Trying Seems Useless! I Need Your Supprt

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by anakinkaid, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. anakinkaid

    anakinkaid New Member

    I try each day to do what I can, but every day I feel a failure because I can do less and less and yet I feel worse and worse.

    If I would leave this planet without hurting others and passing a burden to them I would. All that I value is slipping away.

    Please, anybody, write some words of support.

    Ana
  2. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    Well first we all care about you!!!!!!!!! Yes, those of us on this board that you have never met! WE CARE! WE UNDERSTAND!

    I really want you to believe that! We are just a huge family here!

    Okay now I have a tip about getting things done. No matter how horrible I feel I set my timer for 15 minutes a day and do what ever it is I can in that 15 minutes. That way I don't feel like such a failure at the end of the day AND it helps to keep things from piling up.

    I hope this helps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Hang in there!

    kate
  3. anakinkaid

    anakinkaid New Member

    Thank you for saying something...it helps.

    It is so hard when the pain, the fear and depression all comes at once and yet life with its demands goes on. I sometimes wish the family would just leave me behind, by the side of the road somewhere. It is such an effort to just keep up with daily life..no strength, no memory, so little of what I used to be. The pain is overwhelming and never ending.

    I keep trying...but I just don't know how long I can go on loosing every day strength and abilities. What difference will it make if I am not here when so little of me is here?

    Ana
  4. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    I just want you to know. I understand how you feel.

    ((hugs))

    Sharon
  5. lin-z

    lin-z New Member

    It doesnt make it better that we have all been exactly where you are right now but maybe to know that we dont feel like that ALL the time.

    There are good days and bad days and the hardest part is accepting that. But you must know that good days DO happen and I know what a let down it is when those days dont last forever but look forward to them coming again...they will..and in the meantime ride out this nasty bout of YUK and its the best time to try and rest!

    Here's to better days! Lindsey
  6. anakinkaid

    anakinkaid New Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I would be so grrateful to have someone to talk with who understands, whose been there/is there.

    I struggle and try, yet each day repeats itself, only worse. I used to be a bright and sparkly person with endless courage and strength. Now I crawl and pray not to be presented with another challenge within the day. I feel I am turning into everything I never wanted to be.

    My husband is so kind but I see how hard this is for him and how confused my children are by it: where is mother? (Laying in bed, again?!?) I so want to be up and bright and doing things with them.

    My only bright spot is a cook book I'm trying to write with recipes that are very easy to prepare, have a secret ingredient and give a fantastic end project: very gourmet with little effort. Given my experiences here, I thought maybe someone could use such a book: it is hard not to cook as I once did for my family and friends. I could so use some support on the cookbook (I'm crying....): if I loose that [the cookbook] I won't have anything I can do that is still the old me. Do you think it is a good idea?

    I thought maybe I could donate some of the money the book might make to CFS research. I need to stop now..I am so very tired.

    Ana

  7. blkkat

    blkkat New Member

    HUGS!!! MONA
  8. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    Ana, I am crying right along with you, I can't believe how emotional I am reading thie whole web. I could have written your whole letter. My husband is also so kind but how much more can everybody understand when they can't really see our problem. We can only tell them how crappy we feel and of course they can see our movements but when I get dressed and make-up I look pretty good so most people dont't get it. Let's hang inthere in the knowledge that WE ALL GET IT. Feel better honey...Love debness XXX
  9. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. In the begining for me, i was sad, then i got MAD, why me? It's going to affect others that i love, i felt i couldn't live 4ever like this,who'd want to? But now i feel different even though.....

    Today was a bad day for me, i had NO energy, and just couldn't do the things i usually can do. I have been in a fog & zoned out Not to metion the areas that hurt.
    But i have found that if i push myself on a good day & do ALOT, i feel good for it, i say to myself, i might as well. BUT...........

    Then i pay for it the next day or two.Its crazy how i can go from a productive day striaght into a useless day too.

    I'm hardest on myself, i wish i could stop. Maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself either, we just need more breaks than the normals. My day is ending soon, and i'm glad, hoping tomorrow will be the GOOD day.

    you just can't let yourself get sad, you know it does get better. It's a cycle for me, i have had to get use to it. I was into alot, going places, helping others, raiseing 3kids etc., before i got this DD.

    But now i still do those things, but when I FEEL LIKE IT, it's not worth you worring yourself, or being hard on yourself, or feeling useless.

    My doctor put me on celexa, not for depression but for my anxiety, i didn't have any confidence in it at first , but on the 2nd/3rd week, i felt a difference in my moods, i couldn't believe it, it didn't help my fatigue though, but it didn't make it worse either.

    Just try to get you some EXTRA REST any chance you can get. Then on the next SUNNY day, go somewhere, buy some decals or stickers or something for your cookbook. Take hot bath, better yet i love my heating blanket, i sleep on top of it! Just trying to give you some ideas that have helped me. I can sleep for a few days straight if my family would let me, but then i'd miss out on the babies.

    Take ALOT of naps IF IT DOESN"T INTERFERE WITH YOU NIGHT TIME SLEEPING. I sometimes take 2-3 baths a day. Oh i started some supplements like some of the ones that are mentioned on this board. I don't know what meds you are on, but i found out a few that do help my pains, & moods.
    I hope you do to. Don't quit yet.

    We are here for you, whenever you want you can post my name or to anyone in general, we'll find it, & talk to you.
    FAITH & LOVE
    saph
  10. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Dear sweet anakinkaid,
    Please do read the Forgive Yourself post. You did not ask for this to happen and never in a million years, would this have been the way you chose to live your life. Honey, that sparkle is still there. It is simply being overshadowed by the pain you are feeling.

    The very fact that you are writing a cookbook (something I could NEVER do, but please put me down as one of the first you contact when it is completed because I need all the help I can get) confirms that!

    You have not given up on your dreams either. They have merely been rearranged. Which is not such a terrible thing. Please forgive me if I sound trite, but you will come out of this a stronger, more compassionate and empathetic person and this is exactly what the world needs. Never, ever consider yourself a failure. You are a survivor! And you don't even have to worry about getting voted off the island!!!! :)
  11. IM TYPING THIS OUT IN LARGE PRINT,TO TRY AND GET A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO YOU..
    YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE,AND YOU MOST CERTAINLY ARE NOT A BURDEN,SO PLEASE TRY NOT TO THINK THAT WAY (ALTHOUGH I STAND NEED TO TALK,I THINK IM THOSE THINGS ALSO,AT TIMES)ITS THE ILLNESS THAT MAKES US FEEL THAT WAY.
    WE ARE INFACT SURVIVERS,WE ARE MEMBERS OF THE BEST SUPPORT GROUP IN THE WORLD,WE ARE TRULY ONE BIG FAMILY,AND WE ALL CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER A GREAT DEAL,EVEN THOUGH WE LIVE MILES AND MILES APART (A OCEAN APART IN MY CASE,IM IN THE UK)BUT SAME AS I SAID,WE ARE ALL ONE BIG FAMILY,AND WE TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE FEELING.BUT PLEASE DO NOT EVEN THINK OF LEAVING THIS PLANET,WE NEED YOU.YOUR FAMILY NEED YOU.
    I TOO HAVE REALLY BAD DAYS,A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO I WAS READY FOR GIVING UP TOTALLY,THEN I FOUND THIS SITE,AND THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE.
    TOGETHER WE WILL COPE AND WE WILL SURVIVE.SO YOU GET THOSE THOUGHTS OF LEAVING THIS PLANET RIGHT OUT OF YOUR MIND MY LADY,WE ARE NOT LETTING YOU LEAVE US.
    IM ALSO SENDING YOU GENTLE HUGS (((( FOR ANA )))) PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH WITH US ALL THOUGH THE MESSAGE BOARD.


    LOTS OF HUGS AND LOVE
    FROM FRAN
  12. pemaw54

    pemaw54 New Member

    I just found this message board this morning. The tears are running down my face after reading all of your replies.I have planned out my end several times. It would be so easy with my 23 prescriptions but I cant. My husband needs me even the way we are now.Everyone of the feelings youve had, we all have if we have fib. bad. Ive been on dis. for over a yr and so many days i feel worthless to everyone. I lost all of my work friends, they are all at work all day. I found out that I could go to the ymca for a big discount. the water is the only thing that has helped. The 30.00 dollars per mth is a stretch for us. the water will help, I promise. Even if you just stand there or lay on your back. Work up to a class and I never stop smiling the whole hr.I thank God for this message bd. I will be on here everyday. As you have read, you are with friends who understand all of it Suzette
  13. surfnut

    surfnut New Member

    Hi Anna. I`m so sorry to hear you feel like that. A year ago I was so bad I seriously considered suicide. Now I`m working as a Volunteer one day a week in a home for the Physically & mentally handicapped, and studying Health & Social Care afew hours a week at college. Hold in there, it WILL turn. Surfnut
  14. medic2006

    medic2006 New Member

    Many hugs, sweetheart. We know how you feel and are here to support you. Ally's suggestion is a fantastic one. Hope today's a tiny bit better.
  15. deb06

    deb06 New Member

    Everyone here has felt the exact same way and might feel that way today. Everyone here loves you even if the don't know you personally, they know how you feel.

    The only way I have gotten thru everything is my faith in my Saviour, and knowing that Jesus has a plan and an importance and purpose for me here on earth as long as I am breathing. We have an empathy and compassion and understanding that others do not have. We do not take things for granted. And I know that this life is soooo fleeting, and I will live for eternity in paradise and never, ever hurt again. If I thought this was all there was- I could not do it- even for those I love- I don't think..... Just know, that there is someone who is (or can) be in your heart every minute and know exactly how you feel and loves you more than humanly possible.

    I am sorry if I sound "preachy" as I certainly do not intend to. But I did want to share this with you, because I care about you and everyone else who suffers as we do.

    Love, Deb

    P.S> We are not what we can "DO"- but who we are inside-[This Message was Edited on 02/02/2006]
  16. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    I have FM but not the CFS..at least I don't think I do. I wonder if you have slowed down as much from the pain? or the fatigue? I think it matters which one in order to come up with some solutions.

    Perhaps for now, your words will have to take the place of your actions. Can you think of someone in your life, each day..either present or somewhere you can call,and plan some thought or compliment or encouragement special to that person? and then call or tell them what you are thinking? That is a special gift you can give everyday no matter how bad off you are.

    You said, Please, anybody, write some words of support. You can be the one that gives them to someone in your life, no matter how short they might be. Go for it...

    I teach cooking in adult education and think your cookbook premise is promising!

    Jana
  17. Wasabi

    Wasabi New Member

    Ana,

    What I've realized over time is that this illness can steal what you can *do* but not who you *are*. This realization has meant a lot to me.

    Who you are matters much more than what you do. This illness can limit what you can physically accomplish, but it cannot take away your essential qualities--the person you are at your core. By "essential qualities," I mean things like courage, love, honesty, integrity, etc.--the qualities of a person's character. And anyone who holds onto those qualities and tries to live by them has accomplished a great deed. That person, just by being part of this world, is a gift to those around him/her.

    This illness may prevent you from being able to hike with your children, but it cannot stop you from loving them wholeheartedly.

    This illness may prevent you from being able to get out of bed, but it cannot stop you from being a courageous survivor.

    This illness may prevent you from being the "perfect" wife (whatever that is), but it cannot stop you from being a loyal, faithful spouse.

    Although society would have us believe otherwise, we are defined by who we are, not what we accomplish. We impact people, not by what we achieve, but by the way we love them and try to be the best person for them.

    I heard it put this way once:
    Try to name the last Nobel peace prize winner. Now name a teacher who significantly impacted your life for the better when you were a child. Most people have a difficult time with the first, but almost all of us can name that one teacher who took the time to let us know that we were special. The point is that the achievements that really matter happen in small moments through ordinary people. These are things that even we can accomplish, despite our illness.

    Anyway, this realization meant a lot to me, so I thought I'd share it with you. I wish you all the best. Take care!
  18. hopeful4

    hopeful4 New Member

    I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. Many of us have gone through similar experiences.

    You are not a failure. You have an illness that has affected every aspect of your life. You need some help and some understanding.

    Please be gentle with yourself. Nurture yourself, even in small ways. Have a cup of hot tea, put on your favorite music. Breathe. Pet your kitty if you have one.

    Connect with someone outside of your family that you can talk to. Is there a social worker, or a clergy person, or a support group that you can call?

    I just posted Ten Resolutions for Living with Chronic Pain or Illness. See if anything there rings true for you, or gets you to look at things a little differently.

    ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))) and wishing you the best,
    Hopeful4
  19. Smiffy

    Smiffy Member

    A greatt big hug to you - so many of us have been where you are now.

    Don't give up. Use your computer to find a treatment that you can try. The Remedyfind site is a good place to start. I was in total suicidal despair before finding out about the Guaifenesin protocol here. It's only one of many treatments that people have said helps them. Be your own researcher! xxx