Very sick and equally upset with hubby.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KarenL47520, Apr 4, 2003.

  1. KarenL47520

    KarenL47520 New Member

    I have been feeling horrible this week. Went to the doc last week and he said I had bronchitis. No big surprise, I have this a few times a year and can generally silf-diagnoise myself. Within a couple of days of starting the antibiotic, I went into thrush mouth. OH MY GOD, thrush mouth is absolutely horrid. Stopped the antibiotics, went back to doctor and nurse practioner put me on Diflucan and a swish and swallow stuff, had to swallow the stuff because I had it going down my throat. Horrible tasting stuff. I felt really bad all day yesterday, did not work, overslept and John was late for work. I told him I am sick, you are gonna have to get your own self off to work; I didn't get up with him as I normally do. Slept most of the day yesterday, yesterday evening, and all night until about 8 this morning. I knew when I got up this morning I was really sick. John is down on hours and has not been working the past several Fridays. I let him sleep until about 10 AM, actually that is when I let the ferrets out and they got in bed with him and began wrestling and that is what woke him up. I had uncovered my birds in my office and they were screaming like mad this morning. I asked him to recover them, maybe that would shut them up. He goes off on me. Whatever it was at the time he was holding, he threw it, and informed me why didn't I get off my LAZY A$$ and do it myself. He then goes on to tell me, there is nothing wrong with me, and being in the medical field, doing transcription, I get whatever the person has that I am transcribing which is totally off the wall, I do all operative reports. He said I read up on all this stuff and then get whatever I am researching. Anywho, he had to go to the landfill this morning to do a garbage run, get rid of a months' worth of our garbage. He then tells me he might be back after he goes there, he might be back tomorrow, he might never come back. And then he used one of quotes on me. I had apologized a number of times to him for me being sick which I guess when you stop to think of it is pretty stupid, it is not like I asked for this. And his parting shot to me when he left was "you are right, I didn't sign on for this" and he left. I had already called my family doc to see if I could get in to see him and I had an appointment for 2 PM. I hadn't even had a chance to tell John, he was too busy yelling at me. I saw my doc this afternoon, which John insisted on taking me which is a pretty good thing I guess, my driving is getting very bad. They weighed me as usual before seeing the doc and apparently I had dropped several pounds since I was there 3 days ago. Doc tells me he thinks I have pneumonia; not viral but bacterial pneumonia and sends me up to hospital for chest x-ray and depending on how bad the x-ray is, whether he would admit me to hospital. (I saw the diagnosis on my charge sheet, DIAGNOIS: PNEUMONIA) This evening we were forcasted for some really bad thunder storms, possible tornados, heard civil defense go off in town which it doesn't go off unless one has actually been sighted. I noticed one of the younger cats was not inside. I asked John if he had seen Normy and he said no. He asked me if I had let him out and I said yes earlier in the afternoon. He gets the light and goes outside looking for Normy. He looks for a good while and then comes back in and informs me I am not responsible enough to have pets, we should get rid of every one so they would have a better home because I am too irresponsible to have a pet. I am sorry I forgot to get Normy back in but I have been too dam busy trying to breath all day. I am really upset with John about all this. Until recently he has been very supportive. I don't know where this behavior is coming from. My sister and my mom have pretty much disowned me; according to them I am strung out on prescription pain pills and they want nothing further to do with me until I "clean up my act" as my big sister put it. I am feeling extremely hurt and alone right now in all this. My work is suffering big time but I am afraid to let them know I have this dam disease. Supervisor chewed me out the other day about my work. She said I will be going along just fine, reports look beautiful, and then boom she said it is like I go to sleep in the middle of the report. I know what this is, the dam fog that takes over. Money is extremely tight, I need my job, I need every line I can come up with; I get paid production, no hourly rate. It hurts so much for the people you love most to say they don't believe you. I am so upset with John righ now. It is going on 2:30 in the AM and here I am on the computer. When he went to bed earlier, he informed me he was going to bed, did not even go near me or kiss me good night, nothing. Is that what happens to us?? The people we count on the most for love, understanding, and support, is that what happens, they pull the rug right out from under you?? What happened, where did the love and support go to?? Anyone else experiencing this?? I can tell you, it hurts to the bone. Not only am I sick with the Fibro, but also sick with pneumonia, and now John is acting like a jerk about it all. I will once more appologize to him, to my family, and to the rest of the dam world, I did not ask for this, would give anything to get rid of it. Except for you guys, I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. Only those of us actually going through this hell understands what it is like. Sorry for being so long and rambling. Feeling extremly hurt right now. I had 2 abusive marriages, but I won't have another one. Emotional abuse is just as painful as physical abuse.
  2. Fibromiester

    Fibromiester New Member

    I was at my One and Only Friend's home today,until dinnertime, after a GYN appt at 9:00 am...
    I was leaving home this morning at 7:45 to get out into rush hour traffic, and get downtown for an Appt. I had asked hubby at 7:15- I need 2 checks. "OK". Snore. I got ready to leave. I passed through the room and into the kitchen and said "2 Checks!" Why are you leaving Now? Why 2 checks? Blah Blah??? So he sent me away with ONE signed check, and no gas money, Tank on Empty!
    And Here I sit at computer @, and my only friends in the world at 4 in the morning!....
    My Best friend told me to LEAVE him. Yes, I Probably have an Emotionally-Abusive Marriage. 32 yrs. together! What do I do NOW??? HE CONTROLS all moneys.All checkbooks,credit cards,everything is in his name, because every time I bounce a check-He says: Ah HAH YOU Can't Handle Money!! Now We're in Debt and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!!
    So tonight I went in, like you Karen, and told him I was SORRY for going to the Dr again,(Hey-Karen- Dr. said I had a major Fungal Infection!!{thrush,etc} )
    WHY DO WE Apologize to these guys who come out of the blue & say it's all in our heads?? {mine has said I get on the web, see a disease, and adopt it}
    There must be a place for US, SOMEWHERE,over the Rainbow? Bluebirds still do fly...
    I am So Frustrated and feel so helpless and out of touch with my own personal knowledge-that I should have of MY rights, my ownership of things...what would happen if I did get Mad & Leave!!!???????? Why have I let Him have such Control over our Money Matters-even if I DO let him pay all the bills, etc. I can't go ask OUR attourney, can I? After all, my Hubby is the one who pays the bill! Oh, LOL
    Come Monday, I'm Hitting The Phone Lines!!!!
    Hang in there, Kiddo!
  3. catgal

    catgal New Member

    called "Man Troubles". I have been down with pneumonia, plursy, and bronchitis last week and this week which threw my FM/CFS, arthritis, asthma, and back problems all into flare.

    My usually supportive, loving, affectionate mate turned on me out of the blue just like yours did. I didn't know what the hell had happened, and I felt so hurt, abandoned, and bewildered.....not to mention sick as a dog.

    My doctor wanted to put me in the hospital, but I have no insurance. Plus, I work and am the only therapist at the Program--so when I am gone it leaves a big hole that no one else is qualified to fill. And, because I only work part time--3 days a week--I don't get any benefits, sick leave, etc. So, if I don't work--I don't get paid.

    But last week I was so ill that when I drug myself out of bed to take a shower and try to go to work--I fainted in the shower and hit my head on the tub. Meanwhile, my man was being all pissy, hateful, and fed up. In the six years we've been together, he has never treated me like that. But then, he has been under severe financial stress (we are not married), had his car repossessed, and is in the process of filiing for bankruptcy. But, after I fainted in the shower and hit my head on the tub--I knew I was too sick to go to work--and as badly as we needed the money--I didn't go to work last week. I just laid in bed suffering, crying, and feeling so hurt and abandoned because of Pat's unexpected, nasty attitude.

    This week, I had my follow-up appointment with my doctor, and I wasn't responding to the antibiotics nor getting better. He said my pneumonia and asthma were "out of control", and it was essential I go into the hospital. Again, I said no because I had no insurance and just could not afford a big hospital bill. So, he loaded me up with stronger antibiotics, other drugs, and arranged for home treatments 4x's a day. But, since I had missed work all last week, I HAD to go to work this week or no paycheck at all. I have worked there 10 years and get along very well with the staff, so my coworkers donated me sick leave so I could go home, get well, and still get paid.

    But, then out of the blue--this week Pat was back to his loving, supportive, affectionate self. He got me everything I needed; called from work to see if he could get me anything; and even though he came down with the flu, he went out and got our dinners, rubbed my aching back for hours, wrote me a love note one morning before he left for work, and was back to loving me.

    Sometimes I think our men do get frustrated, fed-up, and just let off some steam--especially if they are stressed out about something going on in their life we may or may not know about--and then something triggers it--and they take it out on us.

    Obviously your husband did come back, and did insist on taking you to the doctor. And I imagine they do get fed up with our always being tired, aching, sick, or coming down with some illness. But, I bet just like Pat--your man was going through some other personal stress and just lashed out at you. But, regardless, I know how much it hurt you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    However, all of us have got to stop apologizing for being sick. Every time we do that--we make it sound like it is our fault or why else would we be apologizing? You only apologize when you've done something wrong. We haven't done anything wrong, and we need to quit acting like we have. I stopped apologizing years ago. It's not my fault. He doesn't apologize for all the financial problems he got himself into that has radically affected our household economy. He did that to himself, but I also am affected by it. I wouldn't have tried to drag myself to work last week if we hadn't have needed the money so badly.

    And, he didn't apologize for acting like an ass last week and going off on me. You don't owe your husband an apology--he owes you one.

    Plus, he's using your own words to abuse you with. So don't give him any more ammunition. Stop apologizing for something that not only isn't your fault, but is beyond your control. You're doing the best you can.

    Pneumonia is a serious illness. Hundreds of people still die from pheumonia every year. So, don't take any more abuse off of him; rest and take care of yourself; and it's okay to be angry with him for being so abusive, inconsiderate, and acting like an asshole.

    Pat never apologized for his lousy behavior towards me last week, but he did try and make up for it this week by being especially sweet even though he was sick.

    I know it hurts, but it seems most of us go through this from time to time with our frustrated mates. But there's a difference between your man talking it over with you--and taking it out on you. Verbally, emotionally, and psychologically abusing your sick wife who has pneumonia is just plain mean and no way to treat someone you love--no excuse for it.

    So, just take care of yourself, get well, and when you feel stronger--have a talk with him.

    Let us know how you are doing. I feel for you for I am going through the same thing. Hopefully, with rest, sleep, and pampering ourselves we will feel better soon. I send you loving comfort, Carol....

  4. Annie06

    Annie06 New Member

    Hey Karen...

    You don't owe your man an apolgy, and quit saying your sorry....I know sometimes that is easier said then done. I tell you it would be a different story if the shoe was on the other foot!!! I quit saying "I'm sorry" I didn't ask for this DD.... Be strong...and your'e so right.... emotional abuse is sometimes worse then physical abuse, as no one can see it..... Take care, and hugs to you!

  5. turtis

    turtis New Member

    i gradudated from a prestigious college 2 years ago and that was going to help us finantially....but....well fibro decided to take the only job that i have ever like in my life, i am 40 and had many jobs before getting a tremenous oppurtuninty to go to school. i got a job out of school working in robotics making good money but i had to go through interfearon treatment wich put me into a constant flare...working the whole time...well i came to the point that i could not do my job without compramizing the integraty of the company that i worked for (they have a great reputation for customer service) and after 3 months leave i got fired ...tore my heart right out of my my wife is doing the same things that your husbands are doing. she tries but it get really frusterating to her and i done look like i am sick. i to am having respitory problems and hardlly canmove right now but i understand fully what ya'll are going through.
    all that i can do is pray and that is what i do for all of us. i hope things get better for all of us.


    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2003]
  6. srollins

    srollins New Member

    I wrote all of the above myself!
    Right now for the past 3 days my husband has been pouting when he isn't preaching at me that it is my fault that our less than 2 year old roof is leaking. WHY you might ask? Because I picked out the wrong shingles!!!! Yes you heard me! I picked out 40 year shingles instead of 30 year shingles."WE are not going to be here more than another 20 years so we did not need exspenive shingles" So it is my fault the roof still leaks, you see.
    Can anyone TOP that one for stupid of the year?

    Wow I feel better. Thanks!
  7. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    I am wondering if all the verbal abuse shown to us by our spouses makes our conditions worse? I know that when my husband left me in January 2002 bragging that he was going to tell the judge I could work full-time so he could get out of spousal support, my health worsened about 50%. Still haven't been to court yet, but the strain of worrying about it has really taken a toll.

  8. Fairyeyes

    Fairyeyes New Member

    is what they'd call it at a divorce hearing.

    I have said it before, and I am saying it again...

    Also, toxic people are deadly.

    I feel for you, Karen, honey.
    I left my husband last month. Things have been hard, financially, but I am not shaking like a leaf anymore. I like being on my own.

    please take care of number one-YOU!
    and be well, now.
  9. Laura62

    Laura62 New Member

    I stayed 16 years with an emotional and physically abusive husband... I can personally say the emotional abuse was far worse!

    I was sick a lot of that time...I wont get into details (that's a whole other message board..LOL) but I was on my death bed and I begged my X-husband to take me to the ER...his exact words were..."If you die, you die"...I believe that was the turning point for me...

    Let's just say I am no longer with him! Good luck to you, take care of yourself...You are worth so much more love and respect than you are receiving...Don't ever forget that!

    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2003]
  10. jackiec

    jackiec New Member

    Seems you have all put into very good words the emotional abuse many of us tolerate. May I add that you owe NO apologies to anyone for becoming sick. It was beyond any control you had. Stress of any kind makes this DD worse...and I really believe emotional stress is the worst to have to deal with.

    All I can say (and its from my heart) is I'm very sorry anyone has to experience this...even for a moment.

    In faith and hope, Jackie C
    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2003]
  11. ForeverFlaring

    ForeverFlaring New Member

    The night before last hubby and I were both up pretty late. It was 1:30 am and I realized I hadn't taken my flexeril to help me sleep. I have major sleep issues as it is, and the flexeril first winds me up then makes me tired a few hours later.

    Hubby declared it was bedtime so we went to bed. I laid there in bed listening to him snore for over an hour before I decided that there was no way sleep was going to come, so I got back out of bed. The second I got out of bed,he woke up and asked me where I was going. (As if I have a secret life at 2:30 am). I told him I couldn't sleep and didn't want to toss and turn all night and keep him up, so I was going downstairs to watch TV and hopefully sleep on the couch.

    Well the lack of flexeril and the combination of my weekly insomnia cycle hit. At 6 am I was still wide awake and sitting here at the computer. He came downstairs and started SCREAMING at me that I had no reason to be up at 6 am, and no wonder I was so damn sick all the time when I stay up all night. I calmly asked him why it affected him so badly if I got sleep or not. He said that because I sleep during the day, "nothing gets done around here!" Ummm nothing gets done around the house because I am hurting 24/7 and he thinks that because he works 40 hours a week he is God's gift to the American working class and doesn;t have to lift a finger. He went on to ridicule me because I had not cleaned the house in 4 days, (he never lifted a finger but was sure to leave his array of tv snacks in the living room). Furthermore, I had forgotten to pay rent because I was sleeping all the time. I again calmly explained that he was off on April 1st and very well could have taken care of it himself since I am so forgetful. Then he blew up at me, stating he works 40 g-d hours a week and shouldn't have to worry about whether the rent check is sent out on time because he is the only one to make the money to pay the rent. (Funny, when I worked 60 hours a week I could write a rent check and sent it out in the mail). Well he ranted and raved for a good while and I finally told him I was going to bed. I layed in bed and cried like a baby until I fell alseep.

    If I could do something about this sleep issue I would. Last night I forgot to take my flexeril again. I went ahead and took it at 3 am because my back muscles were spazzing. It wired me up as usual and at 6 am, I was still awake. He had fallen alseep on the couch so I left him there all night. At 6:30, I went upstairs and laid down in bed wide awake but afraid to go back downstairs in case he woke up and saw me. So I laid in bed for 2 hours waiting for sleep to come only to avoid another fight. I think I got away with it but am not sure. He is at work and I am hoping he doesnt start in on me when he gets home.

    I try to give men the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe they feel so useless that they cannot help us with our symptoms? My husband told me a few weeks ago he wishes life could be the way it was when I was well. He said he misses coming home to a clean house, and the smell of dinner cooking in the oven. It is hard for them to accept us losing our independance. Maybe it is because we spoiled them for so long before we got ill and now they feel neglected? I know they can be beasts sometimes but I think that it is them venting their anger at our DD and not at us. Emotional abuse cannot be tolerated though. If this is an ongoing situation and the marraige is worth saving, perhaps counseling is in order?

    Best wishes and prayers for you all going through this with your husbands. My marriage has become an uphill battle because of the effects of this DD. Fibro has caused so many changes and so much loss in my life, but I will NOT let it end my marriage.
    [This Message was Edited on 04/05/2003]
  12. srollins

    srollins New Member

    They want life to be the way it use to be~~~~ well so do we! I just wonder what life would be like for us if the shoe was on the other foot and they were sick.
    Well I can tell you how it would be. We would still be catching hell because we wouldn't be doing good enough or fast enough!!!

    And the rest of the story: The reason the roof leaks is because Hubby hired some low-life looser to do the roof and he didn't know what he was doing.Hubby gave him a thousand dollars so it wasn't done cheap and of course the shingles were not cheap because I picked them out.

    Please understand this is just an example of what I deal with. Iam justing writing it at this time because "IT IS SO STUPID"
  13. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    Is it just me, or is this a very similar theme that the majority of us are experiencing? Our spouses get so frustrated and even if they were once supportive, it does not end up lasting forever. I am in a 9 month relationship, and sometimes I just want him to leave me. I feel so guilty that he has to put up with my whining all the time. And I am frustrated with his impatience. 9 months ago, we went out at least 3-4 times a week. I was a fun, energetic girl. My pain was still there, but I had the energy and spunk that really is non-existant at this point. I am so worried that even though he assures me that he will never leave me, I fear that he will. We talk about getting married and having children. That was my dream, but now I don't know if I will be able to do that. My depression is taking over. And I know that he does not know what else to do with me. Sometimes, he gets in his low moods, and I just want to say "get over it!" And that is just not fair. My last boyfriend that I was with for 6 years could not tolerate my physical and emotional problems. That is what ended our relationship. I fear that I will just keep getting worse and worse and continue to push people out of my life. When things get tough, they use the ammunition of the fact that we are not the same as we used to be. Or that they cannot deal with us anymore. And that is not fair, nor is it what we should have to hear from those who are supposed to love us. There really are no easy answers to this. But we should not EVER have to apologize for our conditions. I know that I am guilty of that sometimes too. It is something that I am learning along the way. I am trying desperatly to remain as positive and optimistic as possible. I know that communication and positive thinking really are the keys to this. And negative people are like a contagious disease. They will try to take over you and destroy you. You have to take care of YOURSELF first and avoid contact with these people as often as possible. Coming to this board is a wonderful thing. It allows you to recharge your batteries and clear your mind about the situation that you are in. You are safe and loved here. And there are other outlets in this world as well, you just have to take the time and seek them out. I send love and good thoughts out to you Karen. Stay strong, take care of yourself, and do not let anyone push you around! You are worth more than that!!!!

  14. NewEnglander

    NewEnglander New Member

    Oh my God Karen
    Let me just say how sorry I am that your husband is being so mean, it will pass, take care of yourself. its bad enough you don't feel well you have to have a broken heart as well.
    Let me just tell you my husband does the same exact thing, right down to the T .
    he throws things, tells me I'm Lazy, He leaves and saids he's never coming back ( needs new material) I get in trouble over my birds, ect, ect, my family and friends were not too supportive either.
    I will say this, I did get worse since my recent car accident. I keep losing weight.
    I don't look the same and I think everyone is a little scared, including my husbnd. not as much as me though.
    so my treatment has been a little better.
    I hope you feel better soon,
    Love Lisa
  15. lucky

    lucky New Member

    to read your story, Karen. It reminded me of my first years with CFS/FMS and the words could have been coming out of my husband's mouth, and I remember how upset I was so many times. However, over the years, my husband has become my best support, and I hope and wish that your husband also really understands and realizes that you are ill and not wanting to be ill. I cannot give you more encouragement, since I was as despaired as you are right now many times in the past.
    My best advice, look after yourself first and try to understand that men are not the best copers in the world, they rather yell and accuse before they are thinking.
    I hope that you do feel better very soon.
    Take care, Lucky
  16. RedB

    RedB New Member

    But, when my hubby of 33 years gets somewhat crabby with me, it's generally because he needs sex. He takes care of me totally, but because I don't feel that well anymore, our sex lives suffer some. At times of crabbiness, I know that I have to put my illness on the backburner, and make him happy again. He's always been faithful to me, and this is something that is physically important to him.

    And, even if that was not the problem, his mood usually improves anyway! :eek:)

  17. mapessd

    mapessd New Member

    This last Oct. i took my youngest two and left my husband of 32 yrs . OI was dx. about two years ago but think i might have had fibro.for many yrs. My husband got into gambling amd we almost lost our house a few times and finally got it paid off but he would take his whole pay check every two weeks and lose every dime of it. And after so many years of his lieing i couldn't handle the stress . So i foound a place for the three of us to move to .
    All the time i was still at home he was no help and always had some smart a$$ remark to make about everything like "If you are soo sick how can you go to work" "if your legs hurt so bad why you doing the dishes" Well i don't see your sorry a$$in here doing them
    The more stressed out i was the sicker i got and that was not far to my kids . NOw that we moved out he comes over and says things like "well you cured now" and "i know someone who is all cured from fibro now " and all kinds of dumb sh-- like that ! But now i don't listen to him and he has to leave and go home, so i know i won't be hereing him for long
    It's hard out here on our own but it's so much better for me mentally and phys.too. But the one thing i did learn a long time ago is not to say i'm sorry about being sick I think it made him feel good so ya know i'm not into that
    Take care and hope things get better for you
    Hugs Sue
  18. BraidieBunch

    BraidieBunch New Member

    Hmmmm....As i read these messages, my heart breaks. I am a 38 yr old mother of three boys, ages 13, 10, and 8. I have been remarried for two years to a manwith a 12 yr old. daughter. I know from experience,,,money contraints, children issues, ex's and life CAN disrupt you "good" cycles. I have been pretty much a couch potatoe over the last two years. These years have included remarriage, change of DH job, loss of custody of my 13 yr old, on and off custody with my step daughter( her mother keeps getting her taken away due to domestice violence and mental health issues) and the cut in child support due to my ex's CREATIVE household finances. Some days, I want to just give up...not that suicide is an option, but I get tired. I am now taking Prozac weekly, ritalin sr and a bit of klonopin to help me sleep. I CAN NOT sleep in the same bed with my DH...He keeps the TV on until he falls asleep and then in the morning, lets his alarm go off three or four times until he FINALLY gets up...usually at 5:30 am...I smile, pray and immerse myself in crafts, or sewing...sometimes my kids Game Cube!!! My DH tells me I need a job. One that pays benefits...but he doesn't make any promises of assistance, morally, spiritually, or otherwise. my P doc is awesome. He is flexible and understanding. He allows me to mix my own "prescription Cocktail" according to my daily needs. He knows what it is like...he lives with a wife with fibro. Until the day I feel better....I smile and look for the good things...but I am glad I finally had the guts to post! BraidieBunch
  19. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    there's flat no excuse. Most of what's been described is passive-aggressive behavior, plain
    meanness and inexcusable. Poor babies? NOT! They
    couldn't function a day with the pain and all the other things we go through physically and
    emotionally. And they wouldn't take to a MAN that way. How low when you can yell and treat a
    woman, but not just any woman--a SICK woman to
    whom you have given a vow "in sickness and in
    health" to love and HONOR~~like a piece of dirt that is just an annoyance!! They are very simply
    low lifes with no back bone and no idea of what
    a loving, compassionate human being is, much less spouse or lover. It's pretty easy to get by
    with this disgusting behavior when it's directed
    at someone to ill to slap your head off much less leave, financially take care of ourselves,
    take care of all our personal needs. And SEX?
    I think NOT! I personally have to love, admire
    and have respect for a man for that~~and this behavior deserves none of those feelings from me! I don't know the answer but I for one am sick (literally) to death of it! They make you
    hate them enough to divorce them and then threaten not to pay spousal support or tell you
    how awful life without THEM will be. How much
    worse could it be to be rid of the abuse?
    Hugs, Bambi
  20. Hippo

    Hippo New Member

    My husband left me a little over a year ago. I suppose I am better off, but I think I really still am in shock over the huge change in standard of living. We used to have a nice house and I did not have to worry too much about money. Now we have lost our house and I had to move myself and 3 kids to a tiny place and watch every penny. He's trying to cut off support, and if he succeeds, we could literally become homeless. Big drop from nice house and few financial worries. He dumped me because I didn't "adore" him like I used to. Well, after 18 years of abuse and being accused of faking illness, what's to adore? The jury is still out on this one, but I do hope that after the dust settles, I will end up with a financial settlement that I can live with and at least a little bit of peace of mind. The abuse and stress definitely makes our conditions worse.