Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by CinCA, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    Thanks to everyone for all your helpful advice and support as I have had such a hard time of things as of late. Well, after pushing myself so hard the past several days to get our house ready to go on the market, it's close but not done, although I sure am. I am utterly exhausted and have decided I've had it. My health absolutely cannot take a backseat anymore, and I need to make it a priority. As such, I'll do a little more cleaning/straightening 'til 10 and then go to bed, so I can at least get 8 hours' sleep. Hubby pulled an all-nighter organizing stuff last night...he is free to do it again tonight, but I am done. I also have decided to see an attorney tomorrow to inquire about at least separation procedures and better find out my rights. Again, this is NOT a flip decision nor is it really just because I am "down and out". To be quite honest, I've been very unhappy for a long time but felt I had nowhere to go, and at least I had food, shelter, transportation, etc. staying here. I hate the thought of what this will do to our daughter, but her seeing us fight and seeing Mommy so chronically sick and unhappy isn't good either. And honestly, this is way, WAY beyond what counseling could solve. I do know this from experience and am not just rejecting it out-of-hand.

    Again, I so appreciate everyone's support...it means a lot. I'll keep you posted on how the saga continues.

    Take care, and I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL, happy, brain-fog and pain FREE day tomorrow. I personally am going to have a good cry right now, but honestly, it usually makes me feel better in the long run.

  2. ~Sibyle~

    ~Sibyle~ New Member

    I just wanted to offer you some Cyber Hugs [[[[[[[[[]]]]]]]

    Hang in there sweetie, you know your doing what is best for you and your little girl!
  3. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    attorney for advice...

    the things i know that you could do for yourself is set yourself up with a little nest egg...i don't know if you have access to money in joint accounts but i would start taking some out slowly for a rainy day....usually people run down to the bank and take it out and close the account....

    if you are primary on any insurance policies take him off before you file...it is against the law to drop him after you serve papers or are served papers...

    get copies of your accounts all....and his w-2's and 1040's...open up a safe deposit box and store them away....
    including any cash you may have...

    a friend of mine said her cousin went and cashed out all the credit cards and put them in gift cards for she could use them to buy goroceries or use them to pay bills...he isn't paying child support...

    do not tell the left hand what the right hand is doing...

    well i am proud of you for taking some control in this situation...i am not telling you to file only you will know what is best for you...

    also, be careful not to say anything to the in-laws...they will go and tell you husband...had it done to me...

    well take care

  4. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    No, I cannot siphon anything away, as hubby watches everything financial like a hawk. That being said, I live in a community property state (CA), so I was assured in a phone call I had the other week with an attorney that I absolutely WILL get what I am entitled to. For now, everything is held jointly, though...one more reason I need to consult with an attorney to figure out how to take care of stuff. Problem is they want a several-thousand-dollar retainer, which of course hubby will see in an instant. This is what has prevented me from seeking this type of thing much earlier.

    Honestly, I've been quite open and honest with him about the degree of my unhappiness. He now treats all of this as my "mood swings" and my "just being tired". Yes, I back down, but it's more because of fear...of not being able to take care of myself, of not getting to see/have custody of our daughter, of what more stress will do to me. But at the same time, I can't keep going on like this. I also see my doctor tomorrow, and I am going to have serious discussions with him as to whether he'd be willing to support me if necessary in court or via a deposition...basically that I am not imcompetent, not crazy, etc., etc. and that I am a great mother who deserves custody of her child if it comes to that. It's sad that this is the way things are going, but I am to the point I really just don't see any other option if I am ever to get healthy and even remotely close to happy.

    Thanks so much.
  5. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    maybe you could draw the money out and said you need it for some plastic surgery always wanted....tell him you are getting breast implants or butt implant who cares... just say how depressed you have been and you just really want it and there is no changing your mind and you will lose the deposit...and the rest is due at the surgery....and if he asks for paperwork just say youleft them there an you'll get them next or the can send them to you...

    just a thought...

    good luck

  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    well c-

    i hope you got your answers you needed from the attorney...

    if you go thru w/it i hope it is short and sweet...there are no winners...

    i know you will do the best for the child....yo already have...you are a good mother and don't let anyone tell you otherwise...

    we will support you in whatever you choose..

  7. CinCA

    CinCA New Member

    For the advice and support. Nix any sort of charge card, etc. idea...hubby tracks finances like a hawk, way before statements come. I honestly can't really siphon money away, etc. I do live in a community property state (CA), and when I spoke to an attorney over the phone the other week (didn't get a chance to call or meet today), he did not seem concerned about finances and said I was entitled to the "same standard of living I enjoy currently", or something to that effect (can't remember the exact legal jargon).

    I don't know what to do. I am exhausted and severely sleep deprived (hubby has been up the past 2 nights straight...save for a 2 hour nap last night). I got more sleep than that, but it was quite broken and not enough. Now our daughter is home from the grandparents', so I have her to take care of, too. I was quite irritable and snapped at her today...I felt so bad, but I am so overwhelmed. All I DO know is that I do NOT want to move, period, and hubby will NOT relent in the sell the house thing (although he did say we could lease it instead, like that would be that much better...I still can't stay). I don't know if I have any legal right to terminate anything, as I "only" own 1/2, but I guess I really don't have to decide until an offer comes on the table, and of course I can refuse it.

    Thanks again for all the support. It means so much. I really don't feel I have anyone here I can trust to talk to.

  8. bettydroop

    bettydroop New Member

    than feeling like your husband doesnt give a rats *** what you are going through, what you feel about the rest of your future, for crying out load - even if you want to MOVE or not!!! OH, I am so sorry to hear about this. I too have been reading your posts and I wish I knew how to help you -If I can think of ANYTHING I will post for sure!

    I am having some marital probs myself- NOTHING like you BUT- I wanna say that I can SOMEWHAT understand what it feels like to feel like you dont matter or dont have a say OR like he doesnt CARE how you are feeling or I guess just SUPPORTED with health etc.

    I know its gotta get better, Iknow its hard to believe that sometimes but it WILL, one day at a time as they say.
    I wish I could help you so much, take care of yourself OK?
    ~~~~~~~ Bette/ Karen

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