venting... I love my job but I feel so much better when I'm home!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BethM, Jan 16, 2003.

  1. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Even with the stress of my father's illness and passing in December, I felt better off work then, than I do now. I've been back to work 4 days now, and the fibro ache is back in full force. I don't know if it's the commute, or being here, or getting up at 5:00 in the morning, but I don't like this at all. I have to work, at least until the kids are out of school, and probably after that, too. I earn about twice what my darling spouse earns, always have. We live simply, don't spend a lot (except on kids!)and we need my income. Thank God I work in education and can look forward to breaks in the schedule. I'm thinking that if it gets too bad maybe I could work something out to job share, and work 2/3 time, or something. It's hard to do that in my profession, but it has been done. I just need to keep my benefits, as my darling's job offers awful health benefits.

    Anyway, I know no one here has any miracle answers, I think I just need sympathetic ears and shoulders. I'm so weary of fighting this DD. I think I need to find another angle to try, to feel better. (Like actually USING my treadmill...)

    Kvetching,
    Beth.
  2. starstella

    starstella New Member

    Are you feeling any better? When I read your post I could really relate. Each day when it is time to get up and start another day I have such a mental as well as physical struggle. I wish I could just stay home, but am determined to keep working so that I can finish getting my children ready for their adult lives. Like you, I have a higher salary than my husband so I feel a sense of financial responsibility. Luckily, I love my job also and try to get myself involved in my work because it distracts me from my pain. But when I get home, I can't wait until it is time for sleep. And then I can never be sure how well I will sleep at night. Some nights I wake up repeatedly, so there is always some stress when I go to bed regarding how good my night is going to be. I always do best emotionally when I feel that I have some hope for feeling better. Right now I have none. My only idea at this point to pull me out of this hole is to try some supplements from this website and hook my hopes for some improvement on that. I guess we can be thankful that we can still work, that our jobs so not place the physical stressors on us like other jobs could. I'm sure your personal life is influencing your feelings, and you need to give yourself some time. Warmer weather would help also. Tonight it is 7 degrees. Much too cold for me. Rest as much as you can, do something that you enjoy, and hang in there.
    Connie
  3. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    Hi Beth! I know how you feel. I just returned to work after 7 weeks home recuperating from a hysterectomy. I got a little stir-crazy being home and wanted to go back to work. Now that I'm doing it, I'm exhausted! I guess there is no miracle answer, is there? I'm just waiting for the warmer and sunnier weather. Maybe that will help.

    Annette2
  4. Pinky

    Pinky New Member

    I too feel better on Sundays when i have been off work for the weekend, but then it is back to it on Monday morning. Monday night i am in such pain and so exhausted i have a very hard time making it thru the rest of the week. It is a vicious circle, a merry go round and i can't get off! It is no way to live! I like my job and I am afraid if i didn't work i would be more depressed, but I work in preschool, it is very stressful and i am constantly on the go with 3-4 year old children for 6-8 hours a day. And I have to work! And working with children is all i have ever done and all I really know. To quit my job would put us in such a financial mess, as my husband is sick as well, that me staying home is not even an option. When I do get home from work I can do nothing- cooking, eating and even taking a shower is horrible. I don't eat good, my house is a mess and some days I feel as if i am going crazy. I get to bed and can't sleep and wake up the next morning to do it all over again! I don't make much money but what I do make I need. I too am so weary of fighting this DD.
    Debbie
  5. dolsgirl

    dolsgirl New Member

    Beth, I work simply because I have to. Since relocating to the great northwest to avoid New England winters (in just a nick of time), my hubby hasn't found a job yet. The market it tight here. I'm lucky enough to be in the medical field, so I can get a job anywhere. Unfortunately, it's very painful to work. I don't see an end in sight for me either though as I've been the breadwinner for years also. That doesn't bother me, but I just wish I didn't have to work or could do a half job share type of thing. dolsgirl
  6. SuzieQ

    SuzieQ New Member

    I don't know how much more of my job I can take. I'm an RN on a very busy cardiac floor and we are known for our heart center so we have a never ending influx of patients. I love working with the patients and have avoided leaving floor work, but I now know I can't keep doing it..just can't find any desk job right now. I injured my back on christmas and am trying to get it back to my normal backache. The employee health nurse was very rude, stating it was pre existing because there were degenerative changes on my x ray...this was the first I knew of this..just loved her sympathy. Kept trying to tell her this wasn't my usual pain..think it's a disc..left buttock and thigh really hurt with bending, too much standing, sitting, or walking. Luckily, the Dr I finally got sent to was more sympathetic and ordered an mri..still waiting for results..and he put me on stricter restrictions than the know it all nurse did. I'm just so frustrated because even on light duty I am in pain...don't know if a desk job will help at all. Would just love to find the cure to all this pain. My house is never neat..and I still have the blasted christmas tree up, because my back hurts too much to get it down. Sorry for the rambling, but people on here are the only ones who really understand...
  7. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    Are you in a public school system? Do check into job sharing....I moved from CA to KS. Wasn't working, but as a parent volunteered a lot in both state's schools, and in both places, I knew several cases of sharing a teaching position. So it definitely can be done; and many school systems preserve benefits as long as you work at least 20 hours a week. This would at least be worth checking into, if things get too difficult.

    Good luck, I know how tough it can be. As you said, at least in education, you get little breaks to look forward to, but I know there's a lot of prep work involved outside of the school day, too, that is also a strain..

    Take care,
    Pam
  8. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Interesting that so many of us are in health care and child care fields of work. Thank you all for your responses. If there is an answer, I'm sure whoever finds it will share it. A cure, maybe? We can hope...

    I am a school nurse, and am fortunate enough to have found a district where I have ONE school instead of the 7 I was responsible for in my previous job. High school is demanding work, the kids need a lot of attention, but I do enjoy them. Job sharing is possible, there are precedents, and I think I am valuable enough to the administration that they would work with me. Not yet, though. I'm not ready to admit to that drastic a change, not ready to admit that much defeat.

    I live in California, and our dear governor has proposed a budget to cover the crisis he created last year with our energy/electricity debacle. The budget cuts $1.5 Billion from the K-12 education budget, and dramatically increases costs for community college and state universities. So, if it passes, there goes any hope for a raise next year, and we will be paying more for the kids' tuition! So no, I can't decrease my income right now. I didn't vote for the man, by the way... California used to be a pro education state. Not any more.

    Enough. I am sending warm sunshine to those of you in the Eastern states. Winter seems to have deserted us here! I actually have clothes hanging on the line outside in the warm bright sunshine. Amazing, but I am enjoying it. We'll get winter back with a vengence soon, I'm sure.

    Peace and hopes for a kindly week,
    Beth.
  9. pearls

    pearls New Member

    All of you could have been writing your stories for me! If only I could get out of this trap, I KNOW I'd feel better - because every time I'm off work for awhile I DO feel better. I certainly felt better last summer. I'm also a California teacher and things are, indeed, looking bleak in education in this state. For the past five and a half years our district has been expecting more from us each year - and at least at my grade level (4th) - there has been no respite at all.

    This year we were greeted the news we would all stay an extra 45 minutes per day (tuturing and attending meetings), which is not in accordance with our contract. In addition, my recess duty schedule changed from something like one week on and two weeks off to four weeks on and one week off! Of course, paperwork keeps growing. We've just been informally released from the 45 extra minutes demand, but that's all. (The powers-that-be must have been talking to a lawyer.) I can tell you that this extra work has taken its toll on me. I just keep telling myself that I've done this before (two years ago) and if I just keep going one day at a time, maybe I'll make it until summer.

    By the way, I'd love to share a job with another teacher, but unless things have changed, my retirement will be based for the rest of my life on my last three years of teaching. Sharing a job would cut into my retirement considerably. My husband and I will retire soon, but not soon enough for me! In addition, in my school district I would lose all my benefits.

    I just asked my pain doctor about disability. He said he has helped several teachers with disability, but I would have to be a lot sicker first. A lot sicker?! Does my health have to be completely broken before I can get the help that would prevent that?! And here's the other worry: if I don't quit work, can fibromyalgia get so bad that I won't be able to get it back to a manageable condition? Will it get so bad I can't come back?!

    My heart goes out to those of you who are younger and have so many responsibilities.

    -Pearl
    [This Message was Edited on 01/19/2003]
  10. pearls

    pearls New Member

    I didn't vote for that jerk, either!

    -Pearl
  11. BethM

    BethM New Member

    Is your district union? If it is, I'm amazed that the mandatory 45 minutes beyond contract hours was even allowed to be presented! Not that any of us actually work the contract hours. I know I don't, but I wouldn't want to be told I HAD to stay that extra time. It's my choice to do so. I am fortunate to work in a district with a very strong union voice, and we are well protected. But the budget cuts are beyond even the power of the union.

    By the way, I didn't notice any salary reduction for state officials listed in the budget cuts!!!

    Our union president recently attended, along with our nursing team, a seminar on school nurses and liability. It opened her eyes and she is now placing us as a high priority. Hope that helps us.

    I've thought about the problem of retirement pay based on the last 3 years of employment also. However, I think I read something recently about that being changed??? Not sure.

    Rest, take care of yourself, do what you can. If you continue to do the impossible, that is what they will continue to expect! So don't do that anymore.

    Peace,
    Beth.