To Dulcimerkid and Music Teacher

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by sweetpeas, Nov 5, 2004.

  1. sweetpeas

    sweetpeas New Member

    What sweethearts you are to put up a special post inquiring about my son, church finding, and me! What would I do without you? I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. My job is pretty time-consuming/demanding, and what with an addict son.....well, you know.....it gets a bit crazy at times. I kicked son out of house for almost two weeks. He called and woke me up in the middle of the night, saying he was cold and became very argumentative. I told him I had bought him outdoor survival-type gear (I know: how co-dependent can I get! I am the Queen of Co-Dependency!), and he could walk home and get it on the porch and sleep there but wouldn't let him in. Dummy me, I weakened, got in car and met him 1/2 way. He then stayed outside (cold here) that night and I think the next night (Oh, last night outside I happened to wake up after 1 a.m. I peeked outside and saw him with a flashlight desperately looking for something in backpack. I didn't have to wait long....he was fixing a joint--disgusting. I was so dead tired (and had to go to work next a.m.) that watching what he was doing seemed like being in a sureal dream world. I tapped on the window after a bit and let him know I caught him. (He's very cagey and never has more than 1/2 teaspoon of the stuff on him. The cops informed me that they don't really do anything with such a small amount.) Later I saw him start a fire (for food--not sure) and then put it out. After two or three days and nights outside, he sounded sick (bronchitis or something), so I let him in and explain to him this is only temporary--he can only be here when I am and that when I leave to go to work he has to leave. However, the last two days he's been inside. Although he may have some kind of bug, he's strong enough to argue with me and lazy enough not to work for his keep. Funny, yesterday a.m. when he thought he was going to have to stay outside during the day that our furnace wasn't working. After I relented and let him stay inside, that afternoon the furnace was working fine. Hmmmmmm.....do I trust him? No way! Came home this p.m. and found a note saying he went to the dr's......AGAIN! I called down there and asked if I could speak with him for a moment. They were rude and told me they couldn't reveal any info. as to whether he was even there or not. Yes, legalities. Interesting though that as an adult he's guaranteed his privacy. However, it's my insurance (I pay big $$$ every month for it!). Oh, the house was a mess even though he promised to have it clean before I came home. Suckered again. I just wish one of his friends would take him in more than a night or two and that he wouldn't be harrassing me and eating me out of house and home. This back and forth stuff isn't any good, and I feel guilty keeping him out in the cold (I brought him an incredible sleeping bag that keeps a person warm at zero degrees supposedly, plus other warmth-related items.). I was in a foul mood last night just thinking about how I allow him to manipulate me and actually told him I am happier when he's out of the house. I know, I sound like a mean, hard-hearted, unchristian mother.....but when is his craziness gonna' end. He refuses to go to rehab again or the homeless shelters. You wouldn't believe the doctor/hospital bills. What a blessing that the insurance has paid everything so far. He's a hypochondriac, suicidal drug addict who I'm afraid will sponge off me until I finally go bonkers. Thanks for letting me vent, and always, always thanks for your prayers. Taking myself out of the situation, it seems like it should be so cut and dry--just kick him out and that's it. Please keep the prayers coming. I am still looking for a church. Went to one a couple of wks. back, but the service was sooooo liberal, I left after a bit. Maybe the problem is me.

    I love you guys! I am holding you up in prayer, too. God bless you always!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Much love and many hugs,
    Sweetpeas
  2. MusicTeacher

    MusicTeacher New Member

    Dear Sweetpeas

    Thanks for responding to the post we left for you. I have been so worried for you and, even though it's clear times are tough, it's good to know what to pray for now for you and your son.

    Take some strength from the fact that you feel better when some of the stress is lifted from your life. You are not a bad mother - just a mother reaching her own personal limit on the amount of "abuse" she can take from her adult son.

    I continue to pray hard for you both - that he will realise the error of his ways and be released from this addiction. That you will find comfort and strength in our Lord and, hopefully, a new church family to uphold and guide you.

    This is a short reply because I'm having a "brain fog" day. I'll read your post again tomorrow and maybe reply further then.

    Meanwhile, take care and know that you are being held in prayer, you are loved and supported and, for what it's worth, so is your son.

    God bless - hugs across the Atlantic
    Music Teacher (UK)
  3. Dulcimerkid

    Dulcimerkid New Member

    Dear Sweetpeas
    Hang in there. You know we are praying for you and feel free to vent that is what we are here for. As much as your son is dragging you down, You have to start thinking about you and not him. He isn't worried about what he is doing to you and he knows it and he is manipulating you. It hurts to have someone you love so much treat you so badly. And a mother's love never stops!

    Stick to your guns with him and what you feel is unacceptable and keep hunting for a church for support. Maybe call during the week and talk to the pastor and ask questions about beliefs and if it's not what you are looking for call the next church on the list. But don't stop looking you need the fellowship of other believers to keep you strong and lift you up in prayer like we do here.

    You continue to be in my prayers,

    Love your sister in Christ,
    Laurie