to tell or not to tell

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by minkanyrose, Sep 16, 2006.

  1. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    My 17 year old daughter has signs I suspect may be fms.

    Frequent migranes, abdominal pain, dizziness,fainting, hurting hips, fatigue.

    I have fms and I don't want to tell her because I thik It would discurrage her to think she may have it to. She says mom If i get that I am going to kill you when I have my bad days.

    she goes to nuroligest for migraine meds she told him she has abdominal pain but then said I think it was just diareah. her nurolegist doesn't know I have it because I see a different dr. should I mention it to her nueoroligest or just wait till the symptoms get more often.
  2. Redwillow

    Redwillow New Member

    Hi Minkanyrose

    I am sorry your daughter has symptoms of FM. So does mine.

    I have a daughter who is 24 and I am also concerned that she may have FM as well.

    She has sleep problems, GERD, menstral problems, joint pain, gluten intolerance, IBS ....

    When she was going for her yearly physical at the clinic at the university that she attended I told her to tell the GP that her mother has FM as part of her family history. The doctor tested her for the FM tender points and said he thought she had about half of them.

    I asked her at that point if she wanted to go to a specialist and she said no. She is still attending university, in her last semester of becoming a teacher.

    She isn't ready to deal with a possible diagnosis of FM so I am not pushing her. I talk about it if she wants to but try not to jump on everything she says and point out that could be an FM symptom.

    At the moment she takes medication to help her acid reflux (GERD), and birth control pills to help with her menstral problems. She also has to follow a strict gluten free diet. This is all that she is willing to address right now.

    It really bothers me that I might have passed this rotten condition on to my daughter. I believe that my father's side of the family there is a strong family history of this illness.

    hugs Marion (Redwillow)


    [This Message was Edited on 09/16/2006]
  3. sleepyinlalaland

    sleepyinlalaland New Member

    parenting quandry I've had...and still have.

    When my daughters hit puberty they began to complain of familiar mysterious ailments. One in particular was almost totally unable to participate in school and other activities that she desperately wanted to do. She had the most mysterious pains, inflamations, panic attacks and disordered moods. Crippling migraines that were "visible" in that her skin would pallor, eye circles darken. It was a horrible time and I dreaded the doctor visits where I was made to feel like a nut...and yet I couldn't take a chance that maybe she really DID have appendicitis or whatever ailment her body might be temporarily mimicking.

    It was such a nightmare for all of us. I wavered between pretending all was "normal" and she would feel fine soon...and trying to explain to her that she had a REAL CONDITION that was messing with her body. At least then she could maybe stop feeling crazy.

    I DID mention it once (or twice) and she completely dismissed it, and that was my cue that I would not mention it again.

    She is today making it through college, but just BARELY. She lives on the verge of breakdown and every month brings a new medical oddity. I commiserate, but never mention...the WORD.

    So, I have absolutely no answer, but I do so sympathize.

    Blessings to you and your daughter.
  4. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    What a dilemma.. I know because I see symptoms in both my 24 year old and my 16 year old. My oldest has been seeing a doc for migraines.. they sent her to a PT for shoulder and neck pain.. the PT "hurts" her to much for her to continue with him.. She also shows signs of IBS.

    My 16 year old has the joint pain, especially her knees. You can't touch them without her crying, but the doc can't find anything wrong with them. Back pain, fatigue..

    Looking back, my mother had a lot of the symptoms.. though she chalked them up to Digenerative disc (which I also have) to arthritis.. to I'm getting old.. etc.

    I know mine started after a bout with Mono.. but looking back I've had some symptoms for years..

    I don't know that I would hold it back from the neuro.. just as I wouldn't hold back diabetis or any other family health symptom on her medical records.

    I think we have all been through so much being diagnosed ourselves that we tend to trivialize our own illness. I know I would want to make sure he doesn't jump the gun and say Oh! That's what it is! And miss something that maybe could be treated.. or something even more serious than Fibro..

    Gosh.. Truly, I think I would tell him.. Good Luck to you and your daughter..
    Hugs, Dona
  5. leobear

    leobear New Member

    My niece and later my son showed signs of CFS/ME which I have. I didnt know what to do or say. But I decided not to say as I didnt want to scare them...knowing what I was like for so many years. They did get a diagnosis and accepted it themselves, and still are battling the DD. We all help each other now.
  6. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    it truely gives me some direction and remembering some other simptoms I over looked .

    last year she had to drop 4 quarter school she fainted and had seizure in walmart docs found nothing. this never happened to me so never thought could be a connection.

    on birth control to regulate period I was when I was young but didn't put it as fm. wow learn something new every day .

    I am so greatful for you responses thank you.