To Jeanne-in-Canada ( re: the wedding)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by alaska3355, May 30, 2006.

  1. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    I haven't read your recent posts- how are the wedding plans going? Hopefully, you've reached a compromise with your fiance and can have a "small" wedding. We're interested- let us know how it is going. Terri
    [This Message was Edited on 05/31/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/02/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 06/03/2006]
  2. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    Well, you guys are the first to know, since we just had a big discussion tonight, and we are postponing it indefinitely.

    Don't be alarmed, or sad for us. It's taken a big load off both are minds, it ws just a big ball of stress, pressure, deadlines, extra work-shopping-errands, and financial burden. the biggest thing was losing my disability, that I fought so long and hard for. I can't work yet, and I'd be losing my financial independance. I just wasn't ready for it.

    He makes me love him all the more because he brought it up to let me off the hook. We just sent out the invitations last wknd too. $109. for the darn things, ggrrowl, grumble.

    It's going to be fun to break it to his sister esp. who's worked hard to plan my bridal shower - which is THIS SUNDAY. Oops, guess not anymore. I'm hoping we'll still have the party though, but will have to let people off the hook about the gifts. That's almost a bummer, hehe.


    Jeanne
  3. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    but you're right about it needing to be something you are both comfortable with. Maybe you could just elope????
  4. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

  5. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    And I feel so relieved, not to have only another mth of mad planning and spending, only to be broke w/ no income of my own as soon as we are married.

    I just can't bring myself to give up my disability benefits yet. They just sent me a letter saying I have it permanently, w/out having to do anymore medical reviews. that's a real kick in the asterisks a mth before my nuptuals. they fought me off for 3 and a half long, agonizing years and I'm still pretty scared from the experience.

    So Ron and I still want to get married. He's a bit disappointed that we aren't doing it this summer, he's always been pushing for it, not me. But he's not pushing it anymore, he knows I want to be w/ him, and he understands he doens't stand to lose a bunch of things to marry me, as I do.

    My friends and family are unfased so far. Several of them thought I shouldn't get married and lose my disability money anyway, it's $1200 a mth, ouch. Looks like there will be a sort of shower this wknd anyway. It's due Sunday, less than 2 days now and food is ready, and some people want to give their gifts regardless. The way they see it, there will still be a wedding, just not on the invitation date they got (just sent last wkdn).


    Jeanne
  6. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

  7. eeyoreblue02

    eeyoreblue02 Member

    I didn't know you would lose disability if you got married. Bummer! Do they think you're less disabled when married?

    Do whatever is best for you. Sounds like you've got a good man and understanding family. I think they should still buy you gifts though! :eek:)

    Linda
  8. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I'm on ODSP through the provincial govt, and its income dependant. So if I work I can only make so much before they deduct. If I'm married they combine our incomes and he makes too much for them to continue giving me benefits, or so they think.

    I'm allowed to keep my disability now, even though they know we are living together, because they consider us financially independant of each other. I report everything honestly and filled out their forms, and because we own no joint property, have no bank acct, credit cards, life insurance,a nd I have no inheratince from him and no claim to his house, truck, nothing (he has it all legally willed to family since before he met me), then I'm still entitled. If anything were to happen to him, though we live together and probably would be considered commonlaw, I'd have no legal right to anything.

    He ws of course going to change all that fo rthe marriage though. But its worked well for us living together cause it allows me to keep my income, medical, perscription, and dental benefits.


    Jeanne


    Jeanne
  9. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I get a special diet allowance at the maximum rate of $250. I used to get a travel allowance on top of it, but it ran out and I didn't renew it being w/ Ron now, though I'd easily qualify because we live a half hour or more out of Ottawa.

    Perks like diet allowance can depend on your municipality though. The ODSP amount is the same across ON, but the perks are municipal, and Ottawa has some of the best perks in ON. When I was in Pembroke I hardly got any extras, but it evened out because cost of living is cheaper there. My sister actually moved to Ottawa for awhile just to get false teeth. She had to live for years w/ no teeth, only in her early 20's too, because Pembroke municipality was too cheap to pay. She was on Mother's allowance though, but ODSP is just another branch of Social Services.


    Jeanne
  10. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    Today, this sunday was my scheduled shower date, planned to the hilt by my sil Natalie. hear she wasn't too thrilled about me cancelling at last minute, but she brought some munchies, not near what she'd bought, they were going to cook fancy recipes. They cancelled for the family invited, but most of my friends came, and my sister still came from Pembroke w/ her own fian ce, and Natalie (sil) and my mil came too.

    Everyone who came still wanted to give their presents. Wowsa, we would have needed another barn for storage if I'd had the whole shower, I still got lots. The day was lots of fun.

    Talked to Mom tonight, like my friends, she thinks I totally did the right thing, better to wait. She even mentioned w/out me sayng that we have been too busy w/ moving and renos to plan this so soon, she knew it was too much for us, esp. me sick.


    Jeanne
  11. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I'm really happy for you, and you sound comfortable with your decision. That's a good thing!!

    I've always wondered why some people cancel a wedding and the relationship at the same time? Makes no sense to me, I just don't get it!!!

    Makes more sense to cancel the wedding but continue the relationship until everything feels right.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B.