Want to give up

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LISALOO, Jan 8, 2007.

  1. LISALOO

    LISALOO New Member

    Ugh this is teh first time in 4 days I could do something. My husband has litterally been feeding me meals the few hours I'm awake. I just want to give up. Almost 3 years with CFS and I continue to get worse. I'm at the end of my rope. I'm so dishearteneed, feel hopeless, and am angry

    I've tried so many things, and nothing helps. I asked god to take me last night.

    Need some words of encouragement.
    [This Message was Edited on 01/08/2007]
  2. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    Sending soft, healing hugs to you. I don't understand your statement about your husband feeding you 'means', does that mean that he's been unkind to you???

    If it does, I'm so very sorry. There's nothing worse than not having the support you need when you feel so horrible!! But please hang in there, and if you really get down to a point where you are feeling a danger to yourself or anyone else, get to a psyche facility ASAP!!! Talk to someone NOW, call a friend or relative, tell them how you feel, and give them a verbal contract that you 1)will NOT hurt yourself, and 2) if you reach that point that you feel you can't go on, you will call them and let them take you where you need to go to get help!! Please promise you'll do that, ok??

    You'll be in our prayers. Father, please reach down and touch Lisaloo. Let her know that You love her, even when she doesn't feel anything but pain and exhaustion. Let her know that You have a divine purpose for her life, and in time, she will understand what that is, and it will bring her great joy! Give her strength, comfort, and friends who will be close to her, support her, and be there for her when she needs them. And let her take every day and thank You for who she is, and what you are going to do through her!!! God bless you, Sweetie!! We are here for you!!! PG
  3. pw7575

    pw7575 New Member

    Lisaloo I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I wish there was something that I could do to help you. So many of us here have been where you are and felt at the end of our rope at times.

    All I can say is to hang in there. It can get better. There have been people who have fully recovered from these illnesses and many more who have improved. You could be one of those people if you hold on.

    I know you have tried so many things but look for the list of hope by prickles. If I can find it I will bump it for you. There is always something left to try so don't give up yet. What may help you could be right around the corner.

    There is a book that people have been talking about called "Recovery from CFS - 50 Personal Stories" by Alex Barton. It is an eBook that you can download on the web. Not expensive either. It is supposed to be quite uplifting. Maybe that could lift your spirits a bit.

    If nothing else just know that you are not alone and we understand what you are going through. We will need you one day just as you need us today...we are in this thing together.

    You matter to people!

    Hope you are feeling better soon.

    Take Care,
    Pam
    [This Message was Edited on 01/08/2007]
  4. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    I've been like that and wanted to die but I only gave up in spurts and eventually kept trying and it paid off.

    What are you eating and taking?

    karen
  5. mamagibby

    mamagibby New Member

    I just wanted you to know that we care and understand your your helpless, angry, and disheartened feelings.
    Yes, it feels like you want to give up, but really don't you just want the pain to stop?
    I've had fibro and cfs since I was 17-I'm now almost 48.
    I spent a year going to a chronic pain therapist to help me deal with this DD. I also checked myself into a hospital for depression. I learned that our bodies are not set up to be in chronic pain, which in turn causes a whole host of problems, not the least of them is depression. The depression is caused by the seratonin being stripped from our brain-I now take two anti-depressants with seratonin in them to help this problem. It's not a magic cure, but it does help lessen the Low lows.
    I pray Lisaloo for the Lord to wrap his loving arms around you, and keep you safe and comforted. To know that your not alone, and that he has guided you to a place with people who do understand what your feeling, and that we care.
    God Bless you Lisaloo
    In Faith, Mamagibby
  6. caroleye

    caroleye New Member

    For years, off & on, I've prayed to be lifted out of this hell. My husband used to get angry when I'd tell him this, but he's used to it now.

    He just accepts that when I'm in that space (usually early evenings when everything is so much worse), I start that dialogue.

    He says when it's your time, it'll happen. For me, it gives me a sense of some "control" being able to vent my wishes.

    Other posters have given you excellent support.

    HEALING LIGHT****************Ccarole
  7. momXtwo

    momXtwo New Member

    volumes. You know the song by Garth Brooks "Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers"? Well, I'm sure your husband, your family, your friends, and children (if you have any) are very glad He didn't answer that prayer. Sounds cliche and horrid sometimes, but I do believe that God doesn't dish out more than we can handle. That doesn't mean we have to "go it" alone, though.

    Reach out. Right now you are in the darkest and scariest part of the storm. I've been there, my friend. It sounds like your husband loves you greatly, feeding you, caring for you when you cannot...that's exactly the kind of person that all of us search for.

    Obviously, you have not finished what you are meant to do here on earth, because God didn't answer your prayer. Maybe change your prayer to one that helps you to cope with this veil of abject despair, and aid you in finding His will for your life.

    I will keep you in MY prayers. I know how you feel because I have been there before myself.

    Gentle hugs, and many prayers,
    Momxtwo
    [This Message was Edited on 01/09/2007]
  8. Mini4Me

    Mini4Me New Member

    Sending love and hugs...
    Hang in there, girl!
    Mini
  9. LISALOO

    LISALOO New Member

    Thank you so much for your help everyone. I am so thankful with your support. I will definately try they things that you suggested. I've tried everything, yeast diet, FFC's. I have no viruses or backteria except for candida. So i'm at a loss.
  10. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    Hi lisaloo - I'm sorry you are feeling this way and there have been a few times I have wondered when will it ever end. I have been told Fibro doesn't get worse but I truly believe it does.

    God Blessed me with three beautiful children 2 boys ages 13 and 9 and our baby girl who is 5 and a wonderful husband and I don't have a choice but to keep going. I call them my heartbeats and it keeps me going.

    I know it's hard to think of anything positive right now but look at what you said that your husband was doing for you by feeding you. He sounds like a wonderful person who cares deeply for you. All of us here on these boards also depend on each other for support through the good and the bad. After all we are all family here. Please don't give up and know you are not alone.


    Sending you {{{{{Hugs}}}}} Carolin
  11. onnaroll

    onnaroll New Member

    Im so sorry! I know exactly how you feel, please dont give up hun, theres always i light at the end of the tunal, just pray for god to ease your suffering , and i promise you, you WILL get better.....=) LOVE ROLL
  12. abcanada

    abcanada New Member

    You know I've had so many days like that in the last 2 years, and I too continue to get worse. I have 4 young children to look after, well suppose to be looking after. I feel as though I'm doing a pretty pathetic job of it. I've resorted to getting a nanny recently, which was actually a devastating decision, but had to be done. I don't feel I'd have any will to go on if it weren't for my children & husband. I got sick during my last pregnancy. I hope it makes you feel a little better knowing you're not alone. This is a very lonely condition to deal with tough. It sounds as if your hubby is a great support. Take Care, Laura
  13. pw7575

    pw7575 New Member

    Hi Lisaloo,

    Your CFS started like mine and you are my same age. I too got sick on vacation. My boyfriend and I took a week long vacation (our first and last together as now I can't really travel) and the last day of the vacation I became horribly sick and never got better.

    You say it was like you had mono or something which is what happened to me. Doctors think it was either mono or an acute epstein barr virus. Yours started out as a virus so it is very possible that you do have some sort of virus or viruses in your body even though the FFC didn't find any. there are so many viruses out there that have not been identified. Lots of stealth viruses. So don't rule anything out.

    Did you read the Stanford article about Valcyte? It sounds very promising for people whose CFS started out with flu like symptoms. I don't know much about it at this point so you would have to research it to see if it sounds like something you would want to try.

    Also you say you had a lot of fillings. Have you been tested for mercury? That could be a problem for you. Getting those out and maybe chelating could possibly help you as it did Rich Carson. Have you read his story? Maybe what he did could help you.

    OK...this is getting way to long as I have a bad tendancy to do :) Sorry!

    Just please hang in there...I am sure there are still plenty of avenues you can persue that could possibly help you so please don't give up. I bumped Prickles List of Hope last night for you.

    Your profile photo is beautiful! I assume that is your wedding photo...you look amazing! I wish my boyfriend and I had gotten married before this stupid illness :(

    Take Care,
    Pam
  14. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Don't! See? You had the energy to post today and you will again. It will get better.

    This is the most frustrating illness known or should I say, unknown, to man or woman. Hang in there with us.

    Sending gentle, lazy hugs,........ oh, and if you're not on an SSRI, have you tried 5-HTP and/or had your vitamin D level checked?? Both have helped me a lot.

    Marta
  15. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    You were able to post and reply here which means you will be able to do it again. When I am really bad (I have FMS not CFS) I try to take my day in 15 min chunks. Like if I can make it through the next 15 min I will be ok. I have been doing that since my surgery and it does help. Each time you get through a "chunk" then you have accomplished something and you know you have done it and will be able to do it again.
  16. LISALOO

    LISALOO New Member

    I'm going to check out that study about Valcyte now. It might be interesting. I just hear of so few people getting better, it's so disheartining. Especially since I've been sick 3 years now.

    I got married two months after getting sick, it was milder then and I didn't understand what it was. I did tell the DJ to kill the music early. This from the girl who alsways danced late!

    i's like, if my life keeps getting worse, why try?
  17. deliarose

    deliarose New Member

    I hear you... I was depressed and having suicidal thoughts just 6 months ago... Now, I would say I am recovering. It's going to be a long haul. But only the hope of recovery would have lifted my spirits.

    I don't know much about your CFS, but here are a few thoughts:

    My doc put me on transfer factor...based on my medical history.. no tests. All my tests show I have prior infections.. but nothing current.

    It seems to be working for me. I'm one of those classic viral onset CFS cases. And I'm getting better after TEN YEARS.

    Also, I wondered if the FFC tested for hypercoagulation?

    I read a story about how some guy with hypercoagulation was misdiagnosed with MS. He finally got the right diagnosis, started taking blood thinners and it turned his life around.

    Hypercoagulation can be tricky to diagnose. David Berg, whose HEMEX lab specialises in tests for hypercoag, has said sometimes you have to test several times before it shows up positive.

    One more thought. Some cases of chiari malformation are misdiagnosed as CFS. A capable doc would rule out this diagnosis fairly quickly.

    I see you're in Wisconsin. I see an infectious disease doc in Kansas City, Missouri. His name is Joseph Brewer. He takes insurance. He says he has treated 500 patients, and 75 percent of them have responded to his protocol, which is Valcyte or transfer factor, plus antioxidants and glutathione.

    You would need to get on a waiting list to see him, but it's worth it.

    By the way, I see you are considering Valcyte. Brewer uses Valcyte but he told me he only uses it on patients who have had families. Valcyte can interfere with your fertility.'

    Given your age, I would think that would be a consideration for you.

    Hang in there Lisa. I think there is hope for people with viral-onset CFS.

    Don't give up. Some of those FFC docs don't seem all that well-equipped to deal with complex infectious diseases. They just don't seem to have the right background.

    Which one did u go to btw?

    Good luck
    Delia

  18. LISALOO

    LISALOO New Member

    I think I will check him out, probably won't see anyone til this summer anyways
  19. ugogrl54

    ugogrl54 New Member

    Dear Lisaloo:
    I feel so bad for you, makes me so sad. I've been battling this since 1997, when I quit my job. Didn't know I would be going through this much pain. I was always so healthy, and very active. On top of this, my husband is on permanent disability due to an injury to his back. And then I came along with this. I feel so guilty, and now it's taking a financial burden on us. I never filed for disability until 2004, because I always felt that there were worse off people, that deserved the disability help than me. Little did I realize, what I had set ourselves up for. We are barely making ends meet now, and our doctor appts. are taking all of our extra money we had to live on. I was turned down twice, and now I'm trying again. Don't know how much more my poor husband can stand. Thank God he does understand, but I can see what it is doing to him.
    So hang in there, you seem to have a good husband to help you. Please write me back when you can. I will be glad to hear from you.
    Helen in N.O.
  20. deliarose

    deliarose New Member

    If you read the story about the Stanford doc who is having good results with Valcyte, you'll see there are a couple of paragraphs in there about a patient of his.

    some of this guy's quotes are strikingly similar to yours. He talks about being so out of it, he could hardly rouse himself to speak to his wife ...who thought he was dying.

    This guy is now backpackign with his kids.

    Perhaps, you could share more of your history.. test resutls and therapies you have tried, and people on the board could give u more specific advise.

    The first thing that I did that really made a difference in my condition, was I started taking vitamin supplements.

    A lot of them. It sounded like a wacky idea.. .but after a couple of months all my fatigue was gone.

    I have no idea what you are dealing with, or if your illness mirrors mine. ..viral-onset CFS, with constant fatigue and brain fog.

    But if it does..you might want to start there.

    I think I posted a list of what supps my doc recommendds before. If you go back thru my posts, you'll find it.

    It's much the same as the supps that are constantly discussed here.

    Or you could check out what Majid Ali recoomends. He's the guy who did a lot of work on CFS and oxidative stress.
    Be well
    Delia