I am now nearly 33 weeks along, and I am starting to get really nervous. Which I don't know why, because I have done this 3 times and survived, so you'd think I'd be an old pro by now. Part of the reason I am so scared is because of the traumatic labor I had with my last one. My water broke at midnight on my due date with her, and my Dr told me to wait at home until I had regular contractions (even though it was my 3rd baby, and he already knew I was Group B strep positive, which I didn't know.) By the time we got to the hospital at 6 am, I noticed the fluid was green, which I knew was meconium. They had to rush and give me IV antibiotics for the GBS, and they gave me pitocin to speed things up since she had meconium. Within 15 minutes of starting that IV I was in so much pain, I thought I was going to die. It was so intense and so fast and I was terrified. They called in the anesthesiologist for the epidural, but by the time he got there, they told me it was too late!! I was already 10 cm dilated and it was time to push. I screamed at the Dr that I couldn't do it because I was in so much pain! (now I never scream or yell like that...ever. With my boys, I had the epidural and got through their deliveries without even a whimper) But with my daughter, it was really bad. I just can't describe that pain. I got her out in 15 minutes, somehow. But they whisked her away to clear her lungs and check for infection. Although she was fine and is perfectly healthy today, that was just too traumatic for me. So I am so scared something like that will happen again. Also, we have a vacation scheduled for the week before I a due. This vacation was already planned and paid for before I knew I was pregnant. We rent a cottage on the beach every year. It is only an hour away from home, but my Dr is concerned about me going. She is worried about what may happen if I go into labor early, while I am away. She says with a 4th baby, if my water breaks (which usually happens for me first when I go into labor) she will NOT tell me to drive an hour to get to the hospital near me. The only hospital by my vacation home is nasty, and I would never want to deliver a baby there. So I am very torn and worried about taking this trip. But my kids look forward to it all year! So I will just have to wait and see how things go by then. The baby measured about 4 lbs two weeks ago. And I can definitely tell he/she is getting a lot bigger, because it doesn't move as much. But when it does move, you can see my whole stomach moving. And it is pretty uncomfortable because it pushes on all of my organs and whatever else is in there. I am ready (I think) physically and mentally to have the baby soon. This pregnancy has been really hard on me having FMS, and not being able to take any meds. It surely has been no picnic. I think the hardest part has been the lack of support. Family, friends and co-workers really cannot understand how truly difficult it is to be pregnant, and to suffer with Fibromyalgia, while taking care of 3 kids. People seem to think I just have it all together and I am some sort of superwoman, but I have fallen apart on several occasions. There isn't much help out there for women with FMS wo are pregnant, and this was very upsetting for me. Luckily for me, I have had no complications thus far with the pregnancy and the baby appears perfect and healthy. I am truly blessed for that, and I thank God everyday. It is almost as though my body was made to have babies or something. But it has been a struggle this time. Someone told me a story recently that I have been carrying with me whenever I am feeling particularly low. She had a friend who was put on complete bed rest because of medical complications, and this woman became extremely depressed over her situation. She would lay awake crying at night over her circumstances. One night when she was feeling particularly weary, she heard a male voice telling her "thank you for all of your struggles...just hold on". She went on to deliver a healthy baby boy, and felt the voice was her son speaking to her, and thanking her for enduring all the pain for him. So anytime I feel really bad, I think of that story, and I try to remind myself that this will all be worth it in the end, when I am holding my precious baby in my arms for the first time. I will be having a 4D ultrasound this coming week (I still won't find out the sex) but I will let you know how things look then. I can't wait to see what he/she looks like. All of my babies looked identical at birth, so I am so excited to see if this one looks like my other kids. Today is my oldest son's 10th Birthday. I was reflecting this morning on his birth and thinking about how far we have come since then. It brought happy tears.....yes, I am truly blessed.