Well, many of you have seen in my many posts that I have marital issues woven with alcoholism and my health problems. Yesterday I posted the latest slap in the face of my limitations. - Thanks for your responses to that. Well, yesterday I had the worst, most frightening moment so far in my struglle with everything. I was driving across a bridge, listening to music and thinking about my husbands recent rejection and moodiness and one thing after another lead me to well up with tears, get dizzy and feel like ending it all. In a flash I wanted to drive my car right off the bridge, but thankfully I pulled offroad and parked my car with the hazard lights on. I screamed and yelled and cried like I have never done. I'm mad that I'm sick, I'm mad that I have a bad marraige, I'm mad that I'm waiting for disability and can't do anything else for work. In that moment the thing that saved me was thinking about my kids. 5 and 10. I love them so much and want to be here for them. I am so miserable, though! I have a lot of counseling resources and I take an anti-depressant. I'm afraid that process of elimination tells my it's the spouse that has to go. Anyway, I wanted to reach out and tell you how scared I got. I shouted for god to help me. He brought a tow truck driver, paramedics and two friends to drive my car home and pick up my kids from school while I went to the hospital for observation. Another obvious nail in the coffin of my marraige may have been the obvious lack of concern and response when I finaly got home yesterday. My husband didn't ask me what happened. He didn't even want to know. I'm alone here, surrounded by my children's love and friends and other family and you all who support and love me, but my spouse is absent in this area. I'm going to see my counselor now. I'll check back later. Thanks.