Too many TOXIC people.....................long venting

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lillorilea, Jun 25, 2005.

  1. lillorilea

    lillorilea New Member

    Every day, no matter where I am, I seem to run into Toxic people. The world is so full of them.

    What makes anyone think they are any better than the next person? Why do people think they can hurt, and be so mean and critical to other people?

    I am married with 3 children and I have always tried to be a good, kind hearted, caring person. I have tried to teach my children the same values. I am really having a hard time understanding how people can behave so rudely and sleep at night.

    It seems every where I turn, there are people who just simply don't care about others and their feelings. I am not a religous person but I believe in God and I believe ALL people have the same GOD, no matter what their religion, race, ethnic background, sexual preferences or whatever makes anyone different from one another. We are all humans and deserve the right to be treated equally.

    I have noticed that all around me people in general are Toxic. I have a few sisters that not only love to hurt me but my children as well. My sisters are very well off financially and they constantly have things to say about my finances. We use to be fine until I became ill and had to leave work. My sisters are both in their 40's and they behave like children. They phone each other to chat about me and then each one tells me what the other has said about me. Not only that but at work, everyone always talked so badly about each other, then acted all nice to their face.

    I never was a person that cared but I've just heard too much negativity from people, not only towards me but to other people as well, other good caring people. I don't believe in Judging anyone. Everybody on this earth is different in their own way and everyone deserves to be cared about.

    No matter what people say to me or how much they hurt me, I don't hurt them back but they will never know how many times I've cried over their hurtful words.

    I am sorry for this being so long but I needed to vent to badly. Today alone there were 6 times that people in my family were hurt from what other people did or said to them. [This Message was Edited on 06/30/2005]
  2. LynneH

    LynneH New Member

    Darlin, it's not the people of the's your family that is toxic.

    I know...because I had the same situation. Sisters pitted against sisters.

    Do you know what I did? I said "That's enough." I have three sisters...still talk to one, maybe 4 times a year.
    I'm on the opposite coast from all of them so maybe it's a little easier for me.

    People treat you the way you allow them to treat you. I don't say that with any's just a fact.

    Stand up for yourself and don't play their games! Don't tell them about your private life. Don't even talk to them if you don't want.

    One thing I learned...just because they're family, you don't have to like them.

    Be the nice person you people who respond likewise!


  3. Daeshay76

    Daeshay76 New Member

    i have seen this in grown adults as well and I can not for the life of me understand why they do this to one another. i am like you...i take what is given to me and say not one word about it...i go home and cry and im done with it. then its like a revolving door it happens and happens its a never ending cycle. I was taught torespect,not judge,or hurt anyone and I feel we all should get the same in return but as we all know there is alot of selfish and uncaring people in this world and those people believe that everything revolves around them only.
  4. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    In a few months I will be 50. Society has changed so much in my lifetime. I don't think families are as close as they used to be. Neighbors don't take the time to care about one another like they used to.

    Have you bought a greeting card lately? I can't get over how gross, disgusting and humorless many of them are. It's getting so they take over the whole card section. You can't even find a nice card for anybody any more. I remember the beautiful cards my dad use to buy for my mom. I don't see any like that these days.

    There is a coarsening of manners, a lack of concern for our fellow human beings, that is really of concern to me.

    I was raised proper, to respect people and to treat them the way I would like to be treated, and i follow that to this day, I am trying to teach my children that too; the attitudes of this generation are alarming sometime.

    I think there are some of us that are still caring and were raised with values to respect other people. Anyway, I hope so.

    Try to put some distance between you and those toxic relatives if you can. You will feel much better if you dont have to listen to the sisters and their negativity.

  5. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    not seem so now but the children do pick up on the negativity that your family throws at you. Good for you for setting a great example for them. They will grow up knowing that fighting is not the way to resolve problems.
    You might want to also teach them that they should not accept mistreatment, no matter who it is from. You no doubt know this, just don't forget to stand up for yourself and your lovely children. If their cousins treat them as bad as your sisters treat you you may want to reconsider letting them into your life.
    Good luck with the wicked sisters, don't let them get you down. You have your own family to nuture and love, if they offer only pain, let them go.
  6. urge2soar

    urge2soar New Member

    have decided to let the words of others not affect you so deeply. You are right to not judge others...and perhaps you have learned this valuable lesson from being treated in such a way.

    It is terrible how you are being treated, but like another poster said, it is how you treat your family that matters. You are teaching your children how to treat others.

    Yours sisters have their journey and you have yours. We do not ask to be born into a situation, but I do believe it is for us to learn.

    Love yourself, your family and others... All negativity will bounce right off you. YOU have made the right choice for your life.

    Many Blessings.
  7. tanyasue

    tanyasue New Member

    I can so relate. I was just with my family.

    I don't understand why people can't stop saying unkind things about each other, and why they keep telling me what they think.

    No one can be nice to each other, and for some reason everyone feels the need to stab each other in the back.

  8. bpmwriter

    bpmwriter New Member

    i have noticed along my own healing journey that i've had to let go of a lot of the things that other people use to define themselves ..a job, a steady income, a particular circle of friends. in a sense, this illness forces a dissolving of the self. some people want to cling to self, others let go. the path of letting go leads to an egoless existence, which is the goal of many eastern religions. i'm very interested in exploring this connection sometime, writing about it that is: a taoist/buddhist approach to chronic illness. in any case, when you let go like this, it can be really hard in the beginning. you begin to see the world as an illusion and people can begin to seem silly and mean for their rampant pursuit of power and position. i encourage you to see this as a positive step on your spiritual journey, not a negative one. today you are one step closer to your center.

    now smile :)))))
  9. lillorilea

    lillorilea New Member

    I am sorry to hear that I am not the only person going through this because I certainly wouldn't wish this hurt upon anyone. But I thank You all for your understanding, sometimes a person can feel so alone in such a busy world.

    Eddie (bpmwriter) you really hit it on the nose when you said "you begin to see the world as an illusion and people can begin to seem silly and mean for their rampant pursuit of power and position".

    Again thank you all.....................Lori
    [This Message was Edited on 06/26/2005]
  10. oholland

    oholland New Member

    I keep a box full of cards handy and once a week or every other week I send certain members of my family a greeting card.

    Perhaps its just a "Thinking of You" card or "Sending You My Love" card. But these people have an illness that nothing but love can fix.

    At least we have something that medical science (hopefully) may someday be able to cure. What they have only love and God can ever touch. I feel so sorry for them.

    So I try to easy their suffering the best I can. My family is so much more fortunate than theirs. My husband, son, and I have the type of love and togetherness that they do not share. We value the time we share and what we have so much more than they can. We know what is precious.

    They are so unhappy. so send them cards of love and understanding.
  11. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Just thank God you are not like these people who are so thoughtless and hurtful. I believe there are good people in this world but they are hard to find.

    I suggest you tell your sisters you don't want to hear it anymore. I have a step daughter who was always telling me what her sister said about me. I spent several years so angry all the time, until I told her not to tell me anymore.

    Also I stopped speaking to the "other" step daughter. Both of these girls are in their early 40's. Old enough to know better.

    I just looked up to see my little Chihuahua sending me love looks, lol.....big blinks saying "I love you"...

    You know what, people have to act that way because they really feel inferior and it makes them feel better. Isn't that sad???

    Please don't let your sisters make you cry anymore - tell them to stop telling you hurtful things - you don't to know what they are saying about you.

  12. sarahann61

    sarahann61 New Member

    It is hard to do ,when they are family... My DS loves me, but she thinks I should be just like her, making lots of money, and staying busy.. Every problem I have, she has that, and more... But, she is just tougher than me, in her mind. She doesn't have RA or FMS, might have OA, and I have that , too.....she doesn't have COPD, and CHF, either.......

    So, I have to pull back, can't complain, and she is a RN, but hasn't a clue what it is like for me........

    It is hard with so many cruel, and heartless people in the world.... Sure, hope no one has ever seen me like that.. I do admit, that I didn't understand pain, as well as I do now.

    It is true, you just have to walk a mile in their shoes ,to understand.... But, the miles just keep going, and going. And , I have understood pain for a long, long time, now... lol

    Try being in their shoes, a few minor discomforts, and a drive to make more, and more money. There will never be a place, where there is enough.. They get angry at the ones of us, that are just trying, to make it through the day.

    Ask yourself ,if you did not have these DD's, would you be like them?? I don't think so for you, or me. I have been diff. than my sister, from the beginning. But, she has been there for me, several times... I have learned ,not to ask her ,for nothing...
  13. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Only how you react to them...

    When my sister gets crappy with me, I just don't have any contact with her for a few months or until I feel that I can handle the things she says.

    Siblings were put in our lives for a reason, but it doesn't mean that if we met them on the streets, they would become our best friends.

    I like your outlook on life and feel the same way...


    Nancy B.
  14. CanBrit

    CanBrit Member

    Boy, we all have our pieces of work in our families don't we. I'm almost 50 and I still get the comment "black sheep of the family" from my little sister. I spend a lot of years being ignored and excluded by both my sisters (one 8 years younger, one 3 years older)

    They both get along like oil and water as well so they're always fighting (with my younger one being the initiator most times)

    As our families grew, and after I met my darling husband, my family (2 now adult kids) were always the 4 too many to have for dinner at Xmas. The best thing that ever happened for me was when we moved 6 hours away five years ago.

    My brother, who I am very close to, lives only 45 minutes away from us now. It's nice.

    Funny how absense makes the heart grow fonder. My older sister has been up a few times, and we now have a very good relationship. My younger one is also coming up for my birthday in a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, she's the one who hasn't changed. Give her a couple of drinks and she downright nasty.

    Oh well, I'm pleased they thought enough to join my for my 50th.

    Keep your chin up and if you can't move away, try to get out of the line of fire. It helps.



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