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Hello Ellen & thanks for getting us started this week. I'm glad you've had a nice weekend in spite of some bickering with Harry. Your decision to avoid conversations with Harry about money is a wise one.

    I had a wonderful outing on Saturday; a shopping spree in Toronto with 3 woman friends. We took one car and the trip there and back was a hoot. We had a lovely lunch together, then shopped in earnest. I bought shoes, two throws (small blankets for my sofa & chair), a lovely candle holder, a birthday gift for sweetie (a wire sculpted cat), a hair-pin & my fave lilac-scented bath products. It was such fun! I must have walked for 3 hours (using my walker, of course) and I still didn't see the whole mall - it was simply humongous!

    I spent yesterday recouping and aside from a bit of housework etc., today I'm planning to do the same. My legs are sore and my right calf is extremely painful. It's the price I pay for such a nice Saturday.

    To-Do Today

    Make Bed
    Clean Kitchen Sinks
    Make Casserole for Dinner
    Make Pudding with Strawberries
    Shower & Shampoo
    Pay Bills On-line
    Read & Rest

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  3. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Good Morning all....

    Ellen, thanks for getting the thread started for us this week.

    I'm just going to be blunt here....I would like for you to stop dipping into your savings for help paying the household bills. If you ever do decide to change your life, you'll need that money!

    If you have to, start charging Harry for washing his socks, cooking his meals and cleaning the house. You are a partner in this marriage and 50/50 is just a dream. If he got hit by a car tomorrow, you wouldn't expect him to pay his way, you'd figure out a way to make things manageable. It's time for him to realize this as well.

    Remember, he took those vows as well as you did! (Sorry, I do tend to get upset at these things, I was once married to an arse as well)

    Anne Theresa, I'm so glad you had a happy outing with your friends. I miss those days....been home bound so long I don't know anyone here anymore.

    I've had my doc appt yesterday and although I forgot to ask most of my questions, I did get a prescription for Katy's Elavil so she was only off of it for 2 days. Didn't take long to see a difference though, she was already crabby and angry without it.

    But....taking the iron has helped me immensely. And the doc told me to increase it to twice a day so I'm very excited. We also doubled hubby's dose as well. He hasn't seen the differences that I have so I'm hoping this will help him too.

    We also took out 1 dose of my meds to see if it helps to stop the violent vomiting in the mornings. (Can't remember the name but I guess it's famous for this side effect) Had that problem yesterday morning again too.

    It's not even 8:00 am here and already I've cooked breakfast (oatmeal) cleaned up, cleaned out a cabinet, refilled dog and cat food containers, did some recycling etc.....and I have so many more things to do today.

    A few weeks ago, I would have been proud of myself if I had accomplished this in an entire day and I've only just begun. I even oiled my cutting board which is something I wouldn't even have noticed 2 weeks ago.

    Hugs all,


    PS...Ellen I'm so sorry for calling your husband just slips out when I get angry, I'll try to bite my tongue next time.
  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    We've been having a lot of problems here at work with the Internet and it's been very frustrating. Again, yesterday I wrote out a note to all of you only to note be able to send it. It was just before I had to leave work so I just had to delete it. So from now on I am going to test before I type a long note to all of you beforehand. So this is the test.

  5. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    Hi ladies,
    Our family is hanging in here. The service is at 3pm today and a buffet dinner afterward in the church hall. After that close family will go to my MIL house.

    My dh is still sick but a bit better. He had an upper respiratory cold, then pink eye, and lastly a bad ear infection. I feel so bad for him. He will be giving a speech at the service. I'm really glad we practiced and prepared my son in our church for so many months. Proactive strategies are always better than reactive with my son. So I have his church box (full of small sensory toys), his church picture schedule (so I only have to point at whatever needed i.e. quiet or stay by mom and dad), earplugs for the church hall after. I wrote out the days schedule and went over it with him yesturday and this morning. I will go over the memorial service rules with him when I pick him up early from school. The BEST news is that our previous nanny (who we have become friends with and who also works at my son's school) will be there sitting next to my son and me. So if he needs a break or anything she will be there just to help him through it. This takes a lot of pressure off us since we will be so busy with other things.

    I got him the nicest outfit. It is surfer wear nice clothes. Grey t-shirt to wear under a black longsleeved dress shirt with small grey pinstrips and khaki pants. He will look adorable. He is adorable!

    Ellen~Sorry your hubby is not being a good husband. I agree with Nancy on what marriage is. (((hugs)))

    Anne Theresa~I'm so glad you had a great time with your friends. I hope you recover nicely.

    Nancy~An increase in energy? Is is from the iron? I just started iron a month ago and don't feel an increase in energy yet. I'm so glad Katy was able to get her meds. That is an awful feeling when you run out and it takes time for the whole process. That happens to me a lot.


    [This Message was Edited on 03/11/2009]
  6. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Well, my test this morning went through, but my long message afterward did not. I did manage to print it out so I will just have to retype it. I will try to send this. The College has been having lots of problems with the Internet.

  7. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Okay-I'll try typing my message again. Well, I slept better last night. The night before I only slept 4 or 5 hour. Too much on my mind, I guess. I'm thinking of taking most of the money in the checking account and putting it in another checking account with just my name on it. Do you think the bank would allow me to do this even though Harry's name is on the original account? I guess I would have to leave the original account open with just a little bit of money in it. I don't think I could clean out the account since his name is on it. This would protect me.

    Nancy: I read what you said and I wasn't offended at all by you calling my husband names! It's not like you were swearing or anything. Here I am at work wanting to cry at the thought of having to change the account like this. It makes me sad at the thought of having to do this. But I just don't feel like I can trust him anymore. The day when he originally took the $7,500 behind my back I lost my trust. When he gave it back to me, it did make me feel much better. But I am afraid he will force me to spend the $7,500 even he said he doesn't want me to. He wants me to earn enough so I don't have to. My heart feels so torn. But I think you are right. It's time for me to stop spending the money in the savings and I need to start playing hardball with him even though it's hard for me. I just don't like being mean to people even when they are mean to me. I'm so glad that Katy is back on her Elavil and that you are doing much better. I've taken iron supplements for years as I am borderline anemic.

    Everyone I talk to says I have to protect my own interests, but I just hate to think the worst of him. I hate to think that he's that bad. Although he said the other day that he's going to invest some of the money in his checking account, but not put my name on it, although he said I will be able to get the money when he dies.

    Then he said he would pay 2/3 of the bills if I would apologize for being a drama queen. I said I would never do that as I don't think I am one. He said I am also a door slammer. I asked him when have I slammed a door? He said once last fall. I said that hardly makes me a door slammer. He said I am letting my pride get in the way of solving our problems.

    When I got home yesterday, he was looking at car ads. He wants to get me a new van with a lift for my scooter so I can go places without him (like the mall) which I agree would be great. But I again reminded him that under this system he has set up of separate finances I definitely cannot afford car payments, plus the cost of the scooter lift. Then he said in a sarcastic way, "Oh, you can't afford it?"

    His bank statement came in the mail the other day and the balance in his account is $4,000.00.

    Okay, enough about that. I wonder what's happened to some of our girls on here? It seems like we aren't having as many on here as we were.

    Anne Theresa: Thanks for your kind words. You always seem to know what to say. Sounds like you and your friends had a good time. It's too bad you don't have a scooter or at least a wheelchair. Our mall has wheelchairs (they used to have power chairs). Maybe you should look into that. That would certainly save all the pain in your legs. I know I wouldn't be able to shop for one hour walking on hard floors let alone three hours. It's nice you were able to find the things you were looking for.

    Molly: I'm sorry your husband had to go to the funeral sick. It's hard enough going to a funeral without being sick, too. I hope your son got through the funeral okay. It's a good thing your nanny was there. Thanks for your kind words. I do a lot of praying. I believe a strong faith helps.

    To-do list:

    -grocery shopping
    -vacuum upstairs
    -make two phone calls

  8. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Hi all,
    Sorry I've been missing in action....I have another recital I'm getting ready for, plus one kid is sick today. I also have a doctor appointment today as, fun!

    Anne Theresa: Did you recover from your big mall trip? I know Canada has some great malls- we always wanted to visit the Edmonton mall but never made it when we lived in Alaska. It would have only been more than a thousand miles, but who cares? Actually, I don't like long car trips!

    Molly: Funerals are tough and I'm sure it won't be easy for your son. I'm glad your nanny will be there to help. It sounds as if you've prepared him for it as best you can, plus bringing some things for him to do. You're a good mom.

    Nancy: I share your feelings about husbands.....I believe it should be a joint operation. Two names on all of the accounts. Two people in it together.

    Ellen: I hope you get things ironed out with Harry. Maybe you should show him this thread! (That's up to you...)

    Well, I've got to get ready for my appointment. Take care, all!
  9. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Good Morning all.....

    Terri, so glad you could pop in to say hi. Hope your doc appt went well...

    Molly, bless always have so much on your plate. I hope the service goes well and that your hubby feels better soon.

    Yes, the increase in energy has to be from the iron pills. My iron stores were 14 and they should be up in the hundreds.

    Yesterday after getting all of that done at home, Katy and I went to base starting at the bank. Then the shoppette to rent a move, then out to lunch, then the thrift store, then I got a haircut, then we stopped at Burger King for a salad, then home....Wow, I felt wonderful but did go to bed after wards to rest. This is more than I could normally do in two weeks! And now I've gone on twice a day iron so I'm hoping to feel even better soon. I even had to walk the length of the parking lot at the bank when the handicapped parking spots were taken.

    Ellen bless you......taking the money isn't being mean. You're entitled to it! It's not being mean to take care of yourself at all, it's just evening out the playing field.

    I fought with those same feelings when I was preparing for my divorce all those years ago. But what made it ok in my head was that I didn't need to be a mean person, I just had to learn how to fight dirty to protect myself. He was already playing dirty, I just had to know how. You don't always have to use it, but you have to learn how to be one step ahead.

    When one person in a marriage has the 'upper hand' it isn't really a marriage at's a battle field. Learn to protect yourself!

    If Harry had come to you and said, "babe, I'm having trouble making ends meet, can you help me out"? You would have done anything to help him with his burden, but that's not what happened. That's what marriage should be.....

    I'm not sure what I'll be doing today, my housekeeper is coming since I sent her home last week and my house is filthy because of the pup going outside so I plan to help her and do a bunch of tidying around the house.

    Hugs all,

  10. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Okay, here's my test to see if the Internet here at work is working today. I hope I don't have all the problems I had yesterday.

  11. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Girls:

    Terri and Nancy: I totally agree with both of you. Marriage should be a joint thing, not a separate thing, although I know some couples do have separate accounts. But in their case it's a joint agreement and each couple makes enough money. Not the case with us.

    I'm afraid I've painted a picture of my husband being a total monster, but he's not. I know his behavior isn't the greatest, but he does have his good points. He called me yesterday and told me he would be sleeping when I got home, but to wake him up when I got home so he could bring in the groceries for me. So he's considerate in ways like that.

    Don't get me wrong. I'm not making excuses for his behavior. It's definitely wrong. And he most definitely has a problem with trust. I think it comes from when he was married before to Linda and she ran around on him. The problem was, was that he never got really angry with her. He even helped her to move. But he did get really depressed and attempted to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head. Fortunately, his parents got him to the Stress Center in the Tecumseh Hospital (the same place where my brother, Jim, has gone) and was in there for several weeks. But he wouldn't cooperate and go along with the therapy and I think the anger is coming out now. He just doesn't trust women now.

    I told him yesterday that I wasn't going to pay anymore of the bills with the emergency fund money. We didn't fight over it. The only thing he said was, "You don't think that you not working during the summer isn't an emergency?" I told him I was doing the best I could to find work during the summer. I also told him that to me a real emergency was him being without a job, his unemployment benefits running out and us trying to live on my part-time job. No response to that.

    I want to take the money, but I'm afraid. Afraid of his reaction and afraid of making things worse between us. I know this may sound strange, but when we are not taking about money, the rest of the time we get along okay. I guess I am just going to have to see how things go. If they deteriorate, I will have to do it. I know I sound like a wimp, but I'm afraid to rock the boat right now.

    I know I am probably driving all of you crazy talking about this so much, so from now on, I'll try not to. It's just that I only have all of you and my girlfriend, Dianna, to talk to. Thanks for listening.

    Terri: Sounds like things have been pretty busy for you with recitals and sick kids. I guess we all have things to deal with. Hopefully things will slow down for you soon!

    Nancy: No wonder you were so tired before with your iron levels being so low before! I feel so tired all the time myself. Of course stress is tiring, but even when I'm not stressed I'm tired. I've course it's the FMS and Chronic Fatigue.

    I got up early this morning and got a lot of things done before work. I just felt like getting a lot of things accomplished before work. I hate this time change. I feel like I am getting up in the middle of the night with it being so dark, but I like it lighter in the evenings.

    To-do list:

    - empty wastebaskets (done)
    - call in prescription
    - empty dishwasher (done)
    - finish vacuuming (done)
    - take in recycling
    - feed birds (done)
    - make a phone call
    - dinner
    - pool therapy class

    I am taking tomorrow off to use up a vacation day. Can you believe I have 62 vacation days? Jim and I are getting together.

  12. sorekitty

    sorekitty New Member

    Hi All,
    We made it through my FIL funeral yesturday. It was a beautiful service and there were 200 people there! Wow. My husband did an incredible speech. There were a few people that said it was the best eulogy they had ever heard. I'm so proud of him, he cried at the end but was able to make it. I cried so hard.

    So it went (for us) from 2:15 til we got home at 7:30. My little guy was going bonkers. He did real well in the beginning but our friend took him out midway through the service. He ran all over the church hall inside, outside. Running and playing all the time! Thank Goodness my friend helped. After we went to G'mas house with close family. My son was on complete sensory overload! (Sorry this is an Occupational Therapy term). There was really nothing I could do. Once it starts it takes a life of it's own and he only gets more revvvved up. So I got his jammies on and we left around 7pm. I gave him his melatonin. Once in bed he was out like a light!

    Today is minimum day! So I get ripped off an hour (ahhhhh calgon take me away). Actually I am about to take an epsom salt bath as my legs and feet are hurting.

    We are so glad to have this service over. We need a calm period in our lives (knock on wood).

    Ellen-I don't think your hubby is a monster. I think you need to prepare and protect yourself. I have experienced a relationship like this and I just hope you take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty! We only care about you and I hope not to offend you.

    Nancy-I should ask my dr to increase my iron!!! Although I don't remember what level my blood work was. It must feel so great to get a lot done and still be okay. Very freeing.

    Terri- Sorry your kids are sick. I hope your dr appointment went well.

    I'm sorry if I missed anyone just know I enjoy reading all your posts!