To jamedw1 - how is your somebody?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by bwoodruff, May 27, 2003.

  1. bwoodruff

    bwoodruff New Member

    Ed -
    My hubby and I were on a much needed weekend getaway so I wanted to check back in and see how your lovely other half was doing.

    Has her flare abated any? Is she letting you spoil her rotten? :) Did you get to send her flowers even if she'd yell at you for spending money on her?? he he

    I was telling my hubby about you and his response was "Sounds like a good man to me" I told him I whole heartedly agree!

    Let me know how you guys are doing - I'm gonna be late for work if I don't scoot - later!

    B.
  2. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    ... not too good...
    she's in a pretty bad one...
    by far the worst i've ever seen, and perhaps the worst she's ever had...

    i heard from her monday afternoon telling me as much...
    she was hoping to get to her rheumy yesterday, and her folks were coming up, but i haven't heard anything at all for almost 2 days... and as you can imagine i'm pretty concerned...

    the only thing that kept me from hopping in my car and driving the 12 hrs to be with her, was her... i offered, and she said no... altho i'm filled with self-disappointment at myself for not just doing it... but i haven't been thru anything quite like this before...

    all i can do is wait, now, and trust in my love for her, and hers for me... and keep praying that she's getting the rest she needs, and hopefully that she's not gotten any worse...

    but my heart is aching for her, and i don't know what to do...

    i haven't gotten the flowers sent because there isn't a florist near her that will admit to knowing that the address i have for her is one that exists... but i've tried... i know she'd yell at me anyway...lol... what i'm hoping for, really, is just word from her... and maybe her telling me she needs me "there"... because i feel so helpless, useless, and indecisive... from "here"...

    thank your husband for his kind words, and bless you both for even thinking about us, at a time when we can use all the positive energy we can get...

    my heart hurts so much...
    and even tho i've made attempts to contact her, and am leaving every possible means of communication open, it is all up to her... which is, perhaps, as it should be... all i can do is wait and pray...

    any and all suggestions are appreciated... :)

    thanks, again...
    ed
  3. bwoodruff

    bwoodruff New Member

    Oh, I had so hoped that she'd be bouncing back by now. I'm sorry she's not doing well.

    BTW I just read your second response in my "introducing me" thread and it was so very sweet - your love for her vibrates through your words and I chance to say that they are probably what keeps her going sometimes. Maybe instead of flowers you could send her a couple of cards in the mail so she'd get them several days in a row - your words are so eloquent and I'm sure would help her heal.

    I know this is a really frustrating time for you, but she's doing the right thing by going to the doctor. Maybe once you find out what the doc has to say, you can test the waters and see about making a trip to see her. In the mean time, be supportive and try not to make yourself crazy, huh?

    Love is a funny thing - you wonder how in the world you could possibly NOT do something when someone you love is in pain, but you do because it's what they ask of you. It takes a lot of strength to do that - don't think that you are letting her down by doing what she has asked you to do - for now you ARE being supportive. Once her doctor has determined what's up, then you can look toward tomorrow.

    Hang in there my friend - you're doing great - I promise it will get better!

    Now that I know how SHE is - are YOU ok??
  4. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    ... not too good...
    but i did get word, in a way...
    she had her daughter "pm" me that they perscribed some oxycontin for her, which i know a little about... so needless to say, if my information is correct, i'm sure she's been not only incapacitated by the pain, but by the meds as well...

    i guess she also has some knots in her shoulders, and her parents were taking her for some trigger point shots?... does that make sense... and from what her daughter says, they'll be sedating her for that...i still have so much to learn...

    i don't know what to do anymore... i've become so dependent on her voice to bridge the distance between us... and between the end of the school year, softball tournaments with her daughter, and her flare, communications have been few and far between, for 2 weeks now, and it's taking it's toll on me... it's taking every ounce of energy i have just to keep some sort of equilibrium about me... every ounce of trust and faith not to let old demons stir themselves up and interfere with some sense of clarity of thought...

    i suppose if there ever was some sort of "test" from God, this is it... but even in my moments of doubt and mostly self induced anxiety, the only thing that i am sure of is that i love her... for what and who she is... and i've committed my focus and life's path in one direction... hers... i just hope it's me they don't "commit" before all is said and done... :)

    we've made plans for her to come and visit in june... something i've been looking most forward to, and have spent weeks in preparation for... and even though it was planned for 2 weeks from now, nothing has in any way been settled... and now with this... and i know that as long as she DOES come, the timing is mostly irrelevant... but when you set your hopes as high as i have, every little "slip" seems like a major setback... i really need to learn to relax more... but being with her means everything to me... and sometimes i find it hard to strike the balance... it's on me... i know this... and i'm getting an idea of what the future may hold... but oddly enough, through all the confusion, my reslove remains unwaivered... i just need to be with her so i can finally relax a bit and let "all" the senses come in to play and pray for the chemistry i am all but convinced will be there take it's natural course...

    cards are out... she has a post office box and visits it maybe 2x a month... and im sure she wont be planning any trips anytime soon...lol...

    i just need to hear her voice... it was really sweet that she had her daughter relay some info to me... at least i'm somewhat apprised of the situation... but for me, the only thing that will satisfy my demons will be "her" voice...
    just to let me "breathe" a little, and know, for sure, things i need to know... i'm just a bit frazzled... but what "sobers" me is knowing that no matter how hard it is for me, it's got to be harder for her...

    well, if this isn't "exerps from a tortured mind", i don't know what is...lol...
    thanks for asking...
    ed
  5. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    you say her daughter 'pm'd' you - does that mean 'private messaged?' like on msn or aol?

    Does she have a computer - you could send her email cards or letters via email? I'm guessing she doesn't have a puter or you would have gone down that route...

    You are so patient and being so torn apart by this - it's a pity she's so inacessible...

    Hopefully, once this awful flare subsides, she will have more energy to contact you or accept your contacts.

    It's hard for anyone who doesn't have this to comprehend just how much it wipes you out, physically, mentally and emotionally. You just ARE the pain and the illness for a while. Really yukky.

    Stick with it honey, we are all rootin for you both!

    warm hugs,
    Mary x
  6. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    she does have a comp and i have sent a get well ecard or 2...
    it's just not the same...
    plus there are things i know that sort of make me sad in regards to what it is that i know... (sorry to be confusing, but unable to admit some things to myself)...

    thats why i need "voice"...
    it's the only thing that bears truth for me...
    and it's the only thing i've ever been after...

    so i sit and wait...
    but, as always, thanks for the cheer...
    ed
  7. bwoodruff

    bwoodruff New Member

    I wish this site posted the previous messages as well as the original message - I had to print out the whole freaking thread because I wanted to respond to everything but my brain is having a "foggy" day and I kept losing my train of thought!! Got to be able to laugh at yourself when you have this stupid illness I suppose - ha ha.

    I think Mary hit it on the head when she said "You just ARE the pain and the illness for a while. Really yukky." Amen to that! We've got a nasty storm heading our way today and I'm feeling every bit of it as it inches it's way east.

    Now, back to your post - it's a good sign that she had her daughter get word to you re: her condition and pending treatment. At least she's communicating - better than nothing - not exactly what you want, but better than nothing. I've never been on oxycontin myself - Vicodin has always been good to me and gotten me through, so I don't know much about it - just that it's potent stuff, but it might be dosed so that it makes her not drugged, but able to function.

    As for the trigger point shots - could be the lidocaine shots, or I've actually had steroid shots in my hips when they've gotten really bad - haven't been sedated for it tho - don't know what that's about, so can't tell you much on that subject. Perhaps you can call her parents and they can give you more info??

    You know, I think God created dating to test relationships - ha ha. I do admit that marriage is tough, and anyone who says it isn't hasn't been married, but at least once you you get married, you live under the same roof, you've learned each other's habits and what the looks and tones mean - you've kind of figured it out. Dating is like putting a blind man in a round room and telling him to go sit in a corner - it's enough to make the most sensable person bananas!

    Obviously there are a lot of things at work here - distance, admittedly some self induced anxiety, personal demons rearing their ugly heads simply because unfortunately she's not there to dissapate the questions that arise when you are being pushed away and closed out - all perfectly natural and totally understandable, so don't fret that you are being unreasonable and demanding.

    Are you waiting for the proverbial BUT?? I'm not going to give you one because I am the first one to admit that I can be difficult and contrary and can shove people away with the best of them when I don't feel well. I hate that I behave that way, and I always feel bad about it and always end up apologising for it. Would I change it - hell yes, can I change it, nope. I can acknowledge that I do it after the fact, but when it's happening I just know I feel lousy and just want to curl up and hide from the world. As I've said, after a couple of days my hubby shows the signs of wear and I see it and realize it has been happening.

    What do you do - for you, for her? Good question. Since I don't know your exact circumstances it's hard to say how far you can push it - I can only speak from my own experience and if it were us, my hubby would have said "Enough already - you're not going to keep me away" and that would have been the end of discussion just because that's how he is. Since you are 12 hours away and it seems that she's in a rather remote area (?) that makes things a bit more difficult - I also can only gage from your comments the seriousness of your relationship (serious as in level of commitment)and obviously you are very committed. Were I you, after 2 weeks of this, I'd be saying "Enough already" and trying to figure a way to get to get through. You are probably correct in assuming that her trip in June will be delayed, perhaps you can take a day or two off and go see her, if just for a few days. It seems to me that it would probably do you both some good.

    Keep communicating, keep supporting, keep loving, but don't forget to take care of yourself too - you can only be her "rock" if you are physically and emotionally healthy yourself. Obviously part of that comes from being in touch with her, so be sure you are honest and open with her and your need for her in your life - she might need to hear that you need her in order to help her regain her fight for control on her life (does that make sense - like I said, I'm a little foggy today - we actually had some tornadoes go through while I was typing this, so if its a bit disjointed, I apologize, but I was listening for sirens!!) I know my husband needs me - our cat, my mom, our 6 nieces and nephews need me. Knowing that they need me makes all the difference in my life - it might make a difference in hers too.

    Hang in there ed - be strong for her, be good to you.
    Keep me updated :)
    B.
  8. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    looks like this is gonna be much harder than i thought...

    much too much to type (altho that hasnt stopped me b4)...

    let it suffice to be said that she wanted to quit, but i wouldn't let her...

    and where yesterday i was near devastation, today.... well, what a difference a day makes...

    gotta love the roller coaster, or you'll never enjoy the ride... :)
    (and just like i try to impress upon everyone on this message board... don't quit... don't "ever" quit)...
    not when you know it's right...

    somewhere between totally lost and even more determined...
    ed
    p.s. as always, thank you for your kind words...
    [This Message was Edited on 05/29/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 05/29/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 05/29/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 05/29/2003]
  9. bwoodruff

    bwoodruff New Member

    Ed,
    I love rollercoasters - they scare the c*#p out of me, but that's why I love them! You put yourself there and all you can do is hang on for dear life, but it's like no other feeling in the world ;)

    Yes, a day can make all the difference in the world, and I'm so glad to hear you didn't let her quit - this life involves the two of you now and I'll just bet it made a big difference for both of you! I'm very proud of you!!

    Keep me updated, huh - hope things continue to progress and I hope she's feeling better.

    I look forward to hearing and update! Take care!
    B.

  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    We try to keep this area for illness-related topics as much as possible and personal messages make it difficult for those seeking info about our illnesses. Click on Message Boards in the strip above and it will take you to all our other forums. Thank you.

    Love, Mikie