We can make this work (sentences game)

Discussion in 'Homebound/Bedbound' started by Soul*, Jul 4, 2016.

  1. Soul*

    Soul* Well-Known Member

    As an addition to Rocks OVER AND OVER again game with discussion starters this is one with solution starters. Or in other words, things we can say to genuinely try and make a situation better instead of playing the blame game.

    Starting words of a sentence that genuinely tries to improve on a situation, like:

    I really try to understand how...
    What can I do to help
    Let's talk about this when we're calm
    I find it hard to ...
    Is it acceptable if I...
    Thank you for listening
    Can we talk about this?
    Is this a good moment to...
    gb66 likes this.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Soul

    I slept all day. Well, that's only fair. I was up all night.

    All right. Let's see if we can come up with a different plan.
    Well, is there any sort of compromise we could work out?

    OK, what would you think if we tried doing it this way?
    Do you have any suggestions for a new approach?

    What if we tried using your earlier plan and just added
    a new way to...?
    Maybe if we used your mother's suggestion along with
    a revised schedule and forgot all about the...?


    (Arguments are easier for me. I grew up in a very dysfunctional
    home with parents who argued all the time.)
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  3. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    I hear you Rock! So did I. I didn't know what a peaceful home was like either, but I'll give this a try.

    Can we talk about this without arguing?

    I don't understand, can you explain that again?

    Let's put the past behind us.

    I'm not mad anymore.

    I'm sorry. (This is a hard one for lots of folks)

    I forgive you. (Another hard one at times)

    I know you didn't mean it.

    Maybe we can work together.

    You can have the last piece of pie/cake, etc. :)
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  4. Starlight74

    Starlight74 Well-Known Member

    How about if .....................................And then get back to it.

    we take a breather
    we get some ice cream
    we go for a walk to clear the head
    we take some time out
    we think about it some more
    we cool off first
    we remember we're on the same team
    write down the pros and cons
    sleep on it

    we call in witnesses
    we use our inside voices
    we climb out of the middle ages
    we take turns speaking
    you go camping...Alone... for some You time

    Ugh! Yes. I know- I started ok, but then massive fail! and Majorly immature of me!
    I guess it really depends on the opponent, I mean, the person in question
    - partner, child, sibling, boss...
    And of course the tone of voice.

    Sometimes, you mightn't think you require forgiveness.
    In the right (wrong) situation, they too can be fighting words.
    One of my sisters is excellent in this department.
    When she's finished with ya, you don't know if you're Arthur or Martha!

    Can we agree to disagree?
    Well, what do you suggest?

    look forward to all the pointers ;-)
    bct, Soul*, gb66 and 1 other person like this.
  5. gb66

    gb66 Well-Known Member

    Yep Star. I wouldn't tell someone I forgive them unless they ask me. I don't think I'd like to be forgiven if I didn't even know they were mad at me! That could start it all over again. :)
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  6. Soul*

    Soul* Well-Known Member

    Great additions everyone! You all are doing great! Yes forgiveness is a touchy topic.

    Love Rocks idea to acknowledge someone elses plan and say can we add this to it or think of a new way to...
    And GB's and Starlights reminder that we are on the same team and to try and work together.
    And to write down pro's and con's is a great one too to give some extra space to put into words boths sides reasons for feelings of resent in a more gentle way then just reacting from resent instead of understanding for ourselves what exactly is making me reject.
    And to give eachother space for 'me' time. And agreeing on disagreeing is a real nice one too. Simply acknowledging that we don't always live on the same page is great too and can take away a lot of the stress too.

    Love them, thanks so much and keep them coming. :D

    We can't remind ourselves enough about ways to make life less stressful for ourselves and the people around us.
    I remember someone saying, do you want to be RIGHT or do you want to be successful... It's so easy to be mislead into wanting to be right... Even if we are... if it doesn't get us to the situation we want to be in it's still 'wrong' to be right.

    Let's see if I can come up with a few more:

    I really like it when you...
    Thank you so much for... that was so sweet
    Would you feel up to if we....
    What would make you more happy in ....
    It would be nice if we could improve on...
    What would be your suggestion to make this work?
    I still feel a lot of resentment, please give me some time first
    I love you, can we find a way to make this work for both of us
    Is this a step that would be acceptable for you?
    Please talk to me once you are up to it,
    I want to understand what bugs you and I don't right now.
    It makes me sad to see you angry, is there another way we can work this out
    I don't mean to hurt you I just don't understand at times...
    I'm sorry, please help me become a nicer version of me
    Please tell me when I cross a line, I don't intend to

    Here's a pic that relates a lot to all everyone is sharing:

    Last edited: Jul 6, 2016
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