Update on my "Need a hug" post about my brother

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by EllenComstock, Mar 7, 2006.

  1. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Everyone:

    I came in this morning and there were more good wishes and hugs on my original post-22 in all! Everyone here is amazing. I really appreciate all the kindness and support everyone has shown.

    I do have some good news. I met with the group home owner yesterday afternoon and she has accepted Jim into the group home! It's a nice home in the small town of Morenci. It appears to be more efficiently run and it sounds like Jim will have more supervision-something he really needs.

    The down side is that it's 60 miles from my home so I'm not sure how often I can see Jim, but there is a bus that we might be able to use that goes right into Adrian. With the FMS, I have a hard time driving. I know my husband can drive me sometimes depending on his work schedule.

    We will move Jim in this weekend. On the way home, I stopped at Jim's current group home and talked with Don, the group home owner, and Jim. Unfortunately, the meeting went badly. I am upset about how Don acted in front of my brother. I know that Jim doesn't want to go to another group home, but at this point, he doesn't want to live in any group home. He keeps telling me he wants to live in his own home, which is what he told me yesterday. Of course this is not possible.

    Right after Jim said this, Don said in an angry voice that I can't force Jim to leave his group home, that it would be Jim's decision where he lives. I can't believe that Don would say this in front of Jim. I became upset and said to him, "Thanks, Don. You're such a help." As Jim's guardian, I believe that I do have the authority and I told him so.

    I had tried to start the conversation on a positive note, but Don just didn't want to hear what I had to say. He said that Morenci is farther away (as if I didn't know this) and said negatives things about it. I am afraid now that Don will really turn Jim off about going.

    I didn't want to have the situation escalate any further, so I cut the meeting short, told Jim I would call him, and left the group home. Now I am concerned with what else Don is telling Jim to really turn him off on moving.

    Well, Harry and I will go out on Saturday and get Jim moved. When we clear out his room, Jim will have to go with us. I know he won't be happy. I just hope Don won't give me any more trouble. Fortunately, Harry will be with me.

    Thanks again for your hugs and support!

    Ellen

  2. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Ellen:
    Maybe the owner of the group home is sorry about losing $$$ from not keeping your brother. It hits him in the moneybelt.
    And you are right: as guardian you have the right to do what is in your brother's best interest. Good for you!!!!
    Hugs,
    NyroFan
    P.S. And anyone who would try to poision your brother's mind about moving is not someone I would want caring for one of my relatives.
  3. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    My dear, you will be more than ready for a rest by the time this situation is resolved (hopefully on Saturday). In the meantime, be extra gentle with yourself and make sure you eat & sleep as well as you can.

    I'm simply appalled at Don's behavior - he's about as unprofessional as they come. His rant and rave only confirms your initial decision to help Jim find a new home - no-one should have to live in a place run by such a manipulative, uncouth and uncaring man.

    Thanks for keeping us posted - prayers are going up.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  4. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    everyone for your suppport. Yes, I am sure that the money is definitely an issue in why Don is so upset. Although I did tell him that I could pay him for the first week of April since that would be a 30-day notice, which is what he did tell me he requires. He didn't say whether or not this arrangement was agreeable or not.

    Anne Theresa - I think you are definitely right about Don not acting very professionally, especially in front of my brother. I just keep wondering what's going on at the group home and what else Don said to Jim after I left.

    Thanks again, everyone. You, my husband and my in-laws are definitely helping me through this.

    Ellen
  5. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    I am so sorry that you have all this extra stress...Hopefully things will go so much better once you get him moved..

    It is so hard when these people who are suppose to be professional and suppose to be looking out for the best interrest for your brother...And they don't..

    My niece is in a group home...There seem to always be problems...Now she is in one far away from home...It is out by one of her other realatives...But her Dad will call and it's funny she can never come to the phone..she is either sleeping or getting a bath...they don't believe it cuz it happens all the time..

    She has MD I think (I get them confused sorry..) and she doesn't talk real well but her Dad can usually understand her..Well when he would talk to her on the phone he could not understand her at all...He kept asking the group home lady if they had changed her med...She kept saying no...Well come to find out they had her on prozac!! She was just being drugged..then they finally addmitted it and said she was deppressed...

    It makes me sad cuz these people are suppose to be taking care of our loved ones...

    I hope this new home is a good one for your brother...and the drive might just been worth it..

    Good luck and I hope everything with the move goes well..
  6. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Thanks Patti and Sheryl for taking the time to respond to my post and for your kind words.

    Sheryl - I am so sorry about your niece. Our loved ones who cannot speak for themselves, really need family members who will oversee their care.

    I have to tell myself that this will go smoothly and in less than a week Jim will be settled in a new and much better home.

    Thanks again.

    Ellen
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I'm glad you got your brother into the new home. If ever there was any doubt, this creep's behavior is proof that you did the right thing. I would call whomever oversees the group homss and file a complaint.

    Good luck on the move.

    Love, Mikie
  8. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Thanks for the response. I did report him once to Probate Court, but they just couldn't believe that what I told them was true. I wonder if I would get the same response from Family Independence Agency or Community Mental Health.

    I'll get Jim moved first, then think about this.

    Ellen