We ALL have a right to our opinions!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by teawah, Mar 29, 2003.

  1. teawah

    teawah New Member

    The fact that sometimes we offend each other is just life!!! We are not in any place to judge each others personalities or lives as we do not know each other past these boards.

    We are all sad, angry, frustrated, and lonely in this DD sometimes and occasionally we say things that we don't mean to hurt each other with.

    We are also QUITE sensitive people. We are sensitive because of this DD and also we are sensitive because we are judged by ignorant people that don't have a clue as to what we are going through trying to live in these bodies.

    Just because we vent on these boards, does NOT mean that we are attacking somebody for some apparent wrong. And if by some slim chance somebody IS attacking another then it is the problem of that person and not the one being attacked.

    We are intitled to our opinions. Nobody here feels that they have the right to tell you what your opinion SHOULD be, they are just voicing THEIR OWN opinions too. Do not take this personally, rejoice in the fact that in this great place, we can voice our opinions and POSSIBLY help somebody else.

    These are my thoughts. I had them while reading SO many people apologizing for voicing their opinions in the posts. Maybe our opinions match maybe they don't. If not then maybe we can learn something from a different opinion as we are NOT ALWAYS right and others wrong.


    In love,
  2. Kathryn

    Kathryn New Member

    I know that I have unintentionally offended people, both in person, and on this and other boards. It was rarely intentional, and usually the result of my brain selecting the wrong word. I doubt that my husband will ever let me live down the time I told him to put the tenderizer in the laundry.
  3. Dayle

    Dayle New Member

    who we are & all of us are God's children. Therefore we desire respect from each other, we all want to be liked. What I've found here mostly are people who really suffer. Perhaps because of this they are also people who care deeply for others. JUST MY 2 CENTS.
  4. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    Well said and good timing. Check out my hurt feelings post. Love, Deb
  5. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    There is a responsibility on both the sender and receiver when communication takes place. The sender should be as clear as possible when making a statement. The receiver should not make judgements about the sender and should make every effort to try to understand the sender's message.

    In a perfect world, this would happen every time. We all know this old world is far from perfect. There is what is called "noise" in this communications model. Noise can be anything which interferes with the messages being sent and received. Each of us filters all our communications through our personal view of the world. This is our reality which may or may not have anything in common with true reality.

    Not being face to face is more noise. We "hear" the messages through only one dimension, the written world. We cannot see facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc. What we see written is probably only about 5 percent of the total message. It is human nature to try to fill in the missing info. Problem is that we can make some very wrong assumptions. If our assumptions offend us, we are likely to strike back.

    All we can do is try to make our messages as clear as possible and try to support one another here. We can also try to make no assumptions about the sender and take a nonjudgemental outlook. Easier said than done but a worthwhile endeavor.

    Love, Mikie
  6. Bellesmom

    Bellesmom New Member

    I cannot imagine having this illness and never a person to "talk" to.

    I asked this weird lawyer I saw the other day if I couldn't just check on the internet about what he told me to do and he laughingly told me, well, most "DSHS" people don't even have computers. You know - I think he was way out there. (And besides, I am not on DSHS at the moment.)

    There are a lot of people on here who don't have all that much money but if we didn't have this computer to communicate what would we do? I know I would not be able to travel to a support group if I could find one. It's just too difficult for me to get around.

    But since I have this wonderful place to meet with you all I am willing to possibly be misunderstood or hear something I don't necessarily agree with or even understand. You know, there are days when some of us just can't understand what we read anyway.

    I read over what I just said and hope it makes any sense. The essence is - for better or worse I'm glad I have "you."

  7. baby-bear

    baby-bear New Member

    Mikie said it all to well. The class is called "Business Communications." It really explains the true meaning of communication and how it can be percieved!!! We all have to live on this planet and get along with each other and sometimes things can be taken or interpreted all wrong. We all need to sit back and read it again and again. Think about what the person is saying and even a step further..read their profile if they have filled one out. You can learn alot from one's profile. What they have endured and suffered. What they are going through may help ease up the misconceptions of others. Maybe it will help understand that person's pain and suffering and to be more careful of what is replied back. Just a little-itty-bitty thought for the day..Pammy
  8. Plantscaper

    Plantscaper New Member

    But it requires many of the sensory experiences, lacking in only the written words. Also, we have to contend with exhausted and injured brains that have problems functioning well, at all, at times..

    NO WONDER,THERE IS SO MUCH MISCOMMUNICATION..and as Mikie and others have said we all have our own unique life histories/stories with our own perceptions, and differing realities which certainly come into play in the process of communication..

    HOPEFULLY, we can remember this, and not "over-react" to what has been posted..as it is only an opinion, which may really help or not depending on people's world views..

  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I figure that's how we learn.

    This communications model is used in many classes, including "Business Communications." I acutally was thinking of my favorite prof and my favorite class, "Listening and Logic." This class was a trip of self-discovery by taking a lot of tests for communications styles and right brain versus left brain.

    All the info I got from this class has helped me tremendously in all areas of my life. Not being judgemental is the most difficult, by far, challenge I face. I'm working on it and do try to be objective.

    Love, Mikie
  10. Echos

    Echos New Member

    I believe we all found this place for a reason, for each other. We are not here to agree or disagree with each other. We come here for support and to give support. To find a shoulder to lean on during bad times and feelings and to offer that same shoulder during bad times and feelings. To offer advice, but only when it's advice the other person is seeking, and to get advice when we ourselves are seeking. To reach out to the empty hand that you know is extended on the other side of this screen, and pray that someone knows when you yourself are extending your hand and reaching out for another to grab hold. We are here to listen when the other needs desperately for someone to hear them as we all know how it feels for our words to sometimes fall upon deafened ears. To share our joys that we might have been lucky enough to experience, and to hear the joys of another, as they often fall far and few between. It is not up to us to burst anothers bubble if you will, it is up to us to give it flight. I respond to all of you because your reaching out. I will never criticize or read between the lines, even if at times I beg to differ. Because I place myself in your shoes as I read and answer your posts. I look beyond the screen in front of me and imagine myself on the other side as I answer or respond. Though I feel weak, I offer strength. And if you weep, I'll dry your eyes. If you need to be heard, I will always listen. If you need a shoulder, I have two. If you need support, I'll be your crutch. If you feel alone, I will offer you my company. If you are smiling, I will smile with you. If you feel you can't go on, I'll give you reason. If your new and looking for a friend, I will welcome you with open arms just as many of you did me the first time I came here. We are each other, we share many reflections of our own selves. I see me in all of you, just as I see you in me. As I said in the beginning, we have found each other for a reason. You give me hope.

    Love Always,
  11. coyote

    coyote New Member

    I am glad to read your post. I have also been thinking about this because my supervisor at work told me that I need to develop a "Thicker skin". I didn't know that being sensitive was common among people with FM. Also, to quote an old expresion, "What a boring world it would be if we were all alike". That being said, I have felt somewhat judged here, and wonder if I am not a bit ostracized from the group.
    [This Message was Edited on 03/30/2003]
  12. teawah

    teawah New Member

    So more can read the responses.

    Thankyou for the goosebumps ECHO
  13. catgal

    catgal New Member

    teawah~~What you've so articulately written is something we all need to hear from time to time--just a little reminder that we are all humans that sometimes have bad days, broken hearts, multitudes of frustrations, exhausting weariness, sorrow, grief, loss, hurt, pain, and loneliness.

    If we weren't "quite sensitive" people before these diseases, we have become such due to the day-in, day-out, never-ending, unrelenting symtoms of our illnesses that rob us of a healthy, passionate life we FEAR we will never experience again. And conscious or unconscious "fear" affects us dramatically whether we realize it or not.

    We live like lepers in the medical community with way too many of us not receiving proper medical care; medications to ease our pain; being told we are crazy, drug-seeking, hypochrondriacs; we are often misunderstood by friends, family, mates, relatives, employers, and sometimes even our children many who have come to believe that we are 'unreliable', 'undependable', 'lazy', mentally-disturbed slackers who magically appear to be able to do things one day--but who are bedridden the next--which all appears magically convenient to those who don't understand.

    We lay in beds ALONE, tears in our eyes, tears in our hearts, tears in our Souls while the world passes us by without notice. We suffer in silence because no one wants to hear another reiteration of our aches & pains, or why we feel so exhausted, or can't remember things. We are often fired by our employers, live in financial and emotional poverty, are left by our mates, abandoned by family, ridiculed by doctors, deserted by friends, made to feel inferior, or like burdens, left holistically bankrupt....and we lay in our beds ALONE and hurt, and weep, filled with unbearable loneliness, and long for the days of our "Old Selfs" that we FEAR will never return.

    Like the pain & exhaustion, the barrage of loss & grief we continually experience is unbelieveable. We are prime examples of how much loss & grief the Human Spirit can endure. And in some spiritual way....it is through this very existence we become "extraordinary people". People who come together here with all their tormenting aches, pains, losses, griefs, frustrations, heartaches, incredible despondencies, unfulfilled dreams, unachieved goals, and wrenching abandonments--to help one another--to give what we need to get--to offer comfort when we need comfort; to offer support when we need support; to be open to receive, to talk to one living soul who understands what we're going through, to listen, to learn, to express ourselves.....to feel and BE HUMAN again.

    And though it may create some disharmony for a short while when words are said in haste, or our words don't come out like we meant them to (good ole brain fog), or maybe we are feeling angry, but mistakingly misplace that anger--or maybe someone on the receiving end is feeling particularly "sensitive" that day--feelings are hurt--it is still what makes us human in our world within the World that we have created on this Board. Considering all we have to deal with every day of our lives, we would each have to be "perfect" and this Board "flawless" to not have some disruption from time to time. As odd as it may sound....to get 'ticked off' is still a "normal" quality in any environment. However, since each one of us endure so much every day , it makes it harder on us to have disharmony on the Board because it chips away at the Sanctuary and sense of Safety we have found here~~a little place for US that each of US so desperately need.

    WE live extremely complicated, stressful, painful lives. These illnesses have multitudes of theories, but no cure. What works for one--does not for another. Some suffer alone in a great void of loneliness; some have loving, supporting families; some are poor, hungry, cannot afford meds, tests, medical help; many cannot get medical help; some live with non-supportive families; some just exist; some are suicidal; many feel worthless/useless; some live in abusive environments; some have more severe pain/some less; many have additional medical complications, some haven't felt a real hug or the kindness of the human touch in years, and perhaps worst of all--some live without Hope of anything in their lives ever getting better. With all these various backgrounds and unknown histories, it is amazing to me that this Board, This Haven, This Sanctuary is as loving, caring, devoted and supportive as it is. I find it EXTRAORDINARY, and what makes it extraordinary is the people here.

    I am not supporting disharmony....but when you consider how many people from all over the Globe going through God knows what all come here to express themselves and share--I don't find it unusual that a dispute breaks out from time to time....I find it AMAZING...yes EXTRAORDINARY that it doesn't happen more often. I work in an office of 30 people who don't get along as well as the hundreds who visit this Board. It just reminds us that we're still part of the human race, wakes up our senses to do a little more soul-searching, and reminds us what we're here for.

    "Thank You" teawah for your "reminder". God Bless US all, and may the Creator touch OUR hearts with something to smile about and feel grateful for today. Carol...
  14. starstella

    starstella New Member

    your message should be required reading for new members. i guess the ability to self-reflect and reconcile is a positive example of the "family" structure of this board.
  15. turtis

    turtis New Member

    both of you are auwsome. words said so eloquently !! 1000 years of college could not teach what you have pulled from your hearts. i look forward to reading your posts becuse they hit the bullseye.

    thank you !!!

  16. Echos

    Echos New Member


    OHELPME New Member