too much going on ,

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by sexylady, Feb 26, 2009.

  1. sexylady

    sexylady New Member

    this is kim, i just lost my mom , in july, she died of lung caner, couple days before she died i was in the hospital ,when she got worse, i got out out , just in time she died that night i got out , i wasnt here for her, how does anyone live with that , knowing your mom didnt see her daughter, before she died, so you see i not dealing with this very well , i cant afford to go to the doctor, , to get help, so i dont know what to do , if anyone can help let me know, thanks,
  2. janice50

    janice50 New Member

    i hope what i say to you will help, Kim your mom knows how much you loved her and she also knew you would have been there if you could, guilt from a death is a terrible thing to try to live with, don't let it eat at you, i am sure you did all you could for your mom while you were at home, she would not want you to feel any guilt over this, i can tell by your post how much you loved her, and i know she knew it too, pray Kim for God to help you through this, i was with my dad when he died and i tried to do CPR on him until the ambulance got here, i didn't know what i was doing, but i tried with all i have, but even knowing this the guilt of not doing enough ate me alive, i prayed everyday for God to help me through this and he did, i feel much better now knowing i did all i could with what i knew, you could not help being in the hospital Kim, things happen for a reason, you tried to get to her, you did all you could do, remember how much she loved you and how much you loved her, and pray, God is right beside you. Good Luck Kim and i wish the best for you
  3. sexylady

    sexylady New Member

    janice thank you , for writing me, i know what you are saying,but god i hurt so much, i sign my self in the hospital because of family member would not let me take care of my mom , , he had control of my mom , my mom agree with him , and i wasnt aloud to take care of her,they did all the work , when hospis step in , they wouldnt tell me nothing aabout my mom, , i wasnt aloud to do anthing, knowing im the only daughter, , so you see i cant get this out of my head, ,is going to kill me, , thank you so much, , life is hard, i do pray to god he not helping me, what im i doing wrong, , why wont he listen to me, kim
  4. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I agree with everything that Janice said! I don't know where you live, but most cities have grief support groups. I would suggest you check into that.
    Also, since you were in the hospital were you not under a dr.'s care? Were you or are you on any medication? Sounds like you may need something to help you cope a little bit. If you can't afford anything, check out the local mental health services, they are there to help people!

    There is no reason that you should deal with all of this inner turmoil on your own when there is help available to you to help you get through.

    Take some solace that your Mom is out of pain, at peace and in a place that to me is all forgiving. She knows what is in your heart. She would hate it that you are feeling this way - mothers want their daughters to be happy. She wants you to move on with your life and not to have this undue guilt.

    Please seek out your local resources!
  5. janice50

    janice50 New Member

    Kim your mom may have let this other person take care of her because she did not want the burden to fall on you, mothers do things like that, even though it is not a burden to you, i know you would have rather been right there by her side through that whole ordeal, but in the long run would it have been better for you to do that? I take care of my mom now, she has alzheimers, and i watch her every day deteriorate, i feel so sorry for her, she is not the same mom i once knew, i love her so much i would trade my life for hers in a minute, it is hard on me to watch her go through this, i have begged my own daughter if i ever get this disease for her not to go through what i am going through, i want her to put me away somewhere, it is terrible watching someone you love go through something they can not control, don't think for 1 minute God does not hear your prayers, have you ever heard the poem footprints in the sand? I will print it for you, maybe that will help you, God hears all prayers, and he WILL help you, keep praying and one day you will wake up and you will see your prayers have been answered, it will not be answered overnight, so be patient and keep praying. Good Luck and may God Bless you

    Footprints in the Sand

    One night a man had a dream. He dreamed He was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from His life. For each scene He noticed two sets of footprints in the sand. One belonging to Him and the other to the LORD.

    When the last scene of His life flashed before Him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of His life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of His life.

    This really bothered Him and He questioned the LORD about it. LORD you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me.

    The LORD replied, my precious, precious child, I Love you and I would never leave you! During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.


    Carolyn Carty, 1963

    [This Message was Edited on 02/27/2009]
  6. clue555

    clue555 New Member

    Hi Kim,
    I don't think it is quite possibly the same or ever could be, but I am currently trying to "cope" with my grandpa's diagnosis and it is just SO SO SO hard on the whole family. Like you, Dr's are expensive and my insurance won't pay for me to see a shrink, so I am using this self-help book/kit to move forward and find "the light." Maybe it could help you? I don't know, it might be worth a try. I think you can find it/order it off line. I don't think it is too expensive, especially not compared to a freakin' dr.
    The book is called "When IT Happens To Your Health" and it comes with a workbook so you can use it was a way to deal with what is going on. I am half through mine and it really has had a huge impact!
  7. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I am very sorry for the passing of your mother and you have my sympathies.

    You will likely never know the full truth of the situation of your mother going in the hospital and you not being there--and the goal will be to continue on in life without knowing about the situation with your mom and be a peace with it all, and not blame yourself. But dwelling on it will certainly drag you down mentally and physically, which is not good for you. I personally, don't believe at this point that any book would be beneficial and I suggest you go to a psychiatrist for a full diagnosis (and explain why you were in the hospital yourself which may help with the psychiatrist's diagnosis), and then the psychiatrist and you may decide about the use of medication. But I'm sure the doctor will want you to start with a therapist that deals with grief therapy. Many things involved in a death are unknown and will remain unknown forever, but we can't fault ourselves and let it eat us up and ruin our lives--get help to work past this and celebrate the good parts of the life that your Mom did have. Many hugs and prayers.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/04/2009]