To: I Love Pink

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by earthdog2000, Apr 16, 2011.

  1. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!
    I am still here for you and have been reading the previous posts and replies. I will be here on and off today and tonite so please reply. I realize that I probably won't hear from you until tonite when "your babies" are all tucked in. I am praying for you that you are being as strong as you can be and that things are better for you today!

    Hugs, Julie (Earthdog) :)
  2. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  3. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    i took some phentermine this afternoon and forced myself to get dressed and fixed up to go shopping....i needed to get stuff for the kids Easter baskets....this was they year i was going to stop because they are done with the easter bunny magic....but since the two younger ones are dealing with dad moving out, it will be good to do something they enjoy.....coloring eggs and having an egg hunt...

    i packed up a basket tonight for my daughterthat is away at college....i was just going to send her a card and money but she might have a laugh over the basket....

    my back is just destroyed tonight ....i laid in the bathtub for an hour and it didn't hellp at all...what really feels good is to lay on the hard kitchen floor and curl up in a ball and rock on the sides of my back and the sore spots kind of pop and release...crack...

    i also have this big massager that is for your is curved so you can reach your back and has a big is kinda heavy but the vibratiing and thumping feels does the heating pad...

    i need to learn how to pace is just such a big ordeal to get out, you want to finish y our shopping....i looked at the scooter in the lobby of target but it wasn't charged up and it said to get a store person to help you.....i was too shy to try it was really big and looked like i would have trouble reaching the handles to steer....

    i wonder if I should look into getting myself a small, lightweight scooter that i can haul in my van....i have a wheelchair lift in the back for our transporting it would be easy...and if it had a big basket, i could shop alone and not have this terrible back pain...

    my 14 yr old is the one that is too embarrassed to shop with my in my wheelchair and the scooter would be the same 11 yr old doesn't care....and my husband said no way would he go shopping with me in a wheelchair....he says it is because it doesnt' make either need it all the time, or you dont.....what a brat...i dont' need a scooter to get myself to the bathroom at home....but to walk around the Target might require a bit of assistance....and if you are going to run out on me, i have to be able to stand up and cook and clean and do the laundry and get the boys done with the i can't be curled up in a ball on the heating pad after shopping whille walking....

    today the worry i thought of was who will put the salt in the water softener and change the filter once a month??? it looks have to turn off the water...and there is water splashing everywhere and the old filter is slimy and brown/orange....and then i thought of the xmas tree....oh god...why do i worry so much? the next door lady is single and she owns her own house.....but she has a special friend that comes over and does the manly stuff....

    today hubby seems depressed....he is napping alot....and quiet....could he be feeling the first pangs of "oops....what have I done?

    thanks for being here for me earthdog....i think hubby can get into his rental house on monday to clean....i drove by there and it is disgusting! what is he thinking??? i am so awful to live with that he is willing to move to this yucky house....the boys are even shocked...they said it will be like going to one of their friends house....and he lives in a trailer house that is very rickety and old....they don't have much money....but his parents are happily married....kudos to them! they play here all the fact, this boy sleeps over all the two nights in a row all summer long! he is a sweetie...anyways...thanks for your support!
  4. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  5. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    I was here briefly but I need to go to bed soon cause I had a really stressful couple of days and am sooooooo TIRED. Things in my life are really bad too right now. I am taking an extra week off because I am so stressed, having panic attacks, anxiety, depression and just pretty messed up emotionally, mentally and physically! It would be nice to get to talk tomorrow. Let me know when you will be on the message board tomorrow.
    Thanks, Julie

    P.S. This all started about a month ago because of marriage and family issues and everytime I think it's getting better I have a setback again.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/17/2011]
  6. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey Pink!

    Have not heard back from you in a couple of days and was just wondering how you are. It would be nice to hear from you soon. I have a lot of ( Shi#*) you know bad stuff going on too! I kinda thought you might have read my last couple of posts and would reply. I am in need of venting really bad! I could really use a friend tonite if you get this message :-(

    Take care, Julie
  7. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    my boys are fighting right now...they fight constantly.....i can't stand this...and i am waiting on pins and needles to talk to someone to get some info on which woman my husband is probably cheating with....he hasn't told anyone in his office that he is walking out on us....he is probably ashamed of himself.....and the women i am guessing it is, one is an employee and the other is another administrator....

    i found out today that one of hubby's old friends confronted the administrator woman and she broke down and cried and said why is everyone accusing me of this....because she has a terrible reputation for husband stealing and is a big drinker....and likes to drink just with the guys...she is divorced....both of these women are...

    hubby can't move out until monday now and he was trying to talk about going to easter church otgether.....and i said no i made plans with the kids and my family....and he wasn't invited....and he accused me of putting on a show...and i said he is the one wanting to put on a show of the happy family at church ....probably to quell rumors of his affairs....

    he seemed worried tonight....and guilty....and went to his office to "get his briefcase" son told the other son, that means he is going to go drinking....poor boys....

    so Julie, tell me what is going on in your havent' shared any of it, really....i could use someone to commiserate with....

    i have had it with the mind games and the accusations of being paranoid even though i keep catching him in lie after lie...and he just denies everything....

    he couldn't even tell his family over the phone....he emailed them in a group email!!! they live far away....but he made it sound like it was mutual and no big one part he said, "lots of changes.....Aunt Ione passed away, Sue is retiring and XXX is moving on....." Moving on???? are you kidding me? like it is no big deal.....

    anyways, please go ahead and vent away! i want to hear about your situation!
  8. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!
    I'm glad that you finally replied back. I was concerned about you and all that you're going through. Esp. when I did not hear from you in 3 days! My ESP was right on wasn't it,lol! I had a strong "feeling" that you were still very upset because you have SO much on your plate. I pray that you have enough faith and hope to know that it will get better once your hubby is out of the house! What religion are you and do you pray much? I just recently, in the past month got back into my spirituality and have been going to church for 3 weeks now as well as praying A LOT! I wish that I had never strayed from my faith but feel better about it now more than ever since returning back to God,you know?

    I have been having so many problems for so long with my health, our finances and marital troubles. Then just last August we found out that our daughter had been sexually abused from age 12-16 by my hubby's BEST friend. OMG, you can only imagine how horrible it was and my hubby and SIL went and threatened to kill this man if he EVER tried to contact or see our daughter or anyone else on my hubby's side of the family! Well, after talking with my hysterical daughter on the phone for 1 and a half hours that night she came out about everything! then she did'nt want to talk about it with her dad,real mom or sister. ( she is actually my stepdaughter ) but I don't believe in that word. I have 4 kids , one is biologically mine and a grandson, Ezekiel who is 5. So...she asked me to tell them all and I really wanted her to talk to them so she could get as much help and support as possible. Evidentally she had told her hubby everything and was so hysterical that he told her to call me! Her and I had always had a very communicative relationship since she was 16 and her dad and I got together. So, I did tell them all and they were not very supportive and did'nt really know what to say besides, I'm so sorry and I love you.

    Unfortunately, my hubby and his ex have never been very communicative people! Then a few days after she came out about the abuse, she told her hubby that she had been unfaithful to him several times about 7 years ago when they were using meth!! Well, since then he has been very controlling and mentally and emotionally abusive to her because he says she has to build back his trust. Things all came to a head when she told her hubby she felt that her dad had not protected her as he should have and that she believes that's why the abuse happened. She also told him that she KNOWS that the reason she was unfaithful to him was because she was sexually abused therefore became promiscious as a result. I believe that too for it happens with most girl's that way. She told me that she felt like that's all she was worth for letting herself be abused and her self esteem was at an all time low at the time. Her hubby, at the time her boyfriend, was hardly giving her any affection, intimacy or spending much time with her.

    David, ( my hubby ) and I have been a HUGE part of our grandsons life since he was born and he spends every other weekend with us. When I'm on vacation I spend a lot more time with him too! Anyways, we were supposed to take Zeke on that Wed. a month ago for the day and that weekend as well. Amber had said she would call us Mon. morning to set up a time for Zeke to come over on Wed. and did'nt call us until an hour before they had decided he was going to come to our house on that Wed.! We had even left her msgs. and she had not reuturned them. Well when she finally did call, David was annoyed with her for calling at the last minute, like we have no life and told her we had made other plans. She was upset and hung up on him. I said to him, why did you do that, I still want to see Zeke today! Then Zeke called and said, Nana why can't I come over and I said of course you can honey and that Papa had just made a mistake. Brian, my SIL took the phone away and asked to talk to David. When David got on the phone Brian ripped him a new one and said to him, you're a pussy, a crappy dad and Papa and Zeke is never coming to your house again! David said, who the hell do you think you are talking to you F word dick then Brian hung up on him. I started crying and saying, they can't take our baby grandson away from us! I was almost hysterical then David said he needed to go for a drive and left! I was still crying like crazy and decided to go to Amber and Brians house to try and talk to them knowing they may not even let me in! When I got there they let me in after standing just inside their doorway with Brian blocking it and Zeke crying and saying, Nana, Nana, Nana! Brian told him to go to his room and we sat down to talk and all Brian did was rant and rave and talk about how horrible my husband was, what? I was so shocked I barely said anything and amber said NOTHING! Then Brian went to smoke outside and Amber told me that he was just mad right now at her dad and that he just needed time to calm down.

    I went up to see Zeke for a few minutes until I started to cry. I told him I loved him, kissed and hugged him and told him not to be sad because I would see him soon and left his room. When I went downstairs I said to Brian, you don't really mean what you said about Zeke not coming over anymore and he said, yes I do! My daughter just sat there with her head down and I was so upset I just said, I have to leave. Brian said, don't worry Julie, you will get to see him just not at your house anymore. Well, Zeke is my absolute joy in life esp. with all of the problems that David and I have had and with me being sick and tired a lot of the time!

    I'm sorry this has turned into a novel, it's just such a long story! So.....for the past month that I have been on vacation I have only seen Zeke 3 times then only for an hour or too. My heart is broken and my soul feels empty most of the time because I don't know when or if this situation is going to change. I had a mini breakdown about 3 days after all of this happened and have since been trying to accept the things I cannot change, etc. .I went back to church and have been seeing my shrink twice a week and trying to get my head together. Now my fibro, CFS, IBS, insomnia and migraines are getting really bad. My husband and I don't talk much because he will not do whatever it takes to talk to Amber about everything and try to make things better and is very worried yet annoyed at me for being so upset and so sick that I had to take an extra week off of work. He does'nt know what to do or say to me and snaps at me A LOT because he keeps everything inside and lives in a "dream world" most of the time. We are now sleeping in separate rooms and he just finally said to me last night that he wants to try and talk to me more, that he is very worried about me and that he loves me and does'nt want to separate because I have brought that subject up lately. I also want him to go to therapy with me and he won't!

    Anyway, to make a long story even longer I have had severe insomnia and 4 panic attacks in the last week to add to all of my other physical, emotional and mental issues! Thanks SO much for letting me vent I guess I did'nt realize just how much I needed it. It's almost like therapy for the soul. Pink, I appreciate you being here for me right now and hope I don't sound like a nutcase,lol!

    I hope to hear from you soon and please feel free to write back a long novel yourself cause I DO want to hear how you are doing too!

    Working on having more faith and hope,
  9. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!

    I will on after I get home from mom's and errands. So, I will be back on the boards around 2 if you are here, if not I'm sure I'll talk to you tonite.

    Thanks for letting me vent, I know it was a lot to take in! It really did help as I can't talk to family much about it esp. my daughter and hubby!
    I appreciate you being here for me.

    Hope you're having a somewhat peaceful day,
    Gentle hugs, Julie :)
  10. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    I just wanted you to know I will be on the message boards after 2 or so today and will look for you. I hope that you are doing okay and get to have a little time to yourself today. My ESP is telling me that maybe that will happen!

    Sending out good "vibes" to you, Julie
  11. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey girl I'm back!

    I ended up having to do some extra errands and stuff today and just got home about an hour ago! Man, that really wiped me out! I drank a cup of coffee and took a pain pill to "wake myself up" and to make sure that I don't get into a flare. So..........I'm here if you come on and want to "talk".

    Hope you're hanging in there okay!, Julie
  12. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Hello Earthdog, and, the kids didn't have school so I did my daytime sleeping with one eye open....they are wanting to ride their bikes into town which means all over town, within their boundries.....i hate it....i can't keep them home forever but it makes me so nervous not knowing what they are up to....but that is what boys do...they ride bikes....

    my daughter that is away at school is so stressed out over exams and her father leaving us that she has a mouthful of canker sores and caught a cold. Today while she was at her nanny job, she started vomiting.....she gets this random vomiting thing that lasts just a few hours...she finally heard about Cyclical vomiting syndrome and it sounds like what happens to her....

    the parents finally came home from work and the dad was really sweet and covered her up on their couch with a blanket and then walked the dog since she was too sick to have taken care of that....then when the mom got home, she was all motherly and my daughter started to cry because of all the sympathy from her was nice to hear that people care about your child/adult child when you are not there....

    she is alone for the holiday because we live too far away for her to come home for easter....her 3 roomates are gone....on saturday morning, someone will drive over and pick her up for the weekend .....we have family in a nearby town to her hopefully, she will feel better tomorrow and have fun over the weekend....

    and today, i only had help with my disabled daughter until that is why i don't get on prohealth....i am busy trying to rest, deal with the boys, take care of my daughter, text to my sick daughter, let the dogs out over and over....they want to go out potty all the time now that it is nice outside....stinkers!

    hubby is leaving next week....he can't get in to his house to clean until monday....his spends his time at home drinking and sitting in the basement...he is avoiding the boys....

    he asked me if we should set up an organized schedule about when they would go to his house and then stay here....and i said i don't want a schedule for now....let them decide what they want...they are old enough and i told him i didn't think they would want to spend the night over there at first....i will never get to be alone in my house...i will always have my daughter to take care of....and he is really being a jerk about her now...he won't lift a finger to help her....unless it is really obvious that i am busy and then he will....but when i was in the bathtub and she started calling for us, he refused to go help her....i had to get out of the tub to see what she needed...

    in answer to your question, i was raised lutheran, married there....and then when our daughter started sunday school, the church was a split level and they would not put our daughter's sunday school room in an accessible the choir room or something....they said they weren't going to change everything for one we went over to the catholic husband was raised catholic....after about 3 years , i i am catholic now and will be kicked out when i get a divorce....well, i think i just wont' be able to take communion....

    tonight i want to see how others here qualified for a home health aide...i need help with shopping, cooking, cleaning, and laundry....i can't expect my boys to do all of that and my husband thinks he will be dumping all the man work on my older son....he is 14...he shouldn't have to play the part of a homeowner at 14....

    i maybe should think of selling this place....someone might want it to turn it into an assisted living home...the hard part is to find a place that is open enough for my daughter to be able to move around in her wheelchair and enough bedrooms

    talk to you soon...thanks for sharing your story....i dont' understand the son in sounds like he is a leach when it comes to mooching childcare for his guys take care of your grandson parents never helped me like that!! my dad would help during the day for a few hours every few days....but over way...sounds like he needs a reality "babysitting" everyother weekend and on wednesdays....huh....

    so sorry about your daughter's terrible disclosure....has it been too many years to press charges on the man that did this to her? he should be punished and stopped from doing it again....

    see ya, Pink
  13. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey Pink!

    I just came back on to read my emails and to go back to the msg. board and there was your reply......what a coincedence,lol! Sorry your day wasn't the greatest. I really hoped that you would get a little time to yourself but I know how hard it is for you! I'm gonna surf the net a bit tonite re: bipolar disorder. My dr. told me yesterday that he thinks I may be bipolar and it was just "masked" because of the CFS and fibro all of these years. He decreased the Adderral to 20mgs. for 4 days then I'm supposted to stop taking it. He wants to wait until the Adderral is out of my system before I go on anything else AND he will test me to see if I REALLY am bipolar and at what level before he prescribes something else. I will see him next Thurs. so that is good.

    He also thinks that the Adderral just made me react much worse to the added stress re: my daughter and grandson! He thinks that is another reason why I was having all of the panic attacks , crying all the time and basically "feeling like I was on a rollercoaster" then feeling a lot better to the point of wearing myself out! I'm feeling pretty scared about the bipolar thing but WILL do some research and then just learn how to live with it. What else can I do, right?

    Well, it does sound like things are getting a bit better and just have faith and know that it WILL get better esp. when your husband moves out! I hope you can get some decent sleep tonite and have some ME time tomorrow! Take care of youself as it will only make you feel well enough to deal with everything.

    Keep the faith, Hugs, Julie
  14. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    he would start by dropping my daughter off at a group home for the disabled.....then he would be happy as a pig in a poke cuz he would have his hot tub and the swimming pool....the girlfriend is still an alleged gf but we shall see...

    oh, and he could drink openly in front of the boys and their friends and would invite his drinking buddies over...and he could yell at the boys all he wanted...and drive with the boys in the car after he has been drinking all evening....

    i don't think he is afraid of the chores cuz he does them now....

    the reason i stayed here with the kids eve though i can't take care of the house and the chores is because i don't trust him alone with them while he drinks....and he would force our daughter into a group home....she doesn't want to go live there...she wants to live at home with her family....she has been ripped off in life so bad, why not give her the one thing she really wants?

    so, in order to keep the kids as happy as possible and keep their lives as smooth as possible i have to sacrifice.... and he doesn't have to as much...he does have to live in a yucky little house..and his money is all going to go to us to keep a roof over our heads....and food on the table....the best solution would have been for he and i to get some counseling and take care of our family together....what a waste!

    my 11 yr old is driving me nuts today....he is so bored and won't quit nagging me to look at this and that on the computer!!! i am so miserable ...having a big old flare...i a surprise i didn't have a flare start up sooner than this....

    hugs, Pink

  15. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hey Pink!

    I'm surprised to see you on the message board during the day! Sorry you're having a flare and your son is driving you nuts! Make sure you take care of yourself so the flare doesn't get worse! Maybe you can get your son to go over to a friend's house or for 1 to come over there. That would get him out of your hair and give you some time to chill!

    Read my previous post re: the bipolar thing. I am having a really hard time dealing with the very notion that I even might have it. Even though I KNOW I have it! My dr. is going to test me this Thurs. but he already said that I have it just knowing me for 11 years and all the craziness Iv'e beeen going through!

    Any thoughts or ideas on how to deal right now would be much appreciated!

    Peace and Faith, Julie
  16. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  17. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    You are keeping some fancy company if you truly have bi polar depression....Catherine Zeta Jones went in for in patient treatment for a few weeks to treat her bi polar II depression.....and she doesn't seem wear it proudly....

    i think this stuff is so common these days....

    i tried adderall for energy and added pain relief but it made me crazyyyyy.....nervous and doc and I need to give it another try, on a lower dose, if i decide i want to give it another whirl....

    was awake all night of course, last night since i knew that i had to start getting dressed at 11am to go to Easter Brunch with my parents, my sister and her hubby and kids....and my bro and sis in law....and bro and sis in law NEVER come for Easter!!!! they live about an hour away but just stay home and have a quiet day....they don t'have kids....and are both teachers...they need the quiet to re group...they think they have such a stressful life!!! ahahahahaha!!!! cuz of their jobs!!! but they come home to an empty house! no pets, even!

    anyways, i was very touched that they drove over to have brunch with us because it was my first holiday with my hubby absent....and of course, my college daughter is too far to come home for a short holiday....

    hubby just came in our room to talk about money....and when we should have our mortgage paid and when we should have the new rent taken out of the just makes my stomach hurt....we have to come up with an extra $1000 per month, at least!!! to put him in an is tight for us already.....and now we need to pay for garbage pick up and stuff that he used to take care of....start to worry and my stomach hurts instantly...and then if i keep it up, i get the runs....i spend so much time with the heating pad on my stomach...

    luckily one friend gave hubby a queen size bed that is new....and another friend had a twin bed for one of our that will help...he is taking one couch and the broken recliner...and a few tables that we had in storage....

    today he ran the vacuum through most of the house...someone is feeling quilty.....he also ironed my blazer for brunch today even though i told him he wasn't invited to go with family would have blown a gasket if he wouldhave shown up for brunch....i had to make plans for easter when he was planning to be settled in his little rental house....and then he couldn't move in for another week....

    i just can't wrap my mind around the fact that in a few nights, maybe one, he will not be living in our has been 24 years! i never liked it when someone was sick and he didn't sleep in the bed with me...i always wanted to sleep in the same was horrible the first nights he slept in the basement....on the third night, i begged him to come sleep with me, that it was too lonely upstairs....what a weakling i, it doesn't bother me at all....

    i want to focus on the fact that maybe, just maybe, i will meet the sweetest man ever....someone that will treat me better than hubby has over the years....i want to be cherished by someone....but, i really sounds like too much work, too....meeting someone and getting to know them....and all the disappointments that come along....they are never sounds way too tiring....what a mixed bag!

    i did find out that i will have his dresser now, since there is built in drawers at his house and i will get his side of our 9 ft closet and his downstairs closet where he hangs his non work clothes! i will have lots of room for lots of clothes but no extra money for clothes....boooooo!!!!

    and that is the lastest blah, blah, blah in my sad, and disappointing and feel better about your is guaranteed to cheer you up!
  18. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

  19. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member

    Hi Pink!

    Sorry it took me so long to reply back to you. I went into a terrible flare, migraines, IBS and the fibro was really bad! I even took muscle relaxers for 2 days just cause my legs were hurting SO bad I was crying! The Vicodin wasn't even helping like it usually does. I ended up taking 2 extra Vicodin both days thinking it would help but it just made my IBS worse. I HATE it when I get into a flare cause I don't know how long it's going to last,you know? Sometimes you just can't win with these DD's even when you think you're doing everything you can to make it better. Anyhow, I am finally feeling good enough to get back to the board!

    I wanted to say thank you for your words of support between the things with my daughter and about the bipolar! I have been researching about bipolar and think that I may have one of the lowest forms of it, I hope! I am seeing my shrink tmo and he is going to test me throughly then will adjust my meds accordingly. I am actually looking forward to it so he can get me on the right meds cause I HAVE to go back to work next Monday! Oh, did I mention that I work 30 hours a week as a Clinical Assistant at the Elementary School 1 block from my house? I really do like my job but realize that I may have to go on disability sometime in the near future. My whole family thinks I do better when I'm working but that's just emotionally not physically. I love taking care of the kids but with all of these DD's I have to I miss a lot of work.

    I'm so glad to hear that you got to enjoy Easter with your family!! See how much they care about you? I'm very proud of you for starting to see some of the good things about your hubby leaving. Think of the peace of mind you and your kids are going to feel.....I'm so jealous of your 9 foot closet and your extra closet downstairs!! Oh, did you find an attorney who would do a free consultation yet? I agree with everyone else, he will probably have to pay for his and yours! Make sure you get everything you can for yourself and your kids! What about the home health care thing, did you get any info on that yet?

    I'm really glad that you are being so strong in your situation cause I know how hard it is. One day at a time they say and it's so true. The fact that you can even imagine finding another man someday is a very positive thing! And, guess what, it will happen when you least expect it! It happened to me, this is my 2nd husband and last one,lol! He is so very kind and understanding and takes very good care of me! I feel guilty sometimes for not being able to do as much for him but I am very affectionate and loving towards him and he is happy with that!

    Hope your doing okay and look forward to your reply, Hugs, Julie :))
  20. earthdog2000

    earthdog2000 Member