Jackie, I was reading Proverbs this morning and a few verses jumped out at me and made me realize something----ah you just maybe right, LOL. Proverbs 16:18--Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." First of all I had to look up haugtiness. It means blantanly and disdainfully proud. My pride of wanting to be "normal" is getting in the way of me healing. Right now fibro is my life and I did not realize it until I read these passages. If I am in pain and am not doing what I need to do to get out of it, like slow down(I know everyone has told me so. I figure if enough people tell you to buy a saddle that you may be a horse)and take care of me there will be no me left. It is so very hard for me to submit- a spiratual principle I prayed for this morning. My hubby has gotten in my face about the level of activity I envolve myself in on the weekends and after work and has basically ordered me to rest this weekend. He has never, I repeat , never told me what to do in the 15 years I have known him. His orders come out of worry for my health and love and I realize that this morning. I am like the Phoenix and have rose from the ashes so many times in my life through God's grace and my stubborn pride. I said to God this morning that I surrender to this DD and may your will be done not mine! I forgot that if I do not surrender it is my own darn pride getting in the way. A burdon i have carried for all my life because of my childhood i suppose. I want so badly to show my daughter that this disease can not take you over and i believe i have been giving her the wrong message. She needs to see self care and rest in order to survive this and I am showing her destruction and myself. another verse was-16:20--" Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust in the Lord will be happy" 16:23 "From Wise minds comes wise speech, the words of the wise are persuasive." You are just a person whose words I read on a daily basis and yet I seem to know you. I respect and listen to you most of the time. I appreciate the light which you have turned on for me. I believe God speaks to me through anything and anybody he can use to get through to my thick scull. I have always gotten to the other side of my flares and will not give myself a break. I realized yesterday that I am only 3 months post op from some serious surgery and it will take time to get beyond the damage that was done. You would be proud of me this morning. I got up made my coffe(i know need to give that up) and got back in bed on my hometics massager and read and had devotion time with God for about two hours. I then mediatated on his word and listened realy listened and he has made things clear for me. I am not perfect by any means, a work in progress. What has worked in the past does not work now because I face a different beast than before. Thank you so much for being there for me. I am now off to get a massage and then home to a good long detox bath. god bless you and yours, cathy ps i thing the whirlwind that i have been caught up in has been some spiratual warfare-i just joined my chrch last week and everyone that has done so faced some warfare beforeme and it is now my turn.