UPDATED Lonely, feeling really bad, but improving

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by achy, Aug 26, 2003.

  1. achy

    achy New Member

    I hate to whine...but I am all alone, wiht nobody to talk to and really feel like crap, physically and emotionally.
    And i am angry for feeling this way. for the most part my life is good...all I ever wanted was a great husband, nice little farm house house wiht a chunk of land in the country, to grow my own veggies...etc. I wanted a simple life, and I have it.
    BUT
    I am so lonely. I had to stop working last year and am "out of the loop". I can't even go visit because I can't make it up the stars in the bldg I worked in.
    My family is 200+ miles away. We couldn't have children.
    Hubby is a forest firefighter and away for weeks at a time. I miss him and worry, but the $$ is great and really needed. he can't call very often since he is usually out in the middle of nowhere.
    Then to top it off I don't have ANY friends. We moved to a small town where if you weren't born here you don't belong.
    Families are so close knit, the entire family will live on the same street!! They don't socialize outside the "familiy"
    I do have a support group that meets once a month. It is an hour drive to get there, but I go as often as I can.

    To bring this sob story to a point....
    It has dawned on me that if something should happen, a fall, asthma attack, etc....I could lay here for days and nobody would know it. Nobody would come looking for me because I wouldn't be missing from anywhere. It's a very scary, lonely thought.

    So here I am...hubby is gone, so I have to do all the chores, including mowing. I try not to overdo, but as you know, you have to do what you have to do. I feel awful, in a lot of pain and so very tired. I have no one to ask for help, or even to just spend time with.

    I know I have you all..and for that I am very grateful. I try to at least read the posts as often as I can. My hands hurt alot so typing is difficult, and of course I pay if I sit here too long. But you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    I'm not looking for sympathy...just understanding. Make it a point to call or visit somebody today. Lonelyness is just as painful as this DD.

    Thanks for listening
    Warm fuzzies
    Achy


    WEDNESDAY UPDATE;

    I put this under a new post hoping you all would see it, but it flew to anohter page...thought I'd just add it here.

    They say the Lord may not always give us what we "want", but will always provide what we "need".

    I have been blessed with both.

    I am overwhelmed by your wonderful replies to my post. I went to my FM/CF support group last night and didn't get home until 10:30...way past my bedtime. I was amazed this am at the # of friends that replied!! I can't thank you enough for being here. I don't think ppl realise how much a few kind words can impact someones life.

    Now that i feel better emotionally I'm sure my body will react positively also. Naturally I am paying for the hour drive to my meeting and the few errands I did while in "the big city"....but it was worth it. I even treated myself to a new insulated drink bottle whoopeee!!!

    Think I'll take it easy today and bask in the glory....

    God bless my friends,
    Achy

    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2003]
  2. IgotYou

    IgotYou New Member

    Lots of people here seem to be in the same boat. I thank God I'm not lonely, but I can certainly imagine how difficult it would be. Even those of us with friends and family, though, feel lonely at times because nobody understands what we're going through and we feel different from everyone else.

    When I was very lonely a few years ago (as a stay-at-home mom with no money and no friends) I got involved in local civic programs and went to church functions. It may be hard to get up and out, but even small towns have community activities, churches, and social events. It might give you the opportunity to meet someone new. Or if there is a rest home or hospital nearby, you could volunteer to visit with people who are lonely. That could help both you and them feel better. Just a few ideas that come to mind. I think being new in town you'll have to make the first moves. People don't seem to be as friendly as they used to be.
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    While I'm not as physically isolated as you, socially I am. I at least have one child at home; Well sort of, since he's 16 and is gone as much as he can be. My husband is around too, which helps, but since I can't do much I don't have a problem with him going/doing things with his friends, and he's pretty active.

    This board is a livesaver, as well as email with a few friends. Try the chit-chat board too.

    But I too get to my wit's end; then I go to Borders or Barnes & Noble where at least I can be among people.

    Victoria
    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2003]
  4. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Achy~~I know how you feel. I have been very sick the past three weeks, missing work, worried about losing my job, and am alone.

    I, too, have severe asthma/allergies plus FM/CFS, IBS, osteoarthritis, psoriatic arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, and advanced degenerative disc disease (DDD) which is very painful and debilitating to me. In addition, I have been sick the past two weeks with some kind of pelvic/stomach inflammation, yeast infection, and feel so weak, feverish, tired, and extremely sleepy that I can't function at all. My physician--who is 34 miles away--is on vacation. And, while missing work, I lay in this house all alone too weak & sick to take care of myself. And it is scary business.

    My boss at work is displeased with my being absent from work so much, and I fear I am going to lose my 3-day a week job that I need for income. STRESS!

    I don't know what is wrong with me, but I need to get help as I feel myself getting sicker & sicker.

    Your home sounds peaceful and wonderful, but I understand how lonely it must get for you especially when you don't feel well and have no friends to socialize with or feel like you can call on when ill. I'm in the same boat. I live on a very tight-knit, family-oriented, isolated Indian Reservation, and the only people I know are my co-workers who are upset with me for missing so much work and my clients.

    Are you in a flare, just not feeling well period, or are you down with something else? What are you doing for it?

    My hands are peeling all over--does that mean I'm dehydrated?

    I'm up for some girl-talk if you are....as long as we can sit at these computers--so reply if you feel like it.

    Blessings to you, Carol....
  5. Lexied

    Lexied New Member

    I wish I could just jump through the computer and come sit with you!! I know what it's like to spend most of your time alone and it's NOT a good feeling. Unlike you, I do have family and friends near, but even though they're near I don't really see a lot of them. I am blessed to have a wonderful, loving and supportive husband that comes home every day after work. I also have a dear friend that calls everyday to check on me. I feel so guilty because many times I don't feel like talking to anyone and a lot of times I actually AVOID them because I don't FEEL like talking. It's kind of ironic that often I get angry because I don't hear from anyone but when they DO call I don't answer! Don't understand why I do that yet. You didn't mention it in your post, but I assume you are taking medications for your FM. Are you under a doctor's care? Until I started treating my depression I felt like it was the end of the world, and even now I have to fight each day to keep my head "above water". When I found this board it was such a blessing. It has helped me so much to be among people who truly understand and care! So when I feel lonley, afraid, in pain or just have something to say I just log on. I know it's not the same as having a living breathing person there with you, but it keeps you from feeling alone. I've also found that keeping a daily journal will help you get those pent up feelings out.You will be in my thoughts and prayers every day and I pray that you will find a friend near by that will understand what you are going through and can actually be THERE for you. Until then, if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can cry on mine, okay?

    God Bless You and Comfort You,

    Love & Hugs - Lex
    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2003]
  6. IngyW68

    IngyW68 New Member

    Hi Achy,

    I am sorry that you are going through this lonliness on top of the DD. I know how hard that can be. One of the suggestions I have is to see if there is a church near by that you can start attending. I am a Christain and go to a Methodist church 20 minutes from where I live. I don't know a lot about the other denominations but I know that United Methodists are warm, friendly and will take you under their wing very quickly and have so many outreach programs that if they found out you are sick and alone, will come by to visit, bring meals, etc. There SHOULD be no judgment in the church and it doesn't matter who's family you come from or what your background is. You are one big family when you attend.

    I'm not trying to push but I lived for years alone did not have a big circle of friends and now that my husband and I joined the church 3 years ago, our lives are so fulfilled and abundant with friends that would do anything for us and vice versa. One of the main things is we get to do outreach for others and help other people and that connects you as well. I know someone posted that you could visit and talk with elderly people in an assisted living or something like that and that is a great idea. It takes our mind off our own problems for a bit.

    I have FM, CFS, and DDD and am in pain 24/7 and sometimes can't leave the house with the fatigue.

    So, maybe one day you can let the dust bunnies gather and the lawn grow and save a bit of energy to try a nearby church.

    Just a suggestion, not a lecture:)

    I hope you know you can count on us for friendship here even though we are all separated by miles we are united in our disease.

    Hugs,
    Ingrid
  7. Pindooca

    Pindooca New Member

    ... that makes us feel so isolated and alone, even when other people are around?

    You can email me anytime you want, Achy. You've got lots of company here.
  8. achy

    achy New Member

    Thanks for all your replies....I hope you know how much they are appreciated.
    I know I am truely blessed. I have a lot that many don't and I thank God for it daily. to answer a few of your questions..

    I have been sick for 15 yrs..diagnosed just 2 yrs ago wiht fm/cf/mcs/asthma/deg. disks..etc...
    I am on meds for pain/sleep and depression. I hate taking anything but have to function, especially when hubby is gone.

    I also try to keep busy as my body/mind allows. I love to read, do crafts when these hands and my brain cooperate, and little gardening. Hubby helped me put in a beautiful butterfly/hummingbird garden wnd we built a fountain out of a 2 tiered bird bath.... Very relaxing. I grow our veggies and fruit that I can/preserve...when I can. I usually pay for it afterwards, but it's worth it.

    I do have pets...my babies. I think I'd go nuts wihtout them. They are great company and entertainment, but they don't talk very well..although the lab is trying.
    4 outdoor cats we inherited wiht the house. Great critter getters since we live in the woods.
    2 dogs..one cocker 13 yrs old but still kickin. He was a stray found wondering a desolite highway 12 yrs ago. We couldn't find his owner. He always went to work wiht me and is constantly by my side. And a black lab we were blessed wiht 2 yrs ago. He is very "precious" If dogs wre gay...lol

    As far as church...believe it or not the doors are not always open around here. This is REALLY the boonies. We were invited to one or two but long story short I would rather worship in the love of my home than their so called house of worship. I don't condemn anyone for their beliefs, but just don't choose to make them mine.

    My last job was wiht the American Red Cross, so I know the importance of volunteering. My first job here was at the water utility..I had to quit thanks to this DD...and I do serve on the Board of Directors, which I cherish. It's one hour once a month, but it helps me feel like I contribute to the community. I am a 42yo female...most of them are men 60+ from the old school...need I say more? LOL
    WHEN I feel better and I will, i would like to volunteer more...right now I just can't.

    So see? I really have nothing to complain about. I'm just lonely and sick and tired of being sick and tired.
    I ask God to grant me the serentity....I remind myself that the sun will come out tomorrow...and as long as God is in my heart I am not truely alone....

    And I do have friends...distant ones, but friends just the same. Thanks for reminding me of that.

    With tears in my eyes, but a smile on my lips,
    Warm fuzzies
    Achy

    P.S. I am dragging myself to the city for a support group and to get a new dust mop...oh boy. I will check in this PM.
    Thanks...
  9. LADYBUG2

    LADYBUG2 New Member

    BUT,PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS, AS WELL AS MANY OTHERS HERE.

    MY PETS,,,, ARE GREAT PART OF MY LIFE....2 SMALL DOGS INSIDE; 1 INSIDE CAT; 1 OUTSIDE CAT.

    THE NEIGHBORS 2 DUCKS,,,M&F,,, JUST MOVED INTO MY VERY LARGE YARD,,SO I ASKED MY HUSBAND TO STOP BY THE LOCAL DOLLAR STORE AND PICK UP (2) OF THE HARD PLASTIC KIDDY SWIMMING POOLS. THE DUCKS THINK THEY ARE IN WATER HEAVEN NOW.!!!!!
    AS ITS BEEN 100 DEGREES PLUS, HERE, IN CENTRAL, MISSOURI.

    WE HAVE SOOOO VERY MANY HUMMING BIRDS,I MIX 2 GALLONS OF SUGAR WATER, "WITH 2 TABLESPOONS OF VANILLA" EACH DAY..
    & MY HUSBAND FILLS OUR 8 FEEDERS, WE GO THERW "ALOT OF SUGAR", BUT SO WELL WORTH, THE FACT, THAT WE ARE "BLESSED" WITH THEIR APPEARANCE TO OUR HOME, EACH YEAR NOW FOR 10 YEARS......

    I AM ORIGINALY FROM CALIF, THEN OREGON, AND NOW AT THE
    "LAKE OF THE OZARKS" 75 MILES FROM BRANSON...

    THE FEMALE DUCK HAS LAYED 3 EGGS, BUT WILL NOT SIT ON THEM,,SO I HAVE MADE A "INCUBATOR OF SORTS" AND TEND TO THEM EACH DAY....15 DAYS TO GO,,MORE OR LESS...

    ALSO ,I HAVE MANY CRAFT PROJECTS GOING,,,,WHEN I FEEL WELL ENOUGH.

    PLEASE KNOW, I AM THINKING OF YOU.
    LADYBUG2
    [This Message was Edited on 08/26/2003]
  10. Rob83

    Rob83 New Member

    I really hope you feel better.I want a farm myself.I am a vegan so the only thing I would do is grow vegatables.I will be your freind if you need one
  11. mitch123

    mitch123 New Member

    ((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))
    mitch
  12. sumbuni

    sumbuni New Member

    JUST LOOK AT HOW MANY "FRIENDS" YOU HAVE!!!!!!

    I don't think this is something that happens to just FMS/CFS folk!! Loneliness is world wide. Older folk suffer so much from it. I'm not totally "OLD", but I know that I have delt with loneliness off and on ALL my life...
    Not so much now that I have Jesus in my life, and I AM alone when it comes to the number of people I am associated with. My youngest daughter and her two "WONDERFULLY FANTABULOUS" daughters are about all the people I see much of other than at work. When I feel bad, or when I'm sick i'd rather BE alone. I guess it's because my husband made life so miserable when I was sick, waiting on him like I felt like a million dollars instead of the buck 2.99 I felt like. I was lonlier living with my truck driving husband than I have been since we separated 2 1/2 years ago.

    Achy, we all have "blue" times, and as all bad days go, "this too shall pass!" Hang in there. Keep the chin up and wait...I believe with all my heart that better days are coming!!

    Love and fluffy Hugs!

    God Bless you!

    Sumbuni
  13. 1Candee

    1Candee New Member

    I feel exactly where you're coming from. My hubby works two jobs and see him mostly on weekends--that is if he's not off running erands or whatever.
    I am really tired and hurting tonight but I wanted to let you know that I do care. A lot of the suggestions others have given are excellent. I have panic disorder along with this DD and I was cooped up in the house for a few months to scared to leave my safe haven so I truly know what lonely is--thank God for my pets who were/are my saving grace. Since finding an anxiety/panic support group on-line I have started to venture out and even socialize when this DD permits. I'm sending you prayers, love and major (((HUGS)))!!! Come here anytime--this group is the one constant in my topsy turvy life of symptoms, Doc appts., etc. Luv, Cat
  14. Eve612

    Eve612 New Member

    Even though I have a husband at home, you still feel so alone & scared dealing with this disease & no one that doesn't suffer from it understands..I know my husband doesn't, so I just don't say anything unless I get really bad, like I am now...I was just about to make a post about my symptoms, & see if anyone else experiences anything like these with this DD, or if something else, (I hope not)could be wrong with me... sharing your fear...

    Eve
  15. annetteg1969

    annetteg1969 New Member

    Hi Achy just wanted you to know your not alone!I feel lonely quite often I have a great husband and 3 kids but I still get the blues quite often .Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you!!!From Annette