Tough Times, but hanging in there by the grace of God!

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by another_painful_day, Mar 3, 2004.

  1. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Alot of you know what I have been up against the past few weeks from previous posts. I havent been on much lately because I have an overflowing plate lately...I feel like Im drowning again and I cant breathe.
    Hubby doing great which is a blessing from the Lord. He got the ok to return back to work today and he is allowed to drive but with no kids in van. That in itself is also a blessing. We were ready to hear bad news about Seizures and the law yesterday but becuase his is controlled, he is allowed to drive and doesnt have to wait a yr.
    Mentally, physically and emotionally I am sapped and drained 100%. Im scared to death of hubby returning to work today and driving but I also say a prayer for the good Lord to keep him safe.
    As far as myself, my health has gone completely downhill. The pain is excruciating and when I look in the mirror I see nothing but a monster. My stomach was so bad last week I ended up in Gastrointestinal Doctors ooffice with him very upset with me because I let the reflux get so out of control that Ive done damage and now its being treated aggresively to get it under control. I scared myself last week when I could no longer swallow and no matter what I did my food kept coming back up. So much for the $200 I spent at the Natropath last week. I had to stop everything until I can get this reflux under control. The emds alone for one month (Protonix) for my stomach are $200/month. I almost died when I went to get RX! My job is slow and I have lost ALOT of money. Little by little I am getting fewer hrs and less money. I know its time to look for a new job but I am petrified! I have no self confidence and I am scared. Please say a prayer about my self esteem and some open doors for me. I get as far as circling jobs in the paper, sent a few resumes out but nothing.
    I have so much going on right now and life is seeming out of control. I know that the good Lord gives us only what we can handle. I know he will be faithful to me and will give me an open door eventually, but again, my lack of self confidence and the extreme self-loathing(spelled wrong??) I am feeling is just the enemies way of keeping things from happening. I looked at my hubby last night and was in tears by the way I am feeling about myself lately. Even the job I am at now the young girls I work with put me down and they know how to make you feel horrible. I know they have "issues" within themselves so I do pray for them...but it has done alot to my self confidence and feelng of self worth lately. Funny how people can bring you down even worse than you already are (yet the one young girl,22, preatched to me how she is a "good" catholic girl and goes to church on sundays, yet she doesnt practice what she preaches).
    Anyway, Im drowing everyone.....looking for a hand to reach down and pull me up from the raging waters that seem to be drowning me.
    I love my husband and I am so greatful to the Lord for sparing his life. I love "our" 4 kids to death. Im thankful for all the blessings in my life...so why should I feel like this?
    I feel like a scew up. If I were a good Christian, then I wouldnt loathe myself so much and I wouldnt feel this way.

    I want to smile again....I want to have the desire to live life and enjoy....I want to love myself.
    why cant I????
    can someone offer something from the bible for me to read or advice please.
    Id greatly appreciate it. I feel like one of Gods lost sheep lately....I need to get out of this horible place I am in mentally.
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm sorry, but like a lot of our members, I cannot read long posts unless they contain paragraph breaks with spaces in between.

    I know you need prayer and that is all I need to pray for you. God bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  3. Wingush

    Wingush New Member

    It sounds like you are having a horrible time.

    And it also sounds like you are also depressed. Perhaps you could ask your doc about medication.

    Mainwhile, I will pray that the Lord will hear your cry and that he will deliver you out of this dark place.

    Win
  4. dash

    dash New Member

    Dear Diane
    I have been keeping you in my prayers, even when I don't get to the posts.

    You asked for some scripture to give you comfort. When everything seemed to be going wrong at once in an ever escalating way, I have thought a lot about these verses:


    Rom 8:35-39
    35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
    36 Just as it is written, "For Thy sake we are being put to death all day long; we were considered as sheep to be slaughtered."
    37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.
    38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers,
    39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
    (NAS)

    Remember that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING can separate you from the love of Christ. The enemy loves to whisper in our ears and make us think we are not "good" Christians. Recognize that these are Satan's lies. He wants to makes us feel separated from God and unworthy of His love.

    Also, remember that if you need medical help in dealing with all these overhwelming circumstance don't think that somehow makes you unfaithful to God. If your arm was broken and you went to have it treated, it wouldn't mean that you are less of a Christian.

    Love in Christ,
    Della


    [This Message was Edited on 03/04/2004]
  5. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I`m sorry you`re having a horrible time lately. Praying that God will work all this out for you so you can get some rest and have some peace for awhile.

    Hugs,
    Sandy
  6. PrayerWarrior316

    PrayerWarrior316 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are going through so much, It sure sounds like you have your plate full right now.

    My heart goes out to you, Because I know how you feel right now. My husband and I are going through alot right now also.

    I will certainly be praying that everything works out for you.

    Blessings, Judy <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/17/17_1_22.gif' border=0></a>
  7. jolly

    jolly New Member

    Hopefully, I'm remembering your name correctly. You posted it one time. I opened the Bible to look for something, started to flip to Job, and looked down to see this verse - you can look it up because it's too long to type. Psalm 31.

    People can be very cruel, especially the young. They haven't experienced enough in their lives to realize what it feels like, or some of them have and are just mimicking what's been done to them.

    I'm so glad your husband is still able to drive and get back to work. When this happened with him, did anybody offer help with things? If so, take them up on it. Many times in life we're handed help, but don't recognize it.

    There are a few little silly things you can do to feel better about yourself, such as showering and putting on something you feel good wearing, getting a new hair cut, watching an uplifting movie. I realize it's very hard with this disease to keep your head above water, much less even with 4 kids to care for. I find that sitting outside around nature fills me up sometimes when nothing else works.

    You are to be admired for the role you've taken on with your kids and his, too, and don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. Everybody goes through periods of low self esteem, but look around you at some of these cruel people and realize that you've got something they may never have. Jo Ellen
  8. another_painful_day

    another_painful_day New Member

    Hi EVeryone
    Thanks for the support and the insight.

    When hubby got ill I had some help. There were plenty of people offering to drive him here and there. Unfortunately, with his memory problems from his accident 15 yrs ago I need to be with him for all his doctor appt because he forgets what the doctor tells him or misunderstands. But thats ok, I prefer to be there to ask appropriate questions...things he wouldnt remember to ask or even think to ask because I have a medical background.

    As far as feeling good about myself, I did get my hair done differently for our big night out Valentines Day when hubby ended up having the seizure. I did feel good about it. But I guess it wasnt enough. I think alot of my difficulty is that things seem so out of control lately that I kind of turn my stress inward and direct it all at myself. (if that makes any sense).

    My pastor told me Im very hard on myself. He also said that I just need to hear "atta Girl" to confirm Im doing "good" in everyones eyes including the Lord.

    Hes right...I do.

    Not sure why i find myself liek this other than someone mentioned the devil likes to whisper in our ears little things to pull us farther from our relationship with God. I think that hits the nail right on the head.

    I have always struggled all my life with confidence and "feeling good" about myself. Even when I was workign out and looking good. It didnt matter.

    My hubby says "even if you were an advid athlete and worked out everyday or even if you were a model youd STILL never be happy with what you see in the mirror....."

    Hes right...Im embarrassed to say. I could be a "perfect 10" (if there were such a thing that is LOL!) and I would still see a horrible monster staring back at me in the mirror.

    Sometimes I wonder if I am one of those people who have that disorder that when they see themselves they see themselves as distorted and disfigured, even though everyone around them sees that they are fine.

    ok...well....divine intervention is once again needed. I will NOT allow it to destroy my relationship with God, and I WILL continue to pray on it.

    Obviously God created me the way I am, whether I like it or not, and I must learn how to rejoice in who I am and what God wants me to be, not what I want ME to be.

    thanks again.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/05/2004]
  9. jolly

    jolly New Member

    You know I'm not sure what makes some people have such low self esteem. Some say it's your early childhood experiences, but sometimes it seems that some people are just like that. Rather that than proud and haughty though!

    You sound better today and not so depressed. Is there somebody that might babysit for you sometimes and you could go lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour or so?! Wouldn't that be wonderful? Just lie in a tub of hot water and soak..

    How are the kids doing since your husband's accident? I imagine they were pretty shook up, but knowing kids, they get over things quickly. Maybe y'all can have that Valentine's Day night out a month late...that would be nice. Jo Ellen
  10. genevie

    genevie New Member

    I am praying for you. I really understand low -self esteem. Here is a good verse.

    "I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are thy works and my soul knows it right well." Psalms 139:14

    When the enemy wants me to feel low or as I say sometimes when I get the "uglies" I quote this verse all day if I have to. The word of God is powerful, living and active.

    I grew up in alcoholism so therefore my self-esteem was crushed. Although I became a christian at a very young age I still had all the negative and self destructive thoughts thoughout most of my christian life. I married an alcoholic and had children with alot of issues. (The sins of the father goes down three to four generation). For me, I had to find a support group. What worked for me is Alanon. They say, "Let us love you until you learned to love yourself". Well, although I still have "some" issues, I don't have those ugly thoughts of myself like I use to. Rarely....and I mean rarely do I feel low self esteem and self-hate. I understand you completely. When I was young I was slim, well dressed, and well liked, but I just could not accept myself. Today I am older, overweight, and hopefully liked (lol); but I don't need to be validated by how I look, how well my children behave, or if I am slim and trim and have kept up with the Jones. Thank you Jesus....He has allowed me to find the support and help I needed. TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND LEAVE THE REST. God Bless you
    [This Message was Edited on 03/06/2004]