Ugly

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Hawkeye, Sep 30, 2006.

  1. Hawkeye

    Hawkeye New Member

    I know this sounds vain and I really am not like this at all, beauty is only skin deep, it is what counts on the inside, all that stuff I truly believe but I was cleaning today and I found A LOT of old pictures from before I got sick which was about 8 years ago and I can't believe how much I have changed! I know I feel tired and run down but it was right there in front of me, I was beautiful and my eyes were bright and I was smiling, I mean really and truly smiling.

    It made me sad, I try to keep my head up but those carefree, happy, painless days are over and I so long for them.

    Has anyone else felt or SEEN this in themselves??

    Hugs,
    Karen
  2. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    I don't know if the word that I would use is ugly I think more worn down is better. The stress and the pain that is never ending wears you down so much that we forget what a real life use to be until we see pictures of ourselves of what we use to be......SueF
  3. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    I hear your heart, sister. It hurts. I hate to see pictures of myself of how I look now as compared to how I looked then.

    I try to focus on the fact that this body is only temporary, and my Heavenly body will be perfect and I will never be sick or have pain again!

    Blessings,

    Raz
    [This Message was Edited on 09/30/2006]
  4. redhowdy222

    redhowdy222 New Member

    I agree with the last post. Yes, I look and feel the same way you do right now, but our circumstances can change very rapidly as you well know. There is always that ray of hope we need to hang on to for better days ahead. I know that our Heavenly body will be perfect, but I still hang on to the hope of having a healed body in this lifetime. Don't lose heart.
    off on a different subject, but have you heard of the treatment called LDA? (low dose antigen) It was developed in England, but is now available in the U.S. It is and injection given every 2 months to fix the T-cells that are messed up with immune deficiency diseases. It has worked tremendously for 2 of my friends, and they virtually have no symptoms left at all. Dr. Shrader in New Mexico gives them, and Dr. Thoreson in Austin, Tx. Might be worth a look into. We need every avenue we can.
    Cyndee
  5. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Now let me tell you the other side of the story!

    I've looked back on pictures of me and I think I look much better than 16 years ago when I looked like I was dying.

    I only weighed 92 lbs within 2 years of getting CFS and FM. I did not gain wt until 12 years later, and now I am watching my weight.

    I am older...65, but let me tell you, I look only 55 because the weight took all the wrinkles away, LOL!

    The old pics make me realize I was very very sick and didn't really know it and I'll take the way I look now over those any day!

    Sure, before I got CFS, I was active and had a brain but looked like death warmed over, so guess there's some kind of trade off for me.

    I try not to dwell on the past. Today is all we have and I want to stay hopeful and helpful, with faith that someone will soon find a way to get us well.

    There's always hope!
    findmind
  6. sascha

    sascha Member

    when i'm in a "bad" time, my face gets all wan looking and scrinched up- lots of stress shows. when i feel better, i look better. in general, since adding good fats to my diet, my skin and complexion and color are so much better.

    i was asked if i were eligible for senior discount every time i shopped at a certain healthfood store that gave 10% senior discount (this was some time ago). after i got on the good fats (coconut oil, mainly) and stopped bad fats, i wasn't asked anymore about senior status except for once in a period of some months (i'm 64). that was quite telling to me.

    and since i've been on high protein- low carbs- no processed foods/grains, my face looks clearer and sharper- more defined. something like that! so i'm not feeling depressed about my looks.

    i'm doing more with exercise once again, and that helps me in every conceivable way.

    i just want to enjoy growing older, enjoy becoming more eccentric (on the anniversary of the death of my dear sister i took her Indian drum and went up on a high point of land in San Francisco and drummed for her- it felt great. i'm taking art classes and enjoying them tremendously.

    life is so good at times and i am so grateful- othertimes it can get (and does) difficult, but- that's the price of admission i guess. best to you- Sascha
  7. padre

    padre New Member

    Call me a Polly Anna, but all my friends who are healthy look 8 years older than they did 8 years ago. That is almost a decade.

    Do I look like I have been grieving over who I once was? Yes. I miss the healthy and strong me. I do not know what I would be like if I had not had this DD for all these years. I wish I did not have it, but I do.

    Where is your smile? I suspect it is still there. I'll bet you are beautiful. I'll bet that there are times when your eyes light up.

    You were cleaning today! You have energy to go through old pictures -- bet you have the energy to laugh at some of them as well.
  8. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    I'm marking this to follow up later.

    Karen, please don't use that word to describe yourself. We all change and it's hard to smile when you're in pain. It just makes me sad to see you use that word.

    All my friends look older, even the healthy ones.

    Lolalee
  9. redhowdy222

    redhowdy222 New Member

    On the LDA treatment, let me know if I can help with some info.
    Cyndee
  10. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member

    When I look in a mirror I see "me." (The way I believe I look.)

    When I look at a picture taken..recently..I don't believe I really look like THAT!!! Is that me????? Tell me I don't look like THAT!!!! Do I REALLY look like that????

    I was telling my sister this..... we do not see each other very often...... she responded, "That's wear and tear."

    Oh dear, I look as old as I feel.... but even subtracting out the age factor, I just look different.

    Fondly, June

  11. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    Are you a hawkeye from Iowa? I was born and raised in Iowa but live in WA state now. Just wondered....Terri
  12. Slayadragon

    Slayadragon New Member

    Apparently I still look younger than my age (41), since I get comments about this all the time. I would say this is still evident from the photos I've had taken recently. Obviously this is a good thing, except it makes people more disinclined to believe that I'm "really sick." It's a little better now that people are starting to believe that CFS is a "real illness," but still crops up.

    A more annoying point is that a couple years into my illness (after I started eating better but while I was still actively very ill), I dropped to about a size 2/4. It was somewhat annoying how many compliments I got, considering the reason for the weight drop. Only a couple of people (my very astute dissertation advisor and my brother, also a CFS sufferer) expressed any concern.

    Now I'm up to about size 10, which probably is my set-point weight and perfectly fine with me (if not "admired" by my acquaintances). The Devil Wears Prada: "Size 6 is the new Size 14." Actually, it's crept up to a little past size 10 over the past year (due to lack of activity because of a flare), but I'm feeling betterr and hopefully will go down again.

    I've always cared a lot less about what I look like than about what I'm able to do and/or my intelligence. What really bothers me is that my life is slipping away and that I don't seem to be reversing the trend of not getting as much done as I had hoped when I was younger. I'm starting to be resigned. I still hope for a magic cure, but it's more of a fantasy than anything else now.
  13. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Pictures taken last year and pictures taken this year--WOW. What a difference a year makes. Not good.
  14. kj_b

    kj_b New Member

    I used to feel confident about my appearance, and whenever I was with my daughters, was always asked if I was their older sister. (They got sick of hearing it, I'm sure, but I kinda liked it;) I got carded on my 41st birthday! But the past three years, since I had my spinal fusion and the pain disorders started taking hold, no one asks anymore. (I know, boo-hoo.) But to make things worse, they assume I am their mother. Now that hurts.

    Seriously, I also feel like when I look at pics taken just before my surgery, when I was on a cruise in a bikini and I felt like I looked good. Now I'm embarrassed to be seen in a one piece with a cover-up. My face has aged and I have very few pics of me taken since then. I only show the ones that make me look the happiest. And of course, you all know it's hard to look happy when you're in pain! Even in exciting moments when you really are genuinely happy, there's just something missing. As far as physical appearance, I never had a single wrinkle till after my surgery. Now my eyelids are saggy, my cheeks are sagging, my lips look puckered, and not in a good way. Even my clevage is wrinkled, and I've lost my muscle tone. My self-confidence is gone and I feel fat, old, ugly and alone. so yeah, I understand what you mean, completely.

    Well, time to say good-night; I have a meat hook in my back so I have to get off the computer.

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