Totally hurt and shocked at a bias I am facing

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by romey, Jul 16, 2009.

  1. romey

    romey New Member

    Hey All,

    I have not written on these boards in a while though I read them constantly as I find them to be a priceless source of comfort and help.
    I am a 25 year old Fibromyalgia sufferer and right now I'm currently in shock at the horrible bias I'm facing I can not believe it!
    I feel I have to share what is currently happening to me, as it has left me feeling devastated and isolated.
    I'm engaged to an amazing man and the wedding is in September (not long now) we have been together four years (I've had FM for eight) I have always known that his parents have a probelm with me, they have said openly to him that they do not want him with me but they have never said why ; until now.
    Last night they informed my Fiancée and I that they will not be coming to the wedding because they don't support it.
    My Fiancée asked them out right why they see me as such a bad match for him and they finally admitted that it because I have Fibromyalgia!!!!
    They told him that I was sick and would one day be unable to care for myself and thus I would drag him down and burden him..
    I'm honestly in total shock..of course I could defend myself by saying, no one cares for me I manage my pain on my own and do not burden anyone.
    But there is no point, as their ideas are so warped, they went on to say that I would pass on 'what I have' to our children if we have them, something they said a healthy woman wouldn't do.
    Their ignorance is staggering and has left me furious and heart broken.
    Because now due to an illness that I never chose to have I am being deemed 'damaged' and not worthy of love, this is sick and blatant prejudice!
    My Fiancée told them that he wanted nothing more to do with them and they said that if he does marry me then he is no longer their son.
    I have been left feeling that I have torn a family apart but there is nothing I can do.
    I'm just so angery and upset right now, I can not believe that I would be treated this way simply because I am an FM suffer!(I'm shaking as I'm writing this)
    I wanted to share this here because I'm feeling like an outcast and I felt I needed the support of others who know how difficult it is to have this illiness and judged by it.

  2. fibromickster

    fibromickster New Member

    Wow, unbelievable. You fiance has a horrible family, however, i am so happy he is supporting you through this. That is wonderful. If they love their son, they would never do this to him or you. The best thing that can happen you and your fiance is that they do just leave you two alone.

    I hope the best for you and congratulations on your upcoming wedding. It will be their loss.
  3. frickly

    frickly New Member

    My advice is to not let them drag you down with them. Take the high road and tell them that you are sorry that they will not be apart of your and their son's life. Always remain open to a change of heart on their part but never let their silly behavior affect your life in a negative way. Enjoy planning for your wedding!

    Take care,
  4. debilyn

    debilyn New Member

    Wow. You must be totally devasted.

    I agree with frickly. Also, I bet that in the not-so-distant future the parents will change their mind. Their attempt at controlling their son's destiny is futile; they will miss you guys and be sorry for what they've done. Definitely take the high road.

    Good luck and big blessings for you and your hubby-to-be. It sounds like you two have a tight bond. That's beautiful.

  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Romey,Iam so sorry that these ignorant people are doing this to you and thier own son!

    Thier total lack of understanding and caring is appalling. Would they feel this way if it was thier son that was ill? Scary to think.

    Sounds like you have a won derfu caring man in your life. There are somethings being researched on this dd and who knows tm could be the day they figure it out. Many of us have had to deal with toxic people in our lives and are better off without them. Would they reject a grandchild that wasnt perfect in thier eyes?

    It truly is going to be thier loss and someday thier actions will bite them in the behind. Tell them to educate themselves before they judge.

    Congrats on your wedding. Make it a beautiful day for you and fiance,you both are who matter. In-laws can stay home in thier narrow minded little world and miss the fun.

    You sound like a wonderful caring person as does your man thats all that counts.

    keep good thoughts-you are not damaged goods
  6. ulala

    ulala New Member

    He sounds like a wonderful guy. You should send your story to Oprah anhd Larry King. It would great if they would do a story like this. People would side with you and the parents would see how foolish and uncaring they are being

    Best wishes and congratulations to you both!
    [This Message was Edited on 07/17/2009]
  7. FMsaddenedspirit

    FMsaddenedspirit New Member

    Dear Romey,

    I am so sorry you're being treated this way by his parents.. How could they treat there son and his future wife this way I have no idea.. there is no rime or reason to this.. as it makes no since to me at all... I never understand how people can dis own there children. Do they really think this is going to help in any way ? how would it. this just makes me so sad, and angry at the same time... they sure can't be God fearing people. to be acting in such a way .. God would be so disappointed
    I can understand how this would affect you .. Its not your fault though.. so please don't think that .
    you did not ask for this DD . they are not doing there son right at all or you ..

    You're lucky to have someone who loves you so much.. I wish the two of you the best , may you have many , many years filled with love.

    Take care. Spirit ~
  8. sascha

    sascha Member

    THEY have. i'd say your job is to not take on any of the negativity they introduced. proceed with your life and make it good. and BEST WISHES TO YOU!! sascha
  9. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    You haven't torn this family apart. Your finance's parents did that all by themselves.

    Best wishes for a long and happy marriage!!
  10. dwink

    dwink New Member

    These are obviously very mis-informed people. They need to be certain of what they are talking about before they try to destroy your relationship with your fiancee! That is terrible! You are very lucky to have an understanding partner. Best Wishes to you and your Fiancee.. Have a long happy life together!

  11. Who in the heck do these people think they are? They are better than you me? I doublt it! I am so sorry.Unfortunately it is one of these illnesses that people tend to lose friends and family over.

    Do you have a loving family for support? I have lost about 5 members in my family over this. People think we are faking. I have cried for 3 months now over the loss of my family.

    I hope you have true friends and find people in your area who have this illness.
  12. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    It's really too bad that his parents are being so negative, rude and cruel to both of you. But I do have to say, you have a great man there. He is standing up for you all the way Girl! That's fantastic. He's doing the best he can to prove his love to you and you are obviously his main priority. Even the Bible says that a man is to Leave his family of origin and cleave to his wife.

    It's very unfortunate that his parents are being so clueless about what really matters in life but at least this way you won't have to put up with their dirty looks or underhanded comments in person which I'm sure they would be doing to you if they hadn't been so outspoken. I think they just saved you tons of grief.

    I wish you a very happy marriage and really, I think you're off to a great start. You seem like a wonderful person and your fiancee does too. Congrats to you both!!

    [This Message was Edited on 07/19/2009]
  13. gumama

    gumama New Member

    First let me say congratulations on having a wonderful man who loves you NO MATTER WHAT.. obviously the two of you have been together long enough for him to decide marrying you is what HE wants to do...

    first of all try and remember NOT to let his parents know your upset about this.. they are the ones being cruel, and they could care less that YOUR hurting.. so if they think that what they are saying is going to ruin your wedding then that makes them HAPPY.. don't give them that satisfaction..

    there is a saying that goes like this...." A Son is a Son until he takes a wife.. it sounds to me like there are underlying issues with his parents and they are taking it out on you... as always there are Mothers ( mostly) but some fathers as well who NO ONE would be good enough for their Son or Daughter.. obviously your a lovely person, or your Fiancee wouldn't be standing by your side.... he's made his choice, so you just forget about his parents, ( I now that's hard to do). but don't let them ruin the best day of your life, your guests will know when THEY don't show up that it was their choice.. and they will be the one with egg on their faces..

    if this is the way the relationship is going to be, then the parents are the big losers. the day will come ( maybe ) when they will regret not only missing the biggest day of their Son's life, but the relationship with their son all together.

    God's many blessings to you on your wedding day and your married life.

    Dr. Sandy .. PH.D.
  14. jaynesez

    jaynesez New Member

    I just have one other thing to add: I really don't think its about your FM! If you were a perfect mate they would still find some reason to fault you, because you're marrying their son! Underneath the surface it's probably not about you at all. Like gumama posted, there is some underlying issues here, namely, control. Too bad, we all have to stop worrying about what others think, it makes life much less stessful! Congrats on finding someone who loves you for who you really are, that's a rare and beautiful thing, so treasure it and forget the rest!

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