To (((hangininthere)))

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by windblade, Jan 11, 2006.

  1. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Have a lot of catching up to do.

    Am in the midst of a flu or virus for the past 4 days. Yuk!

    I loved your post in the '10 things to make me smile'. My
    favorite was watching the ant and its ways! Also the different vignettes - I so much enjoy reading what you share about your life.

    OOps - out of energy. Going to rest a bit.

  2. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Do you check to see if there are posts in your name? I was just thinking that if you do I wouldn't need to bump up my messages.

    If you don't, I'll just keep sending them up to front page.
    Didn't want you to feel hurried in answering, but also didn't want them to go too far back.
    The posts that you wrote on the effecs of the magnesium and the other supplements were so exciting!!! How are the new ones going?

    I love all the research that you have done, and how you put it all together!

  3. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I hope that what I wrote about the checking of posts didn't come off as sounding critical. I actually meant it the opposite - that I hoped it wasn't a nuisance that I was always bumping up something.:)

    I didn't want to keep doing that in case you had your own pattern of checking. Now I know that I can just leave it, and you've seen it.

    Thanks for asking about my virus/flu. I have an 'upregulated immune system' which means that I don't usually get things worse than other people - that my immune system is overdoing it all the time. I had some intestinal problems, but my biggest problem was the horrible lack of energy - it's been so hard to get to the kitchen to get food, take meds.

    My husband works as an art teacher in a grammar school, so we're usually fighting off a lot of viruses at this time.

    I didn't get a chance to tell you but you inspired me around Christmas time. I love the way you enjoy things in your life, and have the eyes to see so many, small good things.

    Well, I was hoping to get a tree and decorate it, but knew I wasn't up to it, then decided to get a pine wreath and decorate it with these miniature carved wooden animals that were the first ornaments I picked out over 20 years ago, when Paul and I were first married.

    Then, I never could get the energy to do that, so I just enjoyed the pine fragrance. And the house across the street put up these beautiful lights that looked just like
    Christmas ornaments; so I decided that would be my treat.
    And I really savored it, concentrating on the beauty that was there for me.

    You've really encouraged me to look towards the good that we have - something that I try and do, without denying sorrows or griefs.

    Cultivating gratitude, I would think of it.

    Well, going to rest a bit.

    How are you feeling this week? I was wondering about the new supplements?

    Lots of love,

    p.s. Sorry if I put things awkwardly in my last post - was having a hard time with not having the energy to concentrate clearly.
  4. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Just read your updated supplement post.

    Wow - that is still such a great amount of improvement!!!

    Healing of your depression!
    Clearing up of brain fog!
    Sleeping better!

    I really have insomnia - I seem to wake up after a 3 hr. period which messes up any regular sleep pattern.

    I'm going to check and see if separating the calcium from the magnesium might help. My Dr. gives them to me to work in combination.

    You were so right on target about the probiotics - healing the intestinal system - building up the healthy bacteria was the first thing my cfs Dr. did for me. It healed my IBS - that took some time, but was very succesfull. I take them every morning 1/2 hour before eating.

    Hanginin - I am so happy at all these improvements for you!!!

    You're a good medical detective for being so alert to how each particular thing effects you.

    I've been meaning to ask you - for your research - do you have any special websites?

    I've been praying for your next prayer request too.

    I can feel people's prayers bringing new life to me many times too. I feel it this week in my attitude, my sense of renewed determination.

    Many continued blessings to you!
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    That was a good one - gave me a good smile and laugh.

    Oh no, You DELETED your profile. GROAN! I was going to look at it again to see what music you loved from the 60's.
    Have to be sharp to keep up with you, with things appearing and disappearing all the time. :)

    I have to share something really exciting. This is an amazing answer to prayer for me!!! Well, my friend Diane and I talk once or twice a week early mornings before she goes to work. (Like 6:00 a.m.!) We share what's going on in our lives - we've been close friends since we were about 4 years old, then we read something from any interesting devotional book, and pray. We're prayer partners.

    So, one thing for the past 2 years or so that she was reading from was 'The Encouragement Bible' with special notes by Joni Eareckson Tada.

    Joni had a diving accident when she was 17, which left her a quadriplegic - unable to move from the neck down. She now has a world-wide ministry going into countries where there is no help at all for the handicapped.

    The thing that meant the most to me was that all her words are spoken from the depths - she's been there!!!! Nothing pat or unrealistically easy in her words of encouragement.
    Strong and from the depths - so they meet me where I live.
    So many times just a sentence of hers will keep me going for a month.

    So it kept growing in me that I really needed this when I was down, and I started looking for a copy.

    Out- of- print! Paperback used cost $50.00. Leather - over $300.00 !!!

    I kept searching and have been praying and praying. I called different places and people - hoping to find a copy that someone didn't want anymore. Nada.

    I kept praying, but thought I would just have to let go of it.

    Then one morning Diane and I were talking about it again, and she got online and told me there was a copy for $29.00
    in LEATHER. I said "No Way - that has to be a typo - it's way less than any paperback!"

    She said "maybe God wants you to have it!". Anyhow she ordered it right away, AND gave it to me as a Christmas present.

    I kept thinking that the people must really have meant $200. which was still a low price, and would realize their mistake and notify Diane.

    Well!!!!! Just less than an hour ago IT CAME. A beautiful burgundy leather Bible with those tremendously valuable words that I know will help me for the rest of my life.

    I'm so amazed, and SO thankful!!! Wow! Even just thinking that God was involved online makes me smile. :)

    Troubles have been building up for me lately - the future very tricky and frightening.

    I've been using all my energy and focus to do all I can, not be anxious, concentrate on what I know of God, and hold on as tight as I can to Him.

    And now - this beautiful thing come my way. It makes me so choked up the ways He's been getting through to me!

    Well, thank you for listening to this story! It is a joy for me to share it.

    Last night I was still sick with virus at prayertime, and couldn't get out of bed. Fell asleep, and later prayed for all the people here that are going through troubles.

    I prayed for your smoking big-time; and was so happy to hear that you've been making it up to the attic. Double and triple Hallelujah!!! Cutting down that much is a great accomplishment.

    I am so thankful for the prayer-thread here. So many faithful, loving prayer-warriors. I KNOW everyone's prayers are making a big difference in my life.

    Whewwww - I never thought I was going to write so much.

    You have a wonderful, understanding heart. Another gift of God to me.

    Many blessings to you.

  6. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I was so warmed by your response to my ' gift from God Bible.'!

    Another wonderful thing that happened. I wrote a smidgin about this on the prayer thread. A 'clinical pastoral counselor' that has started a ministry from scratch, (he is always going out on a limb in faith and prayer) for cancer patients and their caregivers. Six people in his family have had cancer.He lost his wife and many others.

    Well, I know him, his name is Jim ,from going to counseling with him for awhile, and my closest friend works for him. I have known him for years, and he is a trustworthy, kind man.

    He has established his ministry of helping family and friends care for chronically ill of all kinds.

    One day when he was praying, I popped into his mind. He went over all my needs with my friend Diane to see how he could help me. I asked Diane if this was her idea, but she said no, that Jim felt that God had put me on his mind and in his heart!

    This man cares for hundreds of sick people, and I really haven't been in touch, so I am absolutely amazed that this happened.

    I've always had a hard time knowing the practical side of God's caring for us. That's been a blank for me, very, very hard to fill in, because of past experiences.

    (Sorry, got to go lie down - still weak with virus)

    Will post this, and finish when energy returns
    [This Message was Edited on 01/16/2006]
  7. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    How are you doing with your new diagnosis? It's something I never heard of, but could see the struggles you're going through!

    Good saying hi to you![This Message was Edited on 01/17/2006]
  8. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Instead of kindergarden stuff going through my head - I've
    got Jimi Hendrix

    "Scuse Me While I kiss the Sky"!!!

    I woke up this morning with Janis Joplin running through my head and a whole parade of my favorite stuff from the 60's.

    Nice way to wake up. I have TONS of favorites but no energy yet to name them.

    I wonder if I could be having a 'herxing' response to some enzyme supplements I started - but that was a month ago that I began. I know they kill viruses.

    It was nice to get your post today - yeah, kindergarden -
    still have the naps, but wish somebody would bring me some milk and cookies!!! Only eat dessert once a month. :-(

    I wish that schools were as safe as they were in the 50's.

    My husband teaches in an 'inner city 'type school, and it is light years away from when we were young!

    Going to rest again - trying to be patient going through this exhaustion and dizziness.

    Have total brain fog - stopped taking my supplements in case I was having some kind of reaction.

    Oh well, not the worse thing to go through.
  9. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    What a babbling post I wrote here last night.

    Today my mind is feeling clearer, and I have a little more energy.

    You're doing a great job with your posts on improvements from supplements. I am SO SO happy that you're getting all these good results. And I think it's very encouraging for others to hear - just even to keep trying - to know that improvements are possible!

    That hopefulness is so important.

    Hope you're having a good day today.

    I'm doing laundry today, eating well, straightening up a bit.

    The kindergarden rules of happiness that I need to learn are about balance!!! Moderation. I tend to do too much or too little - need that lovely balance that he writes about.

    Blessings to you.
  10. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    How is everything going with you??

    You've been on my heart to pray for; I don't know ,some kind of concern that something could be hurting or bothering you.

    When I get those intuitions I just follow them, even knowing I could be getting it wrong. But also knowing that prayer is priceless - bringing God's care and love into our very unique lives. Yup, you're still on my heart.

    I see you giving out so much encouragement, nurturing and warmth to people.

    I just feel concerned, wanting you to have support coming from somewhere in your life.

    Lots of love sent to you

    p.s. you wrote the EXACT Janis Joplin lines that were running through my mind "You know you got it if it makes you feel good"
    What feeling is in her music!!!
  11. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Thanks for explaining! I had just read and responded to your forgiveness post - it really helped me get rid of the harsh judgement I can do to myself.

    Instead of a long struggle with it - I just simply let it go. Ahhhhhh - that feels great.

    I'm so glad your pain is a little better, and majorly glad that you found the emotional healing and release!

    No problem at all with your deleting posts - just learning your pattern.

    I really admire your 'fighting spirit'. And with the forgiveness - do you think it can be like using a bow and arrow? In the sense that we need to use our strength and pull hard to fight, but then let go to rest and renew our strength.

    I need to constantly work on that balance!

    And I also believe like you said that forgiving someone is like having an enormous load slide off.

    Take care!
  12. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Yes, it makes total sense what you described about not forgiving ourselves holding us up. It's like we get caught up in this tight knot, and it's like the opposite of freedom.
  13. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I also think that it takes a lot of courage to really look at ourselves. The word humility which always makes me squirm because it can sound so fakely pious that it makes me sick! Well that word actually means REALITY.

    Humility equals reality. Seeing the reality of ourselves and loving ourselves the more because of it!

    When we're too puffed up, we can deflate some. Or if we're like a flat or punctured tire, we need patching and filling up.

    But the important thing is that we end up loving who we really are; not just an idea or image.

    I'm going to copy out your forgiveness post to keep - it hit me right away like a shot of good medicine.

    Thanks for keeping up the fight! :)
  14. windblade

    windblade Active Member


    I just printed out your original family collage, but my printer made it look blurry. It's nice and sharp and clear on the screen though. It always makes me smile, and I love how you've captured personalities and special events in the individual photos.

    Oh my goodness, I just saw that Eric was holding a FROG in his hand. It's been a long time since I've been brave enough to do that! :)

    The whole feeling captured is of a happy, playful, original family. I know that's not so easy to capture. My husband Paul is an artist, painting in oils, but when it comes to taking photos, by the L-o-n-g time he is setting up, everyone has frozen smiles on their faces! I always tear up the ones he's done of me. LOL

    But he's painted me in at least 5 paintings, and I love his paintings! So I'm happy with that.

    Maybe sometime you could put back the Christmas one again, and let me know. We have our own private photo-gallery here on board. Great! :)

    Love and hugs to you
  15. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    WOW! I just saw the little bird collage. Wow, it just blew me away as I unscrolled it! Was this a bird that you rescued? Going from a little bit of fluff to stretching its wings out - you told its whole story.

    It's so funny with the frog and with Megan and in
    the car.

    At first I thought the larger bird with the white head was real, but isn't that Gyasi's toy?
    And all the bright colors of flowers and toys and children.
    Going to take another look ... I love it!
  16. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    My dear friend,
    Oh, I am so thankful that you were able to let the pain and frustration and sorrow of that non-communication ROLL-OFF. The first time you were able to do that!

    Praise be to God - his mercies are NEW every morning.

    It's so true - the life-changing strength that prayer accomplishes.

    I love your writing of everyday stuff. I really enjoy the 'vignettes' that you capture.

    Oh, that hymn that you sent - I'm getting all choked just looking at it again. It was one of my grandmother's favorites. I used to put on her record of Ernie Ford's hymns with that sweet, sincere voice.My grandmother had great faith.

    I'm glad to have it written to have all the words in the last verses.

    Two weeks ago I went through an evening of really black depression - the despair kind. I called my friend Diane in the morning and could hardly get any words out. (And she and I can talk for 2-3 hours easy)
    I was in really bad shape - just dry on the ground - burnt out.
    Well, I told you that Di. and I are prayer partners; and after we talked over all the difficulties I was going through, and how I felt so hopeless to change such overwhelming things.

    It came to her completely by the Holy Spirit - that the only solution was to praise God. Just turn my back and let go of all these major troubles. AND I DID.

    Everything that had been haunting me all night, I started praising God for. And I remembered how Joshua in battle did really outlandish things, like not fighting normally,
    but relying on supernatural power.

    Diane said "the battle is not yours, but Gods.". And because this was completely the Holy Spirit's timing, I KNEW it was true, AND a great gift from God to me.

    If it hadn't been from the Holy Spirit, I would have felt like punching someone in the nose!!!

    But it completely renewed me - all the burdens really did lift away. And later that day I came across a situation that could have been extremely hurtful! But I just kept praising God, and something that could have devastated me just rolled off my back - like your situation!

    Well, amazing stuff!

    Going to eat and do some chores.
    How are you feeling today?

    Did you catch Carrie's collage - the new one with the little fledgling bird? It's delightul!

    And Kristie's forgiveness post - I copied it out, and it helped me not only with one day, but my perspective on the whole past, and coming week.

    Lots of blessings sent to you!
  17. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    P.S. I just read over what Kristie wrote about your writing a book. Do you know that you have a true storyteller's gift??? I recognized that from when you first started to descibe things in your everday life. They make vivid pictures in my head.

  18. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Just finished reading your nature post and wrote you a reply.

    Yes, I really think that with your experiences of saving and raising birds and other animals; your photo-collage which also shows the entire story from the little fluffy tiny bird through all its growing stages, and ALSO how you have the ability to capture it in words. The part about the insect chasing Brownie Candybar was really funny.

    Also you have detailed instructions on raising it to the point of setting it free.

    Whewwww - that's a lot to work with. I think kids would love reading and seeing all that in a magazine!

    I'm thrilled that I helped to inspire you're writing that post. I love seeing people's gifts grow. :)

    Hope you're having a good sleep now.
    Lots of love, Judy

  19. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Hello dear friend,

    I was going to ask you for 'Rock of Ages'! Another favorite of my grandmother's, and mine.

    Sometimes in the middle of a bad night, parts of it will come to me, and now I have all the words to sing. Thank you.:)
    The other one sounds like gospel music, which I love tremendously. I have 'The Staples Singers' Freedom Highway. They are Rhythm and Blues Gospel. Great guitar and harmonizing. It's prayer to sing along with it. Another favorite group is 'Sweet Honey in the Rock'. Awesome voices.

    Another time could you send 'Amazing Grace'?

    Oh, I am so so pleased that what I wrote yesterday was a help to you!!!

    Something to share with you - a little heavy.

    Well, you know I have PTSD, and what a struggle it is to deal with. What I have is what they call extreme or complex PTSD. Well my psychiatrist told me as I've been trying to find relief in medications that even if she gave me an I.V. twenty-four hours a day filled with the strongest doses of medications she has I would still have a tremendous amount of emotional pain, because of my background.

    But, in my decades long search for healing, I have finally found a therapist who is helping me do a great amount of healing. Actually this whole field of childhood trauma is so evolved now! It's wonderful the knowledge that has been gained. I've had it explained to me that it's like they have found the majority of puzzle pieces that were missing. Thank God!!!

    So, remember I told you about Jim - how the Holy Spirit put
    me on his mind when he was praying. I'm still amazed and thrilled about that! It so much showed me God's love for me.

    Well, my insurance will be over about next Oct.

    I have been trying to stay focused on my present healing, but Jim knew that the stress would be tremendous, because it's like I'm in the middle of an operation, and would have to leave.

    sorry - going to post this.
  20. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Sorry - my computer sometimes loses long posts.

    So, I have a big battle up ahead to get the insurance coverage. Jim has one idea - a total long shot. And now my shrink just gave me another idea that I am going to start the paperwork on.

    But what I wanted to say was that all the stories I've told you lately about getting the 'Encouragement Bible';
    having Jim be an advocate for me, Diane giving me the message to'Praise God because the battle is His not mine' are all extraordinary 'showings' to me that God knows, He knows, and He wants me to see that He is watching out for me.

    I have so learned not to rely or expect things in life because having destructive parents to the point where your life is endangered ,destroys trust tremendously.So I don't have the pattern inside myself to expect good things - and am always trying to push past that lost pattern to find the loving God, which I KNOW that he is.

    But I think He NEVER gives up on trying to get through to us in exactly the unique ways that we need.

    Whoahh - I have a flood of tears going here - good tears.

    Thank you for listening to all this - and for being another special gift to me. Your faith strengthens mine.

    Lots of blessings sent to you,
    Love, Judy

    [This Message was Edited on 01/25/2006]

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