very bad day

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by chp1298, Sep 22, 2005.

  1. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    Yesterday was the worst day I have had in a long time. I lost it and almost feel like I had a nervous breakdwon. I left work early bec I was not feeeling well(had a nerve blck in back day b4 and I am very sore). Went home and here comes my dad(he has been having mini strokes and isnt himself) but he said some very hurtful things and as hard as I tried ,I couldnt help from being very upset. After he lft I started to cry and I cried for 8 hours. I couldnt stop. I feel so alone. I hurt all over, I have to support my family and do everything at home and no body understands. I think if my other family members hurt this much they would be in the hospital. I slept so so and on the way to work this am started crying again. I sit in my cube and hope no one notices my swollen eyes. My head is pounding and I dont even want to go home at the end of this day.
    I am sorry to vent and be so depressing but this board is the only lifeline i have. No one I know understands this disease . They cant see my pain so I dont think they take it seriously.

    post edited for content
  2. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I'm so sorry you've been having such a sad and frustrating time. Please, please, don't give up.
    Remeber that we here on the board understand. Ånd, while we can't actually be there wih you, our love and strength are.
    I don't know what to say, except that my understanding and prayers are there with you. These things frequently come in waves. Things will get better. Until then, we are here.
    Big hugs,
  3. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    I'm sorry that you are having "one of those days". I have those when it gets closer to that time of the month. Maybe sometime today or tonight try to get some fresh air, it really helps me to just get outside (by myself) to think. Find something positive - I know how hard it is but it may help.

    I wish you well today!
  4. KJ2003

    KJ2003 New Member

    We have all been where you are now and my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you are feeling and carrying the weight of the world on you and I pray it lifts very, very soon.

    I know it is hard but PLEASE try to not let what ANYONE says negatively to you affect you because they usually, whether they know it or not, aren't upset with you as they are themselves. Sometimes, you have to snap them back in their place. I assure you, if you do, they will be less likely to repeat their behavior.

    I hope you have a job where you have the weekends off. This will, hopefully, give you a chance to get some rest and recoup and rest is the best thing you can do for your pain. It's the one natural healer that continues to work.

    Blessings to you. Many, many blessings. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. May the light shine on your path again very soon.

    Chin up,


    P.S. And, yes, our children really do keep us going when everything in us wants to give up. I can relate.
  5. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    Thanks for 2 for your kind replies. I am trying but it is so hard.
  6. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Hi, I just read your post, and then your bio. If you
    have 2 grown kids at home, you should not be doing
    everything for them, they should be helping you!

    I'm so sorry you're going through all this. With your
    father, too. That is all so overwhelming.

    I've heard other people complain about having no support
    from their loved ones (who aren't being so loving).

    I'll bet you get a lot of suggestions here about how to show
    them how sick you are!

    I wish I had something wise to say, but just wanted to
    write anyhow. It's good you broke down in a way, because
    you're reaching out for change and answers.

    My thoughts and hopes will be with you today.
  7. elsa

    elsa New Member

    I don't have any words of wisdom for you, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am that youfeel so bad.

    Maybe all those hours of crying got alot of the stress out of your system? It sounds like you are the "glue" in your family and you just needed to let go of all the emotion.

    I'll be thinking of you. Please take care and hold on. It will get better.

    Maybe after work you can sneak a quite moment with the curtains drawn and some ice over those cried-out eyes. Put on some soothing music and take care of you?

    Take care,

  8. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    It is so good to my heart to hear these kind words of encouragement. I dont get them anywhere but here. I know I need to see a phychologist or someone but I dont have the time to takeoff from work. I know I need someone to talk to and this board is the only outlet I have. At home my family is really not bad people but my husband is sick and disbales, me dad has had major heart surgery and is having the mini strokes ,my daughter is having issues and I just feel like I have all I can take and then some.
  9. SoxFan

    SoxFan New Member

    I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. Take things as easy as possible this weekend. Do something nice for yourself.

    We all care, and we understand how difficult it is just to get through the day sometimes. I hope that helps.
  10. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    My daughter has taken a job about a 150 miles away and we have to help her move this weekend.
  11. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    ...not alone. We truly understand. It is very hard to find friends and family who can even slightly comprehend the physical and emotional pain we are in. It is very sad since they, of all people, should know us...they're are family...our friends.

    Sometimes I want to slap every single one of my friends and family to get them to really see me. "Hey, it's ME. Can't you SEE me? I'm right HERE. I need you to hold my hand so I don't disappear."

    Dearest (((((( CHP )))))), we know how frustrating it is and we are standing right here with you holding your hand and hugging your heart.
    You are very special to us. I think it is safe for me to say that ALL of us wish with all our might that you could be free of us and not be part of this group because that would mean you didn't have chronic pain and exhaustion anymore. But you do suffer with this awful pain so ALL of us are so grateful that you ARE HERE standing right in the center of us as we stand with you. When you feel yourself starting to sag under the burden of pain lean on us, we'll hold you up so you can let the frustration out of your heart. We'll help you regain your strength and resolve so you can continue on. We need you very much to be here. We need YOUR strength and YOUR support when we sag under this awful pain. I am new but from what I read you have never let your friends here down and we wont let you down. It'understandable to have suicide thoughts. It's the physical pain that is prompting those emotional thoughts because you're tired. You're not alone. We understand. We cannot allow those feelings to seep into our minds and stay. They cause only more stress and all kinds of confusion. They take up space in our hearts that we need to fill up with hope and good feelings and strength and endurance and love. So, please CHP, right now I want you to give your mind a strong shake and loosen that desperate gunk of frustration and let your heart sweep it away so they blow away in the wind. We will fill up the empty space with our love and understanding and good energy.

    Take very gentle care of your sweet heart. It is special and dear to us.
    Loving heart hugs,
    [This Message was Edited on 09/23/2005]
  12. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    It is doing my heart so much good to read these responses. Thank you
  13. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    and it continues. I am so sorry for all your pain and for the lack of support you have at home. In fact, it seems like some are going out of their way to hurt you more.

    I wish I had an answer or the power to just make a comfortable spot for you to rest and not be interrupted. Have you thought about sleeping for a night in a motel? I don't know if that's possible, but if it is, you might consider it.

    I will be thinkg and praying for you today. Please be concered with yourself today.

    Keep us informed...we do care and want to help...


  14. Dee50

    Dee50 New Member

    Please REST :)
    Take care of your body its the only one you have and it needs you to love it right now.
    Bed REST and DRINK lots of water.
    Please know that we care and understand.
  15. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    You are so right in so many ways. First of all, it is great that you understand that your dad isn't himself- of course, you have the unfortunate perspective of understanding illness and pain to help you! Please go easy on yourself even when others don't... you DO know how bad you hurt and you DO understand that even on your best days sometimes, you have pain that many others would not be able to bear. Allow yourself to feel strong and be proud for your accomplishments... especially the self-protective ones!

    Forgiveness is healing as well... I know that many people do not understand, but I would never wish first-person understanding on anyone! Let them live in their ignorance and know that you are a strong person for letting it "roll off your back". Believe me, that takes Herculean strength sometimes! People can be crude. Of course, when the need arises, do defend your right to protect your own well-being.

    I would suggest looking into a more supportive environment as far as work is concerned- can you not afford time off, or is there no more available sick time; you may qualify for FMLA. Not sure of your situation (I couldn't access your bio), but I just thought I'd mention it. It is obvious that working is compounding some of your issues.

    Finally- KNOW that there are people who understand and support you. Vow to recognize them when they cross your path- you would be surprised sometimes at who your allies are!

    Well wishes and prayers for peace,
  16. chp1298

    chp1298 New Member

    I will be leaving work soon and just wanted to say thanks and hugs to all who have supported me today. Being able to read these words of encouragement have helped me throughout the day. I am not particularly looking forward to going home becasue I have much to do with moving my daughter and the normal household things but I must. Thanks again