To me123

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Potpourri, Dec 9, 2004.

  1. Potpourri

    Potpourri New Member

    This is from the CFS/FM board:

    I know I've gotten into some bad habits when I decided during illness 25 years to do only what I felt like doing. So now if I'm not in the mood for housekeeping, for example, it generally doesn't get done. I'll often feel strong enough to sit at the computer but not to stand at the sink and wash dishes, but then I'll use up all the energy I have while at the computer. I've gotten so used to protecting myself from overdoing it, that I think I could do more now at times than I attempt, but it's hard to get moving when I have to make myself do it. I often feel disgusted with myself, lazy, and ashamed for anyone to come around.

    But there are times I'm totally wanting to clean house and my lack of energy just won't let me complete the action. That's when I get depressed. I need to learn to do the little bit I can rather than not doing anything because I don't feel up to completing the whole task.

    You primarily mentioned going to church, so I'll tell you my experience there too. I used to go to church a lot till I became too sick to get there, moved, and have had some disappointing/bad experiences with trying a couple new churches. In the meantime, I've realized that I have as much PTSD from my religious upbringing as I do from physical abuses. I see it as a stage of my healing to allow myself freedom from church and "religion" per se, as well as other "obligations."

    Often we feel guilty because we think we're not measuring up to someone else's expectations of us. But what is right for YOU? Maybe rest and personal reflection and meditation would do you more good than going to church. Maybe you need to be free of any strangling or crushing obligations to live up to anything. It can be hidden stresses like that which make our conditions worse.

    That may or may not fit your case. I'm just speaking from what I've found true for myself and you can judge whether it resonates with you or not. Maybe you can allow yourself to get in touch with your feelings of not wanting to go to church and determine why that is. Is it the physical difficulty? Is it something that happens there or someone you meet? Does the sermon leave you feeling guilty and condemned? Are you bored there? Do you feel encouraged and uplifted or discouraged and pulled down after being there? In other words, is there something about going that makes it worth the effort to you?

    I know this is a difficult--and probably scary--issue. I believe you'll find answers for youself as you approach it thoughtfully and prayerfully. You're not alone in this.

  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator


    lazy?? 12/09/04 09:17 AM

    Very interesting you posted this. I struggle with the same doubts. In all other aspects of my life I have comes to terms with my illness. But my spiritual activity is not what it "should" be. My religion is active in public ministry and conducting personal home bible study. Also we have 3 times a week we meet for different congregation meetings.

    I have also wondered when I miss meetings or cannot be as active as I want to be if it is a reflection of my faith and maybe I am weakening.

    The things that have helped me is to read my bible daily and it really helps me to see how God views me. The scripture about the woman who at the temple gives two coins of small value and Jesus points her out and said that her contribution was more than all the others becuase she gave out of her want and gave all she had, while others were giving out of their surplus. Very powerful example for me that reminds me all I do is noticed by Jehovah and Jesus and that they approve becuase all I give is out of my want. My energy and time and material resources are giving out of want and I do give all I can.

    I also know that I need to make an extra effort since I can't make it to my congregation meetings all that often to keep myself spiritually feed by reading my bible daily and studying on my own. I also try to surround myself with people who are positive and love Jehovah too. They are a constant support and keep me focused, which keeps me positive and in a good frame of mind to take care of myself better.

    Don't get discouraged and give up all together, just focus your worship in not just physcially being in your church but focus on what you can do every day to be a better person and develop those qualities that God values.

  3. me123

    me123 New Member

    Thank you who took the time to write back. I will try to sort out my feelings. I am a Christian and I want to please God.