Update on marraige crisis need your support

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ayhatch, Feb 6, 2007.

  1. ayhatch

    ayhatch New Member

    Well, many of you have seen in my many posts that I have marital issues woven with alcoholism and my health problems. Yesterday I posted the latest slap in the face of my limitations. - Thanks for your responses to that.

    Well, yesterday I had the worst, most frightening moment so far in my struglle with everything. I was driving across a bridge, listening to music and thinking about my husbands recent rejection and moodiness and one thing after another lead me to well up with tears, get dizzy and feel like ending it all. In a flash I wanted to drive my car right off the bridge, but thankfully I pulled offroad and parked my car with the hazard lights on.
    I screamed and yelled and cried like I have never done. I'm mad that I'm sick, I'm mad that I have a bad marraige, I'm mad that I'm waiting for disability and can't do anything else for work.
    In that moment the thing that saved me was thinking about my kids. 5 and 10. I love them so much and want to be here for them. I am so miserable, though! I have a lot of counseling resources and I take an anti-depressant. I'm afraid that process of elimination tells my it's the spouse that has to go.
    Anyway, I wanted to reach out and tell you how scared I got. I shouted for god to help me. He brought a tow truck driver, paramedics and two friends to drive my car home and pick up my kids from school while I went to the hospital for observation.
    Another obvious nail in the coffin of my marraige may have been the obvious lack of concern and response when I finaly got home yesterday. My husband didn't ask me what happened. He didn't even want to know.
    I'm alone here, surrounded by my children's love and friends and other family and you all who support and love me, but my spouse is absent in this area.

    I'm going to see my counselor now.
    I'll check back later.
    Thanks.
  2. sisland

    sisland New Member

    Just Breath! You are Doing the right thing by going to counceling!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I can relate to some of what your going through big time!,,,,,,,,Your Kids will Love you no matter what!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,You Have Friends who will Be there for you also!,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Don't Give Up! There are better Day's for you ahead! ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Breath Deep And Hug your Kids alot!,,,,,,,,,I will Be Praying For You Alot!,,,,,,,,,,,,,Hugs!,,,,,,,,,,,,S
    [This Message was Edited on 02/06/2007]
  3. teeniebean

    teeniebean New Member

    I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I think you should be quite honest with your counselor and Dr. about your suicidal thoughts. Maybe some of your medications are to blame. Not to diminish your marriage problems as I am new to the boards.
    I too have had what I would call almost a type of manic suicide thoughts, with no apparent reason. If you don't count having CFS for 7 years and my life whittled away to minutes, hours etc.
    I think that manic depression is a symptom that has not been identified as part of this illness. All long term illnesses have high suicide rates, and everyone that reads this must remember that includes CFSIDS, ME and Fibro....
    I think we must be vigilant to symptoms of suicide as if it were a severe gastric symptom...GO REST. You are probably doing TOO much.
    I hope this helps. I hope you seek help immediately.
  4. fungirl2100

    fungirl2100 New Member

    Hello,

    I can only imagine what nightmare you are going through. I am glad you got through yesterday without hurting yourself. You have a lot on your plate & please reach out to all your family and friends. Including us. I will help anytime I can. That's the honest to goodness truth.

    To have that sense of desperation to almost resort to that and not it takes someone very strong & brave to not take the quick and easy way out. You thought of your family.

    Your husband as I cannot tell you what to do, I think deep down you know what needs to be done. This may help relieve some of the huge blackhole of stress you have going on your life.

    You may need a med adjustment I don't know.

    I am glad you are seeking help. I will continue to keep you & your children in my daily thoughts.

    love truly your friend,
    Dawn
  5. froggyfog

    froggyfog New Member

    I just posted my own story of problems with my life and husband, then came back to the board and seen yours. I can honestly say I feel your pain. I haven't thought of suicide but everything else sounds very familiar. My husband also acts cold most of the time...just remember you are important, your kids need you! Even when your kids are teenagers(as mine are) they will act like they don't need you but they do. Try and focus on them instead of your husband right now. Focus on the good things in your life. I'll be praying for you!
  6. ayhatch

    ayhatch New Member

    I had a good therapy appointment today. helped me sort some stuff out. I'm going again tomorrow. I'm exhausted from my emotional breakdown, but I have tix to the Ballet tonight, so I'm going to go!