Today my husband told me to just forget about SSDIhelp

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hootie1, Jul 30, 2008.

  1. Hootie1

    Hootie1 New Member

    Today my husband told me that I should just forget about SSDI because as soon as the judge or anyone else sees me they will say that I look fine- even better than many other healthy people.

    He thinks that the waiting for this has been holding me back from trying to get better. Could be, but I deserve getting that because I have put into the system for 30 years and now I cannot work full time. He thinks that I should just work one or two days a week and just forget about the SSDI.

    I hired an attorney who feels that I should win but we never met face to face. I believe that my condition is such that it has changed my life from what it was but my dh (in a loving way) believes that I can be a stay at home person and just be happy and not worry about the money. What he doesn't realize though is that if I don't get the SSDI now, later when it is time for me to get ss - I will get very very little because I will not be paying into the system and also I would get no money for my son.

    I can't work full time because of an illness out of my control and therefore can't put money away for my son's college etc, but he feels that it is just life.

    Oh, this is very difficult. I stopped work in Dec 06 and receive 40% of my high 3 years of my salary which isn't bad but I think that I should also be getting SSDI even if it is offset (I would ony end up with about $600 after the offset and $700 for my son for 4 years) but darn it, I think that I am deserving of it!!!

    He thinks that I have stopped trying to get better while waiting to get approved. Maybe that is so, but what else should I do? I am awaiting the hearing and my attorney will of course attempt an on the record, but doubts it will happen, although the hearing should be scheduled by November.

    -Thanks for listening and if you have any thoughts, please feel free to post. :)
  2. marti_zavala

    marti_zavala Member

    Are you getting 40% of your previous income through private disability insurance?

    If so, I hope others pipe in with how you cannot count on that. Private insurance companies are notorious for playing games, especially around the 2 year mark.

    I think you should file and keep trying until you get approved.

    You need Medicare and what if something happened to your husband's income. Also, you are right about your son as well.

    I stand with you.


    Also, Disability is not awarded by how you look (thankfully or most of us wouldn't have been approved).

    Disability is based on your medical records (Not your doctor's opinion) and your questionairre.

    Marti[This Message was Edited on 07/30/2008]
  3. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    Don't stop now. Not that you have gotten this far. You need the back up in case something happens to hubby or his need it for your daughter.

    It takes so much to get as far as you have don't stop now. It is very important...especially if you are close to a hearing.

    Don't lose your chance at this.
  4. CKater

    CKater New Member

    I guess I don't understand your husbands reasoning. Unless you are pouring all of your energy into your SSDI case and not doing anything to help yourself manage your illness what's the difference? Is this case making you more ill? Are you not taking care of yourself? What do you have to lose? He seems from your post OK with the fact that you can no longer work. I haven't read your earlier posts, but it would seem here you have everything to gain including Medicare, extra income and as another poster said some insurance in case something god forbid happened to his income. What is the problem?
  5. panickypenick

    panickypenick New Member

    I wanted to give up so many times, but i kept on waiting...I was living off of 100.oo$ aweek and I had to go to the food pantry when needed...I knew no one would hire me...I suffered this long...a little longer won't kill me..{I hoped}..haha I worked hard for 25 years as a nurses aide, helping other people..I deserve to take care of my self now..{What a Joke} we all take care of everyone else I notice..very seldom are we taken care hang in there, good news hopefully will follow..I waited 19 months with a second i have to wait another 6-8 weeks before I get the check..I am so thankfull that somebody beleived in me.. ANN MARIE
  6. jole

    jole Member

    If you have lots of documentation by docs...neurologists, PCP, psych, etc. and they feel you are disabled, go for it! Without good documentation in your medical records, it's a tough go and nearly impossible to obtain, especially if you are still fairly young.

    I do understand your hubby's concern...he's just thinking about you and not wanting you to go through any more stress. Plus he is the provider and perhaps this makes him feel as though you don't have faith in him being able to do so.

    Yet in today's world, there really is not enough money in most of our pockets to barely pay bills with, much less think about college for your children.

    Yes, you have earned it! But don't try unless you have great documentation from as many docs as possible. That's where cases are won.... Friends****Jole****
  7. gracie01

    gracie01 New Member

    If your attorney has all of his/her ducks in a row, you may never even have to step foot into a courtroom. I never did.

    When I was waiting on my hearing, I was in foreclosure and wanted to save my home.
    I sent a letter to the judge and explained everything that I had gone through and asked for an expedited hearing. I explained my trials and troubles with trying to obtain ssd with an invisible illness. I had been denied 4 times for SSD, I explained all of the subjective and objective tests and results that should be in my file and evidently it worked. I got a call from my attorney a few weeks later stating that I had been approved. Of course I didn't know it would take another 4 months to get the money and the mortgage company added an extra 6,000.00 in attorney fees to my backpayment so I lost the house anyway.

    I had been to 7 different doctors. Each of them had said I was too sick to work. Disabled due to CFS/FMS/secondary depression. I had palpable swollen lymph nodes, fevers, low blood pressure, abnormal brain MRI, and high titers to Mono, indicative of past exposure, but still high and within the SSD SSR 99-2P ruling for CFS. I had 15 of the 18 tenderpoints on exam for the FMS. Post Exertional Fatigue confirmed by a Functional Capacity Exam, although I argued that the exam can not determine when and where I will get the sudden loss of energy that comes from having these diseases. I had even gone to an independent medical exam with one of the SSD doctors and I had taken notes on the exam after I got in the car, my attorney gave me a copy of the exam and I got fighting mad. HE didn't do over half of what he said he did in the exam, He said I could lift 25lbs repetitively, he never had me lift anything. I had my 7 year old son with me at the time witnessing that I did cringe with pain when the man checked my stomach-he stated no tenderness in the stomach- I explained that I had to wait for an hour and a half to even be seen, that they didn't even have my file, that I had asked for a blanket because I was cold and had lay down on the table from waiting so long, and that the doctors attitude was immediately evident that they didn't believe that I was as sick as I was. OH, I was furious with that doctor and their office.
    Abnormal Tilt table testing would be another good test to include if you ever had that.
    Anyway, ask your attorney about it.
    I wish you success.
    Besides, Looking fine shouldn't be an issue. CFS and FMS are invisible diseases. That happens to be part of the issue with any chronic illness or disease, MS is very similar before a person winds up in the wheelchair. A cancer patient dying of cancer wouldn't look sick if they are wearing makeup and a wig now would they?
  8. Hootie1

    Hootie1 New Member

    I agree with you all and I just wanted to hear from you and feel the strength of those that have been and are going through this rediculous SSA process!!!

    I have almost always known what was best for us financially, and as you all have reminded me, this is the right thing to hang in there and not give up even if I am not approved at the ALJ (heaven forbid if that would happen). I have much documentation but have not seen a neurogolist or had a tilt table. I think that I am afraid that they would find somethig but also afraid that they wouldn't and it would hurt my case... crazy huh!

    Thank you all for being so kind to take the time to respond to my pleas!!! again!!!

    I don't know what I would do without this support!!! Bless you all!