To Sandy "HiRiskRN".......

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by catgal, Jun 17, 2003.

  1. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Sandy~~I just read your post "I Give Up", and I feel exactly as you do, and I wish to God we didn't have to go through this. But, I also know that we can't throw in the towel--somehow we have to keep going.

    I have been bedridden for the past 4 days and feeling as though I were coming apart at the seams--breaking out into crying spells, high anxiety, depression, feeling like a nervous wreck, everything is flaring, pain is everywhere.

    I am holding onto my 3-day a week job by my fingernails and wonder any day now when I'm going to go in and be let go because of missing so much work and being so far behind in essential paperwork. I was supposed to go into work this morning as I work Tuesday through Thursday--but when I got up and tried to get around and get ready--my head started spinning, my asthma was so bad I could barely breathe, my back was killing me, and my hands were so swollen and inflammed from the rheumatoid arthritis that I couldn't bend them. And yet I knew I couldn't afford to not go to work today because since I'm part-time...if I don't work--I don't get paid and am already short some days on this coming paycheck. I tried so hard to get ready, but I just could not do it. So, I called my supervisor and told him I was ill (again, and again, and again), but that I would try and make it in by noon. And no matter what it takes, I'm going to drag myself up there. I worry how the bills are going to get paid, my car payment made, medical expenses paid, how I'm going to live, survive--yet all that does is stress me into worse flares and higher anxiety. I do own my own home--but how to keep the water, lights, gas, etc. on? And it disgusts me that I can't even work 3 days a week, but I feel like I just can't keep working due to this FM/CFS/DDD and so many other ailments. Yet, how will I live?

    I am so sorry that your parents have hurt you so badly and won't help you. My Mother lives far away, is elderly, and doesn't have money to support me. Since you have children, it would seem to me that the State would have to help you in some way financially and also with low rent housing. Call your Governor, Congressman, state representative. They must know of some programs that could help you. That they could give a call to and get you some immediate help.

    For someway, somehow--we've got to keep going. I don't understand why you parents help your ex and refuse to help you? Do they blame you for the divorce? Whatever their reason--it is cruel and heartless. If there was any way I could help you Sandy--I would.

    You have devoted your career and your life to helping others; God knows you've been an inspiration to so many on this Board, and I just have faith that God will throw you a lifeline.

    I am sitting here having a full anxiety attack while the clock is ticking, and I know I am going to have to get myself together somehow and get ready to go to work. And, I honestly wonder how I'm going to make it....but I'm going to keep putting one foot in front of the other until I get there. Once there--I may not be worth a damn--but at least I will have shown up for a half day's work. I wish I could just quit and take a long rest--but will have to hang in there until I get fired. I don't feel as though I can go on either, but I refuse to let this illness beat me.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. This damn disease cannot win. May God watch over you--and throw you that lifeline as soon as possible. Blessings to you, Carol...