To Tell or not To Tell

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Pana, Jan 23, 2003.

  1. Pana

    Pana New Member

    I'm new to this forum. I would like some advice on how others deal with work issues. Here's my thoughts. I work in a major medical center and work with several surgeons, although they are not my direct supervisor. None of them know that I have fibro. I belive I did a big mistake by telling a new employee that who appeared to be very compasionate and I told her I had fibro. Well to make a long story short, she has told others and I over heard two employees talking about how I'm always calling in sick, etc. I probably miss a day of work 2 months or so and that's not as often as I feel I'd like to call in. I end up working many days in much pain as many of you know but make it in to work. Part of me is so mad because I feel like telling them you have no idea of what I deal with on a daily basis, and the other part of me says it's none of your business. The other part is my direct boss doesn't know I have fibro to my knowledge. I have not told her because one I don't trust her with keeping it confidential and the other part is I fear for my job security with the potential of downsizing in the near future. Any comments or advice on what to do would be appreciative.
  2. judywhit

    judywhit New Member

    I am dealing with the same issues you are. I have had this job since sept and have missed 3.5 days. Which in a way I feel is alot of work to miss but then I think of all the days I have gone to work in such pain. I am thinking about telling my boss about my condition. I will probably try and find a good article about fms and tell him this is what I am dealing with. I am doing the very best job that I can do with this fms that I am dealing with. I am thinking that we should tell our bosses and be upfront with them. I am not using this FM as a cop out to not come to work. I hate to stay home! But, I relize that I am not good to anyone when I feel so awful.
    My co-workers are jerks too! They will talk and gossip about anything! I am thinking about asking my boss to put me on a substitute list. I am now a contracted school bus driver. If I go back to being a sub I never know where I am going or never know the kids I am driving but I will have the freedom to say "NO" I can not work. They are in such need for drivers that I can work everyday this way but it will be a cut in benifits and also pay. Perhaps, in your proffession you might be able to be on a "on call" basis too. I think that we must educate our employeers and be upfront with them. Keep us posted. I have been off work for two days now- will be interesting to see what takes place in the morning.
    good luck...judy
  3. Lendi

    Lendi New Member

    than to let her hear it from gossip. At least, you can explain that you've had it for awhile and that your work habits will not suffer because of the fibro. And, she can not dismiss you because you are ill. That would be going against the disability act. But, she can trump something up. So, that is something to think about as well. But, in my opinion, I would rather the boss hear from me rather that elsewhere.
  4. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    I had MANY health issues and it was obvious to all that I was VERY sick. I don't know that Fibro was actually mentioned, because I was out of work for other reasons entirely, but I work in a small facility which was always close-knit and I was comfortable talking about my health issues.
    BUT, generally, I do not think it is a good idea since FMS is a chronic and very misunderstood problem. In my case, I was diagnosed with Lupus years ago and this IS more acceptable to the public, it would seem. I looked like death the majority of the time I worked, so it was not something I could hide.
    This is a big decision and one with repercussions. I doubt I would tell, myself. BTW, an attorney told me that if you are an employee-at-will, your employer could fire you at any time and for any reason if you are not able to perform your duties. He said that if you are calling in excessively and the business has a policy about absences, then you can be fired for missing work.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2003]
  5. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Hi Pana, just stopped to welcome you to the board, as I can't advise you on your job situation.

    I do hope you make the right decision for your own sake.

    Take care, and let us know how you are doing.

    Shalom, Shirl
  6. erinmac

    erinmac New Member

    HI, I'm new to the message board and just today posted my first messgage. I don't have a magic answer but wanted to say I hear you! I work in health care too and everyone knows I have Fibro but I still manage to work (of course there's no life after that) All my energies go to just getting through the day. That's what I struggle with because no one knows how hard it is when I have a bad day. The expectations are the same. I guess I'm fortunate as I have my own office and most evey day I shut my door and lay on the floor for a few minues because I can't hold the body up any longer! At first I thought thats nuts!! but with the help of therapy I allow myself to get some relief however short lived. I'll add that I'm a medical social worker who's job it is to help other peole cope with chronic illness! I work at a dialysis unit and often I think our patients cope better than me. Of course we know how to put up a good front not to jeapordize our job! Working in the medical field we see so much & I try to be grateful Fibro isn't life threatening! I try to keep things in perspective while trying to accept that I have needs too. If you ever feel you're disciminated upon due to your illness there are agencies that can help. I've advocate for patients around those issues. I take one day at a time for that's all any of us have. Good luck!! Barbara in CT
  7. basket21

    basket21 New Member

    I had the car accident in march/95 but kept working. By the summer the FM was settling in full force but I never complained. By April/96 I went to work and was in so much pain I couldn't take my coat off. I said this is nuts I can't do this anymore. I called in sick and supplied notes every week from my two doctors, one a specialist. By the third week my boss came to my door and handed me some papers saying if I signed them acknowledging my agreeing to downsizing, ( this was the first I had ever heard of the company even thinking of downsizing) I would get 2 weeks extra pay. WOW. I looked at him and said "what about all the days I came into work in so much pain I was nearly out of my mind." He shrugged his shoulders and said "so?"
    That's why I think don't give them any extra ammunition to use against you.
    ps. I contacted my lawyer and he set them straight that you can't get rid of someone when they're sick.
    Bin there, done it, be careful...........basket21