Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by gypsy101, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. gypsy101

    gypsy101 New Member

    Well, my life is moving ahead. It seems that a strong male in my life (divorce lawyer) really knocks the wind out of my soon to be ex's sails. He really is a coward underneath it all. For the past two weeks I really had to come to terms with all that I allowed myself to give up for the man I chose to marry. I have to keep taking responsibility for that. I was told by my close friend to never place the blame on him for my choices. The things that were always in my control. It's been a blessing to understand why that's important. It keeps me honest.

    I'm very thankful I had the kind people here to unload years worth of abuse onto through cyberchat. I cannot tell you how helpful you all were. I was like a small child lost at DisneyWorld the day all this began. You were all acting as helpful tour guides. Thankyou so much.

    My soon to be ex is now in Contrite mode... looking for me to "quit now and let me come back."... because he "gets it now".... Ugh. How my stomach rolls at this becasue I see how HE SEES ME!!!! I've allowed myself to be someone who WOULD do this (file for divorce) to get him to clean up his act... At least, I never did that before, but he belives he can figure me out. I'm very ashamed of who I became. That was my fault.

    I have this ongoing dilema now about fibro. Do I have it or don't I? I don't know the answer to that. I have had very little pain, unless I become too stressed out. Then it can creep up the back of my neck arms and shoulders like a fireball. Sheer agony, burning me up. Is it stress? Is it fibro?

    The doctor insists it's fibro.

    My soon to be ex has done none of his "big man" threats I believed him capable of. To those who were worried about me, I think the only time I was actually in danger was when no one knew what was going on. Once I told the lawyer, and others in town and took off my ring, I became untouchable. He isn't even raising his voice to me. He is so cowed right now. I'm not buying it at all. I know he wants me back only so that he can control me again. He gets an adreniline rush from torturing me. I have confided in all of my close girlfriends all of the unspeakable until now abuse I have suffered. My friends are astounded. I'm so relieved to be expressing it all. I feel so honest. I feel with the truth out, I will never return to him. How could I? If I'd continued hiding the truth, I would have gone back... but acutally, I never would have left.
  2. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I am afraid I did not hear your whole story, but from the sound of this 'update' it seems you have gotten things together.

    I am so very happy for you, and hopefully your FM will give you some relief after all the stress you have lived with. Keeping things to yourself is not the way to go, its best let out in the open like you are doing now.

    I am having marriageabe problems myself right now, so can relate to some of what you are saying. You gave me some insight as well.

    You take care of yourself, and do not let him con you back into a controlled life style.

    If its possible, I hope you find a good man that will appreciate you. You sound like a fine person....

    All the best to you.

    Shalom, Shirl

  3. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    Hopefully he will just accept this and move on. But don't count on it yet. Mine called me the day of the divorce and very sweetly said "Well did you do it?" and when I said "Yes"..he started swearing at me and said "I should have killed you while I had the chance!" and went on to tell me what would happen if I tried to cross a street or go out in a car.
    He eventually called back and said he would hunt me down and kill me no matter where I went. He didn't or I wouldn't be here.

    But that was before shelters or anything so there was no help from the police until a man DID something. So I was just lucky he had been cheating all along and had another girl (17) on the string AND pregnant!!

    I don't want to ruin your happiness at getting free, but I do want you to be aware that once they find out you are actually divorced they can become very angry all over again. Hang in there and stay strong! Bambi
  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    think of it as a learning experience of what you will not tolerate in you life ever again. read books to looking for warning signs learn as much as you can from what went wrong.

    it isn't your fault. but you can learn to be a new person of independance of another person.

    glad things are going all right for now. wish you the best.