Want To Run Away? Start Over?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by MsE, Aug 20, 2006.

  1. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Sometimes I have the urge to run away--move to another town where no one knows me and start over. It would be a chance to leave behind the expectations of the people who knew me when I was healthy.

    I would move into town completely as the me I am now. Know what I mean? I would be known as the "new lady in town who has some kind of illness and has to limit her activities, but she seems friendly enough. She joined the library association, a book group, an art group, etc. Seems like a nice enough woman. "

    A fresh start without the stigma, and drat it-- it IS a stima--of CFIDS. Just a no-name illness I'm dealing with.

    Have any of you thought about doing this? Lately, it sounds appealing.
  2. MsE

    MsE New Member

  3. gelicab

    gelicab New Member

    Felt that way...

    I think we grieve with this illness. Sometimes daily! When I wake up and I hurt so bad that I want to just cry and take my meds and go back to sleep these are the days that I hate having FM

    Most of the time I dont notice.. I mean, yes I hurt and yes people have their thoughts about me but most of the time I dont even notice if they stare or what they think..

    But yes, I've been there.. and I have also thought, what if the grass isnt greener on the other side? You know? What if you made this big life change to move and you found out that the people there were even worse than where you moved from? What then? You could always move back I suppose. And besides, life is what you make of it -- join the library association in your home down. Or get with the art group in town.

    Your in my thoughts,
  4. ckball

    ckball New Member

    And I really did do it. It didn't happen in a good way, forced on me but turned out in the end.

    I use to be very involved in pool leagues, because of my job I dealt with all kinds of people.

    Once I had to leave my life in VA to come back here i only had a couple of freinds I had kept in touch with. I was gone 17 years.

    Spending all of my time taking care of my mother didn't leave me a lot of time to make new freinds. Eventally I joined a art club but haven't been to a meeting for a year.

    They are aware of my illness, but didn't know the "old" me.

    Now I can actually go days and not speak to another human. I have 2 of those freinds who also have health issues so we support each other.

    I kept in touch with my Va buddies by email or phone when I had a good day. but could not keep up once I started to sicker.

    So now nearly 5 years after starting over and giving 4 of those away, I now enjoy sleeping until noon if I feel like it. Or get up early and work on my house when things are good.

    While I do miss going out to a good meal and the competition of a good game of pool, this is my life now. It is comfortable and manageable most days. On the ones that aren't I just let go, I have no one to please but me.

    I hope you find understanding and support from those around you. I do know how hard it can be. I do have 2 aunts one is 83 and retired at the age of 80 from 25 years at a Hallmark store, she could run circles around all of us and her sister which is 80 and has some health issues.

    I love them to death but they just couldn't understand why my mom had to go to a nursing home. They would say "but your still young" That is the extent of my family now, besides my daughter in PA.

    I will wish you well and don't worry about what others say or think. It is about you and your intention in life. You must beleive in yourself first, then if others don't understand, you will always have yourself to be there for you.
  5. mymichelina

    mymichelina New Member

    Sometimes I want to kill myself! If I run I will still have pain and just chasing myself......I am a bummer...sorry having a bad day....
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I'm a bit surprised that so many of you have already responded to my post. I guess wanting to start over isn't such a weird notion after all, huh?

    I really regret that I ever told anyone that I have CFIDS. If I could do it again, I would be vague about it. "Oh, just feeling a bit tired." Nothing more.

    I wonder if it is possible, at 71 and sick, to reinvent myself if I moved to a new location? I did it once for three months, but that didn't entail renting out the house or anything. I just took some retirement money and rented a house on the Oregon Coast for three months. I can't afford to do that now.

    Also, I would miss my kids and grandkids.

    But, if it were not for them, I would sure like to be where I'm not known. I would sure like to feel okay socially in spite of CFIDS. Yup. I should have kept my big mouth shut about this dd.

    Mymichelina, I hope you are not serious about thinking about killing yourself. If you are, I hope you will find a professional to talk to. If not, well--I can understand moments of despair, but....please shove that thought out of your mind.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/20/2006]
  7. UnicornK

    UnicornK New Member

    Run away? Can I come with you?

    I'm on the East Coast. You're more than welcome here. Jacob Teitelbaum ("From Fatigued to Fantastic") is here, although he is very expensive. I see William Tham, who does trigger point injections.

    God Bless.
  8. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    SO many times!! Actually, I had that thought today! (-: Just dreaming though...I am broke. I can't buy gas for my car!!

  9. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    Let's go! I would love to runaway and not be resposible for once! Sleep in late, walk on the beach, enjoy the sunset, and make a special effort to get up early 'once' to watch the sunrise! Love, Tam
  10. tracii

    tracii New Member

    Hubby has been procrastinating the trip to go see & all since winter.

    I DO NOT want to be here in the winter! He kept saying we wouldn't be, but he still hasn't put in for 3 lousy days of vacation time! GRRRRRR!
  11. tata1580

    tata1580 New Member

    sometimes yes i would love to run away..but the only problem is I can not run away from myself..I think that I am probably harder on myself for the things I can not do any more than any one else, I am trying to work on it, but like this week is a big busy week around here we are have a new grand baby on Wed. and I am going down for the birth and bringing my dear Dylan (3 year old grandson) home with me till Sunday..I am already worring about the drive down there by my self...what happens if...and if...I know when it comes down to it all will work out but I want to do so much and can not..

    I can go next week!!! haha

    [This Message was Edited on 08/21/2006]
  12. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Sounds like it's going to be a calvacade of cars, buses, whatever, huh?

    Some of you mentioned that you realized you would have to take all the icky problems with you, and that is true. However, the part I like is that I wouldn't have to take preconceived notions people have of me--you know what I mean?

    Some possible quotes: "The woman who was a teacher and raised five kids by herself." " The fun-loving woman who loved to go dancing on the weekends." "Whatever happened to that old girl? She sure isn't much fun anymore." "Says she has CFIDS, whatever that is". "Must have gone over the bend. Mental or something." "I never thought she would be the kind to go all hypochondriac on us, but one never knows." "Guess she's spent too much time alone." "She should get out and do more." "Hasn't anyone talked to her about getting more exercise?"

    That's the stuff I want to leave behind!!!!!
  13. MsE

    MsE New Member

    And another thing...not only do I sometimes long to run away, I think it would be great fun to thumb my nose at a few people before I leave.

    If you care to join me, let's start with a big raspeberry directed at all the medical people who have been such pains. Sort of phhhhhhttttttt on the bunch of them!
    [This Message was Edited on 08/22/2006]
  14. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Oh yes! I cannot count how many times I dreamed of doing just that. The only thing that keeps me here is my pets, other than that, I would leave in a heartbeat.
  15. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    sounds great.

    But as already pointed out, I'd have to take my frail body and foggy brain w/ me.

    Am having an exasperating day in Los Angeles. Maybe one of these days I'll just jump in the car and drive east till I come to a small town that looks inviting.

    I would't be any sicker than I am here. And in new surroundings my allergies would probably go away, at least for a few years.

    Maybe we should all run away together.
  16. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Maybe what we need is a big CFIDS/FM/ME/ETC. sanatorium. Complete with servants and cooks and verandahs and separate bedrooms and a drawing room and rolling lawns and a cool climate and a hot tub (a big one) and a snazzy bus and driver to take us to wherever we want to go when we're feeling good enough, and, and, and.....
  17. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Oh, yes many times ...This may sound cruel but I would love to get away from my family...They expect so much..I have three grandchildren and two great grandbabies and seems they are always wanting something from me..They just don't get it..

    My granddaughter is trying to finish college and work but needs help with the little ones so she just drops them off, they are 2 and 4 and I just can't do it even though I would love to..I have baby sat the past two days and man I do want to run..

    Just a fresh start, even at my age, sounds great..

    How are you doing? Good to see you post..

  18. hob

    hob New Member

    Yes I have thought about it and actually just did it. My husband and I just moved from oregon to florida and I feel so much weight lifted off my shoulders sure it is hard at times. But for some reason not having people know I am sick or that this is just is the way I am the guilt has died away. I know not everyone can do a move but by golly it sure has helped me! I wish you lots of luck and a big soft hug
  19. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Hob, you give me hope! You actually did it! Once upon a time I left home for three months. Rented a place on the Oregon Coast and left all the CFIDS stigma behind. It worked, and when I had to go home I was in tears.

    However, someone else wrote that it would just be a matter of time before the old stuff would catch up with us because people are the same wherever one goes--that eventually folks would begin wondering why we were not taking part in some activities or were refusing invitations, etc.

    I think this may be true, but I also think that if people do not remember the people we were before these dd's it would make a difference because there wouldn't be the constant comparison.

    Greatgran, it's good to hear from you. In answer to your question, overall I'm doing as well as can be expected. Some days are lousy, some good, some very good, some miserable--the same old same old.

    Finally, I'm amazed that any of you are still managing to babysit your grandkids on a regular basis. I don't think I would be able to do that. In fact, I know I wouldn't be able to care for my youngest grandson. He's a dear, but soooooo active.

    The more I write about this post subject and the more I read what you guys have written, the more I realize that the real issue for me is the stigma. I find CFS totally embarrassing. It would help a great deal if they could give it a different name. Something that would gain some respect.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/23/2006]
  20. gramaT

    gramaT New Member

    Now that sounds nice...

    I'm being forced to move and sell my big house. My husband wants to get out of debt and live somewhere else.

    How much is a rental on the coast?

    Thanks for your post

    Carolyn in Ill