TO: ILOVEPINK4

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Adl123, Sep 25, 2006.

  1. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Hi,
    I was reading your good advice to someone who needed to escape an abusive husband. It occurred to me that maybe you could help me know what to do.

    My friend and her roommae are at odds. He is 6 foot 4, and over 300 pounds. He is an epiliptic and has had many grand mal seizures, during which he stopped breathing. The result is that he is not thinking "right".

    He has stopped paying his half of the expenses, with the result that my friend has almost gone bankrupt. She asked him to leave, and he said that he wouldn't, that if he couldn't have the house, neither could she. Right now she is trying to save enough money to move, and is looking for an apartment or house that she can afford.

    She has no car, and lives in the mountains, so I drive her when I can. He is mercurial. One day he is nice, and the other he is angry and terrifying. Social services has been of almost no help. She is on the list for a section 8 place, but there are over 300 people ahead of her, and we are in a small community.

    She won't leave because she has been homeless before, and is determined that she won't be homeless and loose everything again, especially not because of him. I know she is still in the "blaming him" stage, but I'm more concerned about her safety. She has a dog and a cat.

    My health is bad,and my heart easily affected, and I can't do as much as I would lke. At the same time, I figure that if she were really wanting to move, she would take the stepes to do so, like moving into a studio cottage,(she wants a biger place) or getting the assistance dog halter for her dog (she is disabled).

    Do you have any help as to what I might say to her? My Dr. has already told me not to help her, as the last crisis caused a heart episode, but we have been friends for over 30 years,and I can't just abandon her.

    Thanks,
    Terry
    [This Message was Edited on 09/25/2006]
  2. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    First your health MUST come first .Do not get involved if it is stress on you.

    Whos name is on the lease? If this person is abusive she needs to make a police report.

    If she thinks something is seriously wrong with him she should talk to a dr. or social service and tell them hes ill and they need to help her have him removed.

    If he owns part of this home she will have to get legal aid to help her resolve the problem.
    She could also ask a minister to aid her in a solution.
    Good luck but you may not be able to do anything to help.But please take care of you first.
  3. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member


    Thanks for your advice and concern.
    My friend and her roommate had a rental agreement for the last house they lived in. Then this one came up, it was owned by the same people, and so the landlord told them to just move, and no one ever wrote up anothr rental areement. So he has as much right there as she does.

    She called the police one day, but, because he didn't actually hit her, or threaten her directly, they wouldn't do anything.

    The Dr. won't talk with her because she is not his spouse. It's a shame, too, because he says almost nothing at the doctor's, and so, the Dr. doesn't know that is conversation is on a 12 year old's level. He has no idea of the inappropriate judgments he makes - that's why he can't keep a job.

    I'm trying to keep a distance, and still do what I can.

    Hugs,
    Terry