umm I think my psychiatrist made a Pass at me!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AC77, May 26, 2003.

  1. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    Ok, this is funny, sad and weird! As you all know I am heterosexual male (meaning I like females) haha. Anyway, I see a male older guy in his 60's. Very nice, but ignorant about ANY aspect of his field but willing to help with my anxiety and panic, blah blah. Every time I come to him, he seems to ask more and more about my sex life--which I assume is normal for a P-doc to ask? Well, I am a little uncomftable because he gets, somewhat explicit about the questions.

    Well, the last time I recently saw him he in no unsure way said he found me an "attractive young man" and sort of brushed against me when I went to give him my co-pay. As I was leaving, I had that funny feeling of being stared at, you know? So I turned around and saw him looking at my rear!

    This all kind of shocked me. And I dont plan on reporting him or anything but what can I do? Sessions are uncomfortable now, and I still go, but will change subjects, when he mentions sex or cut them brief. I always wondered why he gave me over an hour to talk at a session! My insurance sucks....and I cant find a new P-doc who is either a) taking new pts or b) taking new pts AND accepts my insurance. I checked all doctors in a 1 hr radius. What to do?
  2. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    Keep trying to look for a new Dr.

    I am a hetero female who had more than one pass made by a hetero male but I was not interested and it was very creepy.
    The guy ended up being a Cocaine addict and lost his license. I also found out I was not the only one he did that to. At first you think , I must be imagining this but then you realize you aren't.

    That's enough to give you more panic attacks !
    Good Luck
  3. spatialbean

    spatialbean New Member


    You are seeing this guy for therapy, right? Not just for meds? If he is ignorant of his field, what the heck is he doing it for?

    Anyway, the therapist/patient relationship is supposed to be based on trust. How can you trust this guy when you feel he may have other things on his mind? You won't be able to be entirely candid with him, or will you?

    If it is interfering in your comfort and your ability to confide in this person, then you probably need to say something to him about it. Unfortunately, you need to be seeing a therapist who is really honest with himself, who can look at his own behavior and check out what is going on inside of them and not turn the tables back on you, and from what you say, I don't know if this guy can do that.

    If you don't want to address your suspicions with him about his questions, stares and touches, when he brings up sex you could tell him you are uncomfortable with his explicitness and tell him you are not ready to discuss "xyz" with him.

    If this behavior continues it is entirely inappropriate and you should look for another person to see. You could also broaden your field to choose from by seeing a psychopharmacologist for meds and a psychologist or another non-MD type person for your therapy. If you are on meds that are working for you, your regular internal medicine doctor may be happy to prescribe them for you.

    One last can try calling your insurance company and tell them that the network of shrinks in your area is not good and you are unhappy with the one in your area that is available. Ask them to allow you to see an non-network provider at the network provider co-pay rate. Part of their responsibility as insurers is to provide an adequate market for you to choose from. If your insurance is through your employer or a union, go to them and complain. They can contact the sales rep who sold the policy to them and get just about anything covered for you. Can you tell I have worked in health insurance for eons???

    Hope this helps!!
  4. PatPalmer

    PatPalmer New Member

    Not that I am prejudiced, some of my best friends are gay.

    BUT, I don`t think it`s normal for ANYONE to ask about your personal sex life, specially in his position, - not unless you are seeking advice or opinion from them first.

    It`s not your imagination, too many things add up. Even if you confront him with this - you`re still going to be uncomfortable, I would be anyway... It`s up to you though.

    Good luck

  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    This guy simply cannot be effective as a therapist for you under the circumstances. If you are dependent upon him for any medication, I can see why you would need him, but otherwise, I would get rid of him. He should be reported as this is one of the worst things a mental health worker can do. You are a strong person, but what about someone more vulnerable that this guy might take advantage of. He could do more harm to someone, even causing that person to commit suicide. This is really a serious matter.

    I would definitely contact the insurance company's mental health benefit provider and see about other docs. If you don't need meds prescribed, you could also consider a psychologist. One of my best therapists just had a Master's degree in psychology. As it turned out for me, the anxiety is caused by the neurons in my brain and without the Klonopin, it doesn't matter what I do, I will suffer anxiety. With the Klonopin, the anxiety is gone.

    Ace, whatever you decide to do, I hope it all turns out well for you. Take care.

    Love, Mikie
  6. klutzo

    klutzo New Member

    When I did my internship in Psychiatric Social Work at a huge outpatient psychiatric clinic, I was shocked by how many of the psychiatrists on staff seemed to be sexual predators. I am not talking about with children, I am talking adults, mostly male psychs with adult female patients, who were vulnerable and easy to take advantage of. I can think of two men I knew who I would diagnose with sexual addiction, who went into the field just for this reason! They were geniuses, but neither of them had a conscience, and both were sociopathic in the way they dealt with right and wrong. It was a case of physician heal thyself!
    However, I did not see this happening as much with psychologists (only once), and I never saw it happen with licensed therapists or LCSW's.
    My suggestion would be to find a licensed therapist. There are more of them to choose from, and even though they can't write scripts, they can work with your PCP to see that you get any drugs you need. Besides, they are cheaper!
    Also, (and I admit to being prejudiced here) therapits and LCSW's spend ALL of their education learning how to help you. It is not just one small rotation out of many others they have to do.
    This guy has got to go, and if you continue to see him and he takes this any further, I hope you will report him, because you are surely not the only one.
  7. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    You said it best: "Sessions are uncomfortable now." What possible benefit can you get from a doctor who immediately puts you on guard, and creates an atmosphere of tenseness in the room? My feeling is, you are wasting your co-payments, if nothing else, when this guy makes you understandably ill at ease & wary....

    With your medical connection, is there ANY way you can get in to see one of the docs who say they aren't taking new patients???

    I feel for you, I know (as we all do here) how tough it is to find a reliable doc (of any kind) in your area....but I think you need to dump this guy!!

    Good luck, Ace, I hope you find something better than this....


  8. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    Aaaaw honey, I am so sorry that this has happened to you!

    I tend to agree with Mikie - I don't feel that he can be much use to you as things stand and he can't even help you with anxiety...when HE is now causing it!

    If you were relying on him solely for help with anxiety and panic, would you be able to go to a hypnotherapist for the same thing? Would your insurance cover that?

    If staying with this weazle is your only option, then I think you have to be straight with him...maybe go down his path of sexual questioning, until you are sure of your give him enough rope to hang himself - and then tell him he is way off base and in danger of losing a patient and getting reported too...

    I can't think of a worse thing than being preyed on by someone who is in a position of trust and supposed to be helping us.

    hugs to you honey
    Mary x
  9. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Follow your instincts, they will not fail you. I had a similar problem with an endoc here...he thought you needed to strip down to the waste just to check your heartrate, then he got weirder too, so I stopped seeing him. I trust my gut and it told me to stay away from him.

    Marilyn :)
  10. Notonline

    Notonline New Member

    Trust your instincts about this guy...and find another psychiatrist.

    I've found quite a few practioners in the mental health field in the past that need therapy and meds more than me. I guess there are good and bad, like anything else, but I know it sure can be discouraging trying to weed through the weirdos when you're trying to get the help you need.

    All the good ones in this area are not accepting new patients either. Hubby has had a really tough time finding a good psychiatrist after his old one left the area, still not sure if we've got a "keeper" or not after a year of trying. Good Luck!

  11. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    I am sure that he has done this before. I have reason to believe now...having some background on him, that his DEA was pulled for a year! It gets wackier, but if tell you it would seem unbleivable. Thing is I feel sorry for him. He seems to have a messed up past. I guess many in this field go into it to solve thier own issues. I know just by reporting him once, as another dr, he would most definetly be investigated and found guilty. Sexual harrasment is the only charge, where you are guilty until proven innocent, per one old professor of mine.

    I would never get so in depth with a pt. Only under specific circumstances do I ask about sex. But it is done professionally and some of the questions HAVE to be asked. Such as what is your sexual background, if someone presents with say multiple fungal and lung infections....then my AIDS/HIV buzzer go off, as it should. In these cases you have to ask, and it's for the pts benefit, and expect them to be candid. no matter how uncomfortable. My state is a mandatory DCF reporting state, so sometimes I have to ask children, "did you get touched here or there" sometime I dont want to know the answer but these questions really are nessesary.

    But he crossed the line. And you guys are right. Go with gut. I will pay out of pocket for another dr if I have to.
    Or take your advice and call my insurance and tell them to find me one. I am not dependant on him but I do get my Klonopin from him, as I cant Rx this to myself....but I am weaning off it. As an example of his ignorance, I asked him about Provigil once, and he said you mean the antipsychotic!
    I wonder if he ever reads or takes dr refresher courses in his field? Anyway, I need to weigh this situation. I wouldnt have been so shocked had it been a female, as it would seem more 'commom' to have an opposite sex therapist hit on you. I guess I am old fashioned with my idea and a little ignorant myself! But I have nothing against homsexuality, as I have a female, lesbien friend and know 2 homosexual doctors. I just have a thing against people who abuse their rank or knowledge against others, especially in a sexual manner. Totally uncalled for. And I should know better how to deal with this situation. Gonna call him and tell him my action plan without making accusations. As I dont need a slander/defamation suit on me.

  12. JHG

    JHG New Member

    Any medical professional who makes a pass at a patient is breaking the rules of ethics, as well as the hippocratic oath. I would certainly look for another therapist/doctor. There are many available. You shouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior. JHG
  13. JHG

    JHG New Member

    Any medical professional who makes a pass at a patient is breaking the rules of ethics, as well as the hippocratic oath. I would certainly look for another therapist/doctor. There are many available. You shouldn't tolerate this kind of behavior. JHG
  14. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    It's really kind that you feel sorry for him and that is because you are a caring person. I do know what you mean, it is sad/pathetic that he gets his kicks that way.

    But that is NOT your problem right now. You have plenty on your plate without this. And although he cuts a pathetic figure, he is also doing it because he can. He is ruthlessly taking advantage of sick people who have been placed in his care.
    And he may well have done this before, and may well continue to do this even after he has lost you as a patient.

    But that his HIS choice. If he is able to go to work as a Psychiatrist, one assumes he knows the difference between right and wrong.

    If he does and he continues in this behaviour, he is making waaaaaaay wrong choices - and will ultimately end up paying for them one way or another.

    If he doesn't, well then he needs much more psychiatry than you ever will.

    Keep your energy for you and get the heck out of there...

    Mary xx
  15. OuchyMama

    OuchyMama New Member

    There is no good I can see coming from cotinuing therapy if he has been innapropriate. I am sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience when I went for a physical for a job at a state hospital. The exam should have been the basic bloodpressure reflexes type. I was not aware of the simplicity the exam was supposed to have. The creep did an exstensive breast "exam" and a pelvic. I found out later I was the only one he subjected to this.
    [This Message was Edited on 05/27/2003]
  16. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    i keep rereading the posts...thinking this all over. I dont feel traumatized at all. I don't give him power over me.
    And it's really just a thought in the back of my mind now.
    I was in counseling for years and it never helped. All I need now it to wean my meds and move on. Oh and Btw to any pts who are going for physcials or the OB/GYN you can ask for another same sex person to be present with you, either staff or friend during the exam. It helps, if not stops sexual harrasment or assault dead.
  17. jamedw1

    jamedw1 New Member

    (and this is quite tongue in cheek)...

    maybe you could charge HIM to look at your butt...

    this would cut down your out of pocket expenses in finding a competent psych who doesnt have his head up HIS butt...

    the answer to your dilemma is obvious...
    with this "seed" planted in your mind, how could you focus on what you need to be focusing on when you're concerned on what "his" focus is on...

    then again, if he gets "spooked" enough, if you confront him with his livlihood, maybe some free sessions would be fair compensation...(j/k)... either give a shot at working this in some way to your advantage (lord knows you're "owed" a few), or run like hell...

    just an offbeat thought to a much different situation...
    [This Message was Edited on 05/27/2003]
  18. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    There is a website called Questionabledocs or Questionabledoctors, can't remember which, and you can check any doc for complaints, malpractice, and censures by the medical society. If you want a full report, you pay around $10 which allows you a certain number of detailed reports, but you can find out a lot for free.

    Seems my rheumy lost his license to practice in another state and was censured in FL for taking kickbacks for referrals. No enough for me to quit seeing him, but it does give me an idea about how he does business.

    Love, Mikie
  19. momkatmax

    momkatmax New Member

    The statment "attractive young man" is out of place no matter what, so it could be what you are thinking. If you can, change docs since this has affected the doctor patient relationship and with a psychiatric relationship, trust is very important.

  20. sofy

    sofy New Member

    This is a tough one. He did not do anything that could be legally classified as inappropriate but you know he had intent but was sly and slippery about it to protect himself.
    What to do?
    You could do nothing and move on or take the same approach with him as he did with you before moving on. I would choose the latter. Either in person or by letter.
    Tell him you were made to feel a sexual overature was made to you and then list his behavior that led you to think this. Say you cannot continue as his patient because you no longer feel comfortable in his presence and suggest he examine and modify his behavior so that future patients will not get the same discomforting feelings from a medical professional who is suppose to be helping them feel at ease with the world. This way you let him know how you feel but do not accuse him of misdeeds and if you write a letter it should go in your file. Well anyway its suppose to .
    Just a thought.