TRIBUTE to those knowing what's important; & those who raised us

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Jul 11, 2007.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I've been in a very meditative state, as my MIL just passed.... just wanted to post this as sort of a tribute to them, and, I think, to a way of thinking.

    My in-laws moved in with us just about exactly 2 years ago - my FIL was 94 then and still fairly healthy with no major problems, but getting frail and afraid to drive anymore (thankfully!).

    My MIL was 87 and in mid-stages of dementia from mini-strokes... she could no longer remember odd unconnected things like what soap was, but at least still knew most of the time (I think) who we were and able to 'sound like' she knew what she was talking about most of the time, at least initially.

    But, touchingly, she ALWAYS recognized her husband, if not her son (my DH), much less me or her grandkids. They would've been married 70 years ago last week.

    But he passed away 14 months ago... not unexpectedly, she started to decline progressively faster, and the past 7-8 months have been really downhill. She passed away finally, fairly peacefully this past Monday, at age 89, & still at home with us (thanks to Hospice).

    Somebody sent me the story below, which reminds me of them, as my MIL was the one who ran their lives.

    When she started declining slowly 10 years ago, it was amazing that suddenly my FIL stepped up and took care of things, could finally remember how to get to the doctor's, pay bills, etc... things he was never responsible for in his entire life (amazing because he used to get lost if he went to the drugstore by himself!)

    Here it is:

    It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

    I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

    On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and re-dress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

    The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

    I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she had Alzheimer's. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five
    years now.

    I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

    He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who SHE is."

    I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life."

    True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an
    Acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

    I have some pictures of them taken shortly before they moved in with us, while they were still living in a senior citizen's residence, and he has his arm around her protectively in every single picture!

    Somebody said:
    The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
    they just make the best of everything they have.

    That is what my in-laws did, as well as my own parents. I think that the times they lived through helped them all to make the difference in seeing what was truly valuable...

    just as I think our own experiences with our dd's also make the difference for us, as well.

    All the best,

    [This Message was Edited on 07/11/2007]
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Beautiful, Victora. I wish no less for you.

    Those who bless will be blessed.

  3. sisland

    sisland New Member

    This is just Beautiful! So Close to my Heart with My Mom and Dad! Mom Died of Ahl,, 3 years ago and was in the nursing Home for the last 2 years of her life ,,,,

    My Father was with her everyday! fed her meals sat with her and Reconized only him in the end also ,,,,He's 88 now and tells me he's just bideing his time until he can Be with Mom again ,,,,,,they were married for 54 years,,,,,Love is Forever!

    Thankyou so Much for this post and Beautiful Tribute to your Mil&Fil,,,,,,,,,,Sis