Venting about parents who fail to supervise their children

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by TXFMmom, May 31, 2006.

  1. TXFMmom

    TXFMmom New Member

    I had to go to the doc yesterday, I have a small boil, STAPH, under my arm pit. Off to the doctors, I am exhausted from doctor visits.

    However, since I was out, I thought I would treat myself to lunch at a new PF Chung's China Bistro completed near my home.

    I did not arrive until after 1:00, so it had calmed a little.

    They seated me at a banquet, against the wall, where they had several two topper tables which could be reconfigured in various ways.

    I was eating my soup, when a child, which I would estimate was three to four, a little boy, began to pop up from behind a partial wall on my right side. I was in two tables from this partition, and he started screaming at me.

    I could hear what I thought was his mother and another female speaking on the other side, and they were totally ignoring this. Finally, I turned to the little boy and asked him to stop yelling at me.

    He disappeared for a moment, and I thought it might all be well. Then, I caught movement out of the right side, and BOOM, HE HAD THROWN A HEAVY DINNER FORK AT ME AND IT HIT ME ON THE RIGHT SIDE, AND GLANCED OFF MY GLASSES. He was laughing. It made me furious.

    I then, said to his mother over the partition. Madame, your son just hit me with a fork. She became indignant. SAid I was "rude." I said, well, I am not the one with the child screaming over partitions and I happen to value my eyesight. In truth, I should have gotten up and poured the soup over her head.

    Periodically, the kids head would pop up and I would flinch, thinking I was going to get hit again.

    Then, as the lunch arrived, so did screaming and wails from the other side. A group of what I presumed to be a mother, two girls, who appeared to be 10 and 12, a man who seemed to be Grandfather, the Grandmother on the end, and a young, college age male sitting against the banquette and on the end, had a young male, maybe five or six, who just went totally out of control.

    The college age guy and the Grandmother type person never, ever took any note whatsoever of the behavior. The mother spoke, almost timidly, once to tell the child to stop, and the grandfather looked at him and told him to stop once, but NOTHING CHANGED.

    This boy was charging and flopping on the little girls the way people jump onto the crowd at rock shows in the mosh pits, I think they call it body surfing.

    He was jumpng on the girls, screaming, pinching and smacking them. Finally, the girls started smacking and pinching back. YOU can imagine the noise.

    I ate as quickly as I could and just left. So much for a nice lunch.

    We have grandsons, ages 3 and 6, and we never, ever permit them to act like that. They are required to sit in their seats, leave other tables alone, and be quiet. If they become disruptive, we warn them, and if necessary, they are taken outside until they behave, or they go to the restroom, where we can admonish them without interupting the dining of others. Additionally, they are separated from one another. We never, ever place them alongside one another because mayhem always starts.

    I am no prig, BUT THIS STUFF IS OUT OF LINE.
  2. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    I understand how you felt, because I see it all the time now days. Parents not paying attention to their disobedient kids in a resturant or Church for that matter. When I was small and my brother would start a ruckus in a public place, we got talked to sternly by our parents and if that didn't work, we were removed from the situation. Now days, people are either afraid to discipline their children or they are just lazy.

    TxSongBird
  3. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I hear you!

    This really bothers me when we go out to eat

    My husband and I went out to eat at an expensive restaurant for our anniversary, and the dinner was totally ruined by a family with 5 kids that were totally out of control, screaming and yelling.

    We would NEVER act that way when we were kids, or it would be the LAST time we ever ate out
  4. texasmaia

    texasmaia New Member

    We were in a large truck stop in Amarillo eating in the restaurant one day. My twin boys were about 10 and daughter about 4. There was a big burly truck driver that kept staring at us the entire time we were there, making me feel very uneasy.

    The kids were laughing and we had a long wait for the meal. Everyone ate, but I still had this guy watching us. ughhh What were we doing??

    My husband paid the bill and I took the kids to the restroom before getting back in the car. We walked out to find this huge guy talking to my husband.

    I shriveled inside! I turned back and went to the gift shop where my husband found us.

    The 'big burly truck driver' told my husband that he had been driving coast to coast all his life. He said he couldn't count on one hand the times he had witnessed a family enjoy each others company so much and yet have such excellent public manners!

    I could not believe it! He thanked my husband for teaching his children to be respectful in a public setting.

    So....I share this to say to everyone else....when you witness a family who DOES make their children behave, thank them publicly. Not only does it mean the world to them, but you never know who all is listening around you.

    Maia
  5. kaiasmom

    kaiasmom New Member

    I have a seven & an eight year old. My seven year old boy has adhd & can be hard to control - but I DO IT. It makes me livid when I go out in public and other kids are climbing the walls and their parents are sitting there watching.

    In some cases, I am sure the parents are simply scared to take action. I have seen some of those timid type mothers you are speaking of, that just slump down in their seats quietly as their terror child rips apart all of the napkins in the dispenser while yelling obsenities at everyone that passes by. The look on her face gives it all away. The backlash that would occur should she even look at him funny is not even worth it to her.

    I would hate to try to raise a child that way, or multiple children especially. But, that is why I don't. And, it is getting worse & worse. I know I have said before in posts that I am old fashioned, and here it comes out again. I also raise my children that way.

    But, I think, once again, it is the "better" way. They don't get every little thing their hearts desire, but that also means they don't throw screaming fits on the floor of Wal-Mart when I say no, you can't have that. So, it all works out in the end.

    Sorry, I read this one & just had to jump in, because I also feel so strongly about this subject. These parents are doing their children such a diservice & they have no idea. Those kids will grow up to be adults that think they can behave any way they want to, any place they want to.

    Think about that person checking out at the store, eating in a restaurant or in the movie theater - talking on their cell phone.......

    Leanne
  6. I would have moved! My bil and his wife always took his kids out to eat and they were monsters running around the restaurant and screaming. He never made them mind! We quit going out with them! So I know what your talking about, its unreal how some parents ignore their kids out in public, just imagine how they act at home!
  7. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member

    Txfmmom:

    What a terrible situation. Next time ask for the manager and get a new table. It probably got too out of hand at that point since your dinner already came. Jeesh...you can not even treat yourself to a nice lunch (We have a P.F.Changs: delicious). So sorry, but treat yourself to something else. Why should you be deprived of feeling good becuase of a few brats.

    nyrofan

  8. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    I just came home from the mall; had the same experience you describe in the food court. The little girl was bananas - climbing on the tables, shrieking, singing at the top of her lungs. The father just sat there, every now and then he would mutter, "now now, calm down" but she got wilder. She was still going at it when I left. I felt like smacking the kid right across the face. I am a patient person but I have had a long day and I was just beat.

    My kids always behaved better than that, even the one with Asperger's, and when she did get out of control I always had a plan to remove her quickly.

    The story about the truck driver reminded me we did get a compliment once about our kids in a restaurant too. I felt so proud.

    You are right, parents are afraid to discipline because of the backlash. Kids have the parents whipped and wrapped right around their little finger. We have a friend who's son was denied a trip to Burger King, and he threw a tantrum in the parking lot, threw himself down on the ground kicking and screaming. Guess what? He is 16 years old. He has done this all his life and it gets him what he wants. It is learned behavior. It is sad.

    Michelle
  9. BlueSky555

    BlueSky555 New Member

    Unfortunately, a lot of couples have children ...........................period.

    What else can I say? Oh, they let the children do anything they desire, JUST so the parents can enjoy life.

    TXfmom, I'm sorry you had such a bad experience but it is getting worse now. I honestly think the parents think the "teachers" will do their job of discipling their children. Have you watched children at an "all you can eat buffet"?

    It's not everyone but seems to be a lot out there; I know of some in my own family but what can you say?

    Hope you will have a better experience the next time.

    BlueSky555
  10. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    It is discouraging. I am pretty strict like my father was with me. Two hugs for every correction, though! My kids mostly behave very well, and it is hard to raise your child this way when they see other children misbehaving and getting away with it.

    I as a parent have to explain this to them. Isn't that absurd?! I really dislike bad behavior, although nobody is perfect, but you can easily tell if someone is trying to do the right thing.

    Sometimes I can't hold my horses if I notice parents who ignore their childrens ill behavior. I will snap and correct the children myself, depending on the situation of course. This can leave the parents embarrassed, so far noone jumped me for it.

    My mom says the way I look when I get upset is not to play with, maybe the only thing that saved my behind when the parents overheard me, who knows?

    Anywho, I think the most effective thing would be to tell the staff. It is not so sweet if a staff person come and tell you that you have to handle your children if you're going to eat at their restaurant,,

  11. maddie807

    maddie807 New Member

    I do agree that children should act a certain way not only in public places but at home as well. My daughter is turning 4 and has been out of control since she was born. A very cranky fussy infant with numerous health problems and now an out of control toddler. Since she was a born we have tried to work on her behavior and at a cetain age started the time outs and reprimands. We have tried taking toys away as well. Nothing ever worked. Now, after 3 years of complaining to the docotrs about how disruptive and out of control she is getting in every passing day, and going to numerous doctors, she was finally diagnosed as High Functioning autistic as well as ADHD, ADD and possably early onset bipolar. Well, my husband and I have struggled with her behavior as well as rude and nasty comments from strangers, and the bottom line is, she is disabled. Mind you, we never bring her to fancy restaurants or to a restaurant after 5 PM and would definatly remove her if she was trying to hit or hurt someone else. However, she looks perfectly normal and it makes it worse since her behavior is so inappropriate that people don't understand. That is one big problem with HIgh Functioning Autisic kids, they look normal and act infantile and VERY innapropriate. I have had people in Mc Donalds tell me to smack her. Well, my opinion is that we basically bring her to kids places and if people can't understand that not everyone is the same and as we all know some people can look totally normal and have a huge disability. I am only replying to this post because I know alot of other mothers in the same situation as me with children with the same disorder who are viewed as bad parents, when in fact, it is our childrens disabilty. Autistic Spectrum disorders effect 1 in every 166 children. I am not saying this is the case for all children by any means, I am just saying that sometimes it is not bad or lazy parenting. I can't just cage my daughter up and hide her from the world, I try and work with her in public places and hope that over time some of the behaviors will diminish, because she has just as much right as anyone else to be in a public place. I know as well as many others on this board how a disability can be invisable, because I look perfectly normal and have suffered with CFS and Fibromyalgia for 6 years now. Unfortanelty I habe had many stares and comments made to me regarding my daughters behavior. When ever anyone says "She needs a good smack" I ask if they think it okay to hit a disabled chld? Most feel bad about the comments they made. I know I work hard every day to try and keep my daughter inline, but sometimes she just has a melt down and some days are better than others. I just wanted to make you all aware of other invisable illesses like our own and let you know that we as parents already feel bad enough about our kids behavior. I too before I had my daughter and she had this disability would see a child act up or behave so awefull, I thought what bad parents, now that I have a child like this. I feel bad and think back and wonder if their children were actually disabled. Don't get me wrong, I have known certain people who have very bad behaving children and that there is no excuse. I guess the bottom line is, there is really no way to tell the difference between some really bad behaving children and others with invisable illnesses such as Autism. By the way, my duaghter speaks fine and is very intelligent. Most people don't know that their are MANY high functioning Autistic children who "APPEAR" very normal on the outside. I just don't think evry parent should get a bad rap.
  12. mary124

    mary124 New Member

    Unfortunately, most are like that! Mine, however, were not, as they knew better. In fact, I was always received compliments on how well behave my kids were when we went out to eat. They just knew better.
  13. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    I understand you meant mainstream situations. That's what I meant too, just to clarify.

    That is why I said "depending on the situation". I worked with handicapped children and can tell the difference between ill behavior and a handicapped child.

    Many hugs and blessings!
    [This Message was Edited on 06/01/2006]
  14. BlueSky555

    BlueSky555 New Member

    I too, am so sorry and apologize if I offened you in any way. You are so right about CFS and FM. You can't see it but it's there. As sweetpotatoe stated, I was talking about the mainstream situations.

    Again, I do apologize.

    BlueSky555
  15. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    I have three grandchildren (from my stepchildren) who do not behave according to the standards I learned.
    I agree with the person who said that alot of people do not discipline children and leave it to the teachers. I am one of those teachers. I have high school aged students at a discipline based campus and for the most part they are sweet kids who are inept socially.
    I also have sweet kids who are ADD and ADHD toward the end of the year. I expect their teachers are tired of them. They usually do well in my class because it is very structured. Alot of my students say they make better grades at DAEP than at their home campus because I help them individually.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/01/2006]
  16. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    When my children were 5,3,18 months my husband and I with my parents went out to eat at a steak house.I noticed a man and his wife watching my children .
    They were eating and once in a while would say something to one of us.

    At the end of their meal they came by our table and were so nice and complimented my children over and over because they were being so good.

    That also made all of us proud.My sons understood that the man thought they were really being good children and I think after that every time we'd eat out they would be really good kids.They at times would even say ,"we are being good aren't we mom."

    So I agree brag on children whenever they are behaving well.
    We were not just lucky with our children we set an example.
    Its sad but a child's actions can sometimes tell you a lot about the type of people his parents are.(no I do not always blame parents but at this age ,I blame the parent more then the child)

    Since I have had these DD's I can not deal with things like you went threw with that child.I need quite no screaming.
    I think I would have probably lost it and ask that THEY be ask to leave.
    What happen to the nice little places where you can relax and enjoy a lunch or dinner in peace?
  17. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    All this talk about parents with children in restaurants reminds me of a time years ago when my husband and I went out to a very nice restaurant. A young family came in and sat at the table next to us. Family consisted of mother, father, 2 young children (maybe 5 and 7 years old) and a baby (approx. 1 year old). The children were well behaved.

    The thing that just blew me away was the fact that the mother took the baby, layed her down on the floor and proceeded to change the baby's diaper right there next to us, without a word to us. And the baby had a bowel movement. Talk about GROSS!!!! How would you like to be tucking into a nice steak dinner and the next thing you get is an odor coming in your direction that makes you want to barf!! EWWW, I could not believe it!!

    That was back in the day when I was too shy to speak up.

    People will do the strangest things.

    Lola
  18. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    I have 3 children and they would NEVER EVER act like that. I would have been much more vocal and more rude then you were.

    I have taught my children how to act towards others. I feel it is so important to have them realize other people are around and we need to respect them.

    Tracy
  19. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    I am a firm believer in getting kids out and socialized at a young age. My husband and I would go to dinner, go to the movies, etc. with our oldest from infancy. We're always very aware of others around us and if things get out of hand we'll pack up and leave rather than forcing the people around us to "endure".

    Same thing with #2. I believe in consequences for misbehaviour and consistent adherence to this has had my friends asking me for my "secret".

    I tell them that parents have to be parents first, not your kid's best friend, sidekick or confidante. Where has this gotten us? We have a generation of kids that have no concept of limitations, responsibility or accountability.

    I think you also have to pick your battles. As parents, we don't sweat the small stuff. My kids don't have to be perfect - that goes a long way to get cooperation when it comes to the "bigger stuff".

    I loathe speaking on the phone with my sister, because 80 percent of every conversation is "Don't do this , don't do that" type of threats with no follow-through.

    The funny thing is that I was the "rebel" growing up and she was the "goody two shoes".

    The highest compliment we got was last year while on vacation - hubbys sister and her boyfriend who are confirmed
    "DINKS" told us they could not believe how well mannered our kids were.

    My husband grew up with "The Claw" - his mother would reach right around into the back seat and pinch them on the knee or on the arm - bring it up and they all look at each other and shudder to this day...LOL! but it worked.

    We do most discipline with time outs or loss of privleges and this works most of the time. Judicious use of a fanny swat will work wonders in the very rare instance where "modern" discipline fails.

    I would have been horrified - I would have apologized profusely, paid for your meal that my child spoiled and would have made my child apologize to you. But my kids would have been removed long before fork-throwing took place for sure!!

    I don't think it is a crime against nature to demand manners from our kids. Of course, some kids have other issues, and of course, there are times when nothing is going to work - then it's time to go. But I am convinced that the more practice kids get with behavior and accountability, the easier things go.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie

  20. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Well said. I believe it is important if we truly care about our kids. Imagine as adults how much trouble they will have adapting to the rules of society and workplace if they don't learn "the rules". And how many people would like to hang around an iconsiderate adult?

    Failure in many areas may soon follow for the young adult, ruined relationships, maybe with a spouse, at odds with bosses, or may they all be ex-bosses? Anyway, it is out of care that we should teach them manners.