vent healthy people complain about being sick. FM doesnt relent.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by dani78xo, Oct 13, 2006.

  1. dani78xo

    dani78xo New Member

    God, does this ever get any better? It seems like i'm just going downhill, even if i'm struggling to go up.

    I see my friends, the people at my school, and they get sick. They get mono and pneumonia and the flu...but then they're better. And it's times like those that i really WISH this was just a stage. That I would wake up one morning and say "hey, I think the FM broke."

    And then I realize that no, that's never going to happen. And even if I AM better sometimes at controlling my symptoms than when I first got them a year ago, FM is always going to be the shadow around the corner waiting until I walk down the wrong street before it knocks me over again.

    And my friend, she's worn herself out so much with stress that somethings wrong with her now, she's tired all the time and her doctors don't know what it is.

    And she complains to me every day saying "you know, I'm so sick of being tired all the time, I just want to get diagnosed so I can get rid of it." And she complains and complains about how SICK of feeling sick that she is, and I feel like such a horrible friend.


    Because I know what it's like to wish you could get off the couch and MOVE, but you can't because you know the minute you step outside and start walking you're about to collapse.


    I know what it's like to be tired all the time, and I feel horrible because I listen to her, but I can't say anything. Because if I say anything, I'll say something horrible, like about how she never understood my illness, and how frustrated and angry I am that she complains about it to me, because I KNOW what it's like to be sick and I'M sick of it.

    I just want to be normal. I want to be able to wake up in the morning and want to go to school, I want to be able to make it up three flights of stairs without nearly collapsing by the second. I want to be able to complain that I'm tired, and know that tomorrow, in a few days, next week, I'll be okay again.


    But I don't have that luxury. And I'm tired of people not understanding and I'm sick of them just telling me that they're sorry when they don't even know what they're apologizing for. I'm just plain tired of being sick. And it gets pointed out to me every single day.


    I want to be able to LIVE without worrying that I won't be able to accomplish what I want only because I'm being held back by my own body. I want this to be a phase...but it's just not.


    I feel like such a horrible person for thinking any of this.
  2. nerdieduckie

    nerdieduckie New Member

    Hey,

    I'm around your age and I understand completely how you feel. I don't even get to see my friends at school anymore, lol, but I did have one who had back problems last year, and we had competitions to see who could miss the most school. Now this year she's completely fine and I'm worse than I was.

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I have a friend who's doing the same thing to herself, and I keep warning her she'll end up like me, but we'll see, lol. It's hard when people don't realize what the person they're talking to is going through. I don't mean people should have to watch what they say, but it can be hard for us to hear someone say they're sick of being tired/sick.

    My whole life plan that I made out has basically been thrown out the window, and I'm having to start from scratch again. Not a day goes by that I wonder why me? why at my age? why at anyone's age?

    I don't think you're horrible for thinking any of this. I feel the same way. I'd love to go on shopathons like I used to. I barely made it through four stores today.

    I hope this post was some help to you, and I'm sorry if it didn't make much sense, am dealing with some brain fog over here, lol, but don't feel like a horrible person. Things happen for a reason and we wouldn't be human if we didn't want things to me normal :p
  3. enjoysue

    enjoysue New Member

    You are NOT a horrible person! If you are so am I. We have the right to get down from time to time. Today I'm feeling a bit better but for 2 solid months I had this horrible 10 pain in my ribs where I could hardly breathe and for the first time in my life I was crabby about it. My brother tore his muscle in his arm or something like that at work and he was told by one doc to let it heal some more and so he went to a different doc and he did surgery on him and I told my mom "gee, I wish I could have an operation to make my pain go away!" I was envious of him. I complained to my family and friends about my pain and I usually don't do that.
    Look to see if you have a window of opportunity to discuss your own health issues with your friend because now she will finally 'get it.' Did you touch her in any trigger point areas and ask her if it hurts? Maybe she has fibro too?
    So I think alot of us are alike in the fact that we think justlike you do at certain times. We just can't play the what if game. I think we will do emotionally better if we accept the cards we've been dealt with. We might not like the game but some days we do get dealt a better hand ;-) Hang in there!! Blessings, Sue
  4. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    I can SOOOOOOOO relate. I am talking about my BEST FRIEND here - so god forgive me...

    She always has this wrong and that wrong and says things like "YOu just don't understand how tired I am today" or "My muscles are throbbing, it hurts to even walk" and she is a BIG talker. HOnestly she must be on the phone all day talking about how she cannot keep up or get anything done. Duhhhhh.

    As soon as I answer the phone it is "Girl.... oh my god, you have NO IDEA, this is aching that is aching" I honestly and ready to blow my brains out. How could she say this to ME of all people. Not to throw my own pitty party, but I get sick of complaining and don't want to be a downer - but I can't get a word in edgewise and it is not like it is positive words she is saying. But the, "Girl you don't understand blah blah blah - this pain or that pain" is killing me.

    Then she tells me last week, before her 1 week trip to the Carribean, that she got all of her bloodwork back from her physical and I quote "Well, on paper I look so healthy, but god you don't understand how I have been feeling lately...." OMG!!!

    Bet you did not want to hear all of this and I feel ashamed of what I just wrote, but it feels good to let a little out. I would never want to hurt her, but do not know what to say. I cannot say - LOOK AT ME - IT COULD BE WORSE because I do not want to get in a pissing match over who is sicker.

    Anyway - thank you for listening - I will hit "reply" before the guilt talks me in to deleting this.

    I'm with you.
    HUgs:)
    Kim
  5. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

  6. Kimba4318

    Kimba4318 New Member

    I am really thinking about what to say. Same call this morning - I started a really bad flare yesterday (maybe do to this sinus infection) but have afever and my muscles are killing me and my one leg keeps givng out on me, I was up all night long, which as you know is NO GOOD for us FM'rs. So was feeling horrible.

    I get the call "Hey what are you up to" I start to say it was a really long night, lots of pain, etc..... then there she goes, cuts me off and says "There is really something wrong with me,,, and I did nt sleep well last night and my muscles hurt and god my feet are killing me and I am feeling Blah - no energy etc....." It went on and on and then finally asks me why I was up last night. At that point I just say, It was just a really bad pain night and left it at that. She dominates all of the conversations and I do not want to keep bringing up that I am so sick right now because I dont like to complain - but geeeez.

    She is supposed to be my best friend so I think I owe it to her and myself to say something soon - I just don't know what to say without being hurtful or ignore her problems. I know they are problems, but not the same - she cannot understand I guess.

    Sorry - more Ranting. Any suggestions on what to say? We are usually very open about everything, but this I guess.
    Hugs
    Kim
  7. dani78xo

    dani78xo New Member

    prickles,
    I AM always tempted to comment. I have to struggle to keep my mouth closed, because I want her to realize that, yes, I know what she's going through, but the only difference is I won't recover...and it really hurts when that's rubbed into your face.

    It just makes me ANGRY when people get mad when I can't go out with them, or cancel plans because I know I'll make myself sick if I go that night. It makes me so horribly frustrated that, just because i'm in school, even my BEST FRIENDS think i'm recovered. They don't get it. And they never will.

    And it just hurts, and it makes me feel horrible for feeling all of this but CHRONIC ILLNESSES DON'T GO AWAY. I cry all the time because I just want someone to understand, but there is NO one. A

    nd my friend doesn't even realize what she's doing when she complains about how she's feeling. She brushes any comment I make off, like it's OKAY for me to feel like crap all the time because it's NORMAL now, since it's not going to go away.

    nerdieduckie,
    There have been wayyy too many nights that I just broke down and wondered "why me?" It just seems so unfair, to be so young and plagued with this illness. And it just doesn't help when people don't REALIZE you're sick.

    kimba4318,
    i know exactly what you mean. Everytime I talk to my friend, now, it always starts with her complaining about how tired she is. And it is SO hard not to just...explode and tell her "yeah, I feel like that too, but worse, and unlike you I WON'T get better." It's so hard not to feel angry at her for her obliviousness.

    ANGELAG,
    I get that all the time. Last year, I missed out on my entire sophomore year of high school. For the entire year, up until school started last month, I did absolutely nothing. I could do nothing. Most of the time I had migraines, and other times I was just too tired to even go out to eat, or to one store. I've actually blown up at people who told me that I was lucky I didn't have to go to school. They just don't understand...
  8. chloeuk

    chloeuk New Member

    I doubt anyone who hasnt been chronically ill can understand how we feel..especially because they cant see what is wrong with us...in 2002 I developed a form of psoriasis that gives you hundreds of blisters on your hands and feet and ended up in a wheelchair and on methotrexate for 8 months and even then people didnt understand so what hope do we have if they cant see what is wrong with us.

    The scary thing is that we just dont know when this is going to end and even though my friends are kind and thoughtful they have no idea what it is like to be ill for a whole year and not being able to do normal things...thats what I crave the most "normal everyday things"

    Chloe
  9. dani78xo

    dani78xo New Member

    prickles,
    yeah that's pretty much what i do alot. i just kindof stare off into space while they rant about how sick they feel...i knwo that anything i say won't make them understand.

    even my friends who've been through this entire thing with me don't get it. they'll ask if i'm better one day, and i think they get that it varies, and i go through periods of basic houseriddenness, to being able to actually do stuff. but they still get offended when i tell them i can't do anything, even if we already made plans.

    and i've gotten that attitude thing a lot. my therapist actually keeps telling me that "it seems like you have a better attitude towards this whole thing, and its affecting you positively." maybe it is, but it still doesn't change the fact that some days i want to pull my hair out and curl up to sleep for the next five years.


    chloeuk,
    yeah, i know how you feel. people pretty much think that these illnesses aren't important. it's funny how people will sympathise with someone who's had mono for a month, but they don't care about people who have something WORSE than mono for the rest of their lives.

    i've had people complain that i'm not in school as much as i should be, and how mad they were that i could go to a one and a half hour movie (which is sitting the entire time) but couldn't go to school for seven hours. i just brush it off and don't say anything, but i don't stay friends with them either.

    it's been about a year for me, too, and it's been rough...but i think the worst part is definitely how much we're misunderstood.