Weird question sorry

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Crispangel66, Feb 6, 2006.

  1. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    I am having some bad problems.

    I have problems every time my husband and I have sex.

    I had read a while back where there are others who have the same problems.

    How do you deal with this!

    I wouldn't care if I never had sex again but I don't want to do that to him.

    We are only 39 almost 40, him on the 8th of march and me on the 11th so it is too soon to give up on our sex life.

    Please any ideas welcome.

    Anyhting that has helped you. Thanks
    Pamela
    [This Message was Edited on 02/06/2006]
  2. laspis1

    laspis1 New Member

  3. debfee11

    debfee11 New Member

    Pamela you didn't explain what the problem was. Don't feel wierd because whatever it is I'm sure someone else feels the same way. I'll be waiting ....... love debbie XXX
  4. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    If it's pain, do a search on vulvodynia then go talk to your gynocologist. This is common with FM.
  5. tandy

    tandy New Member


    Not sure your reason for no sex??

    But for me,....
    It hurts due to me having Endometriosis.
    I thought I was one of the lucky few who did'nt have painful intercourse as a symptom of Endo.
    The first couple yrs,..I did'nt have pain with intercourse.
    But the last 2 yrs its horrible after and during a lil.(way worse after) I hate it too,...my mate and I are about the same ages as you 2.
    I feel bad for him too. but not as bad as I feel for myself afterwards. I pay for days~
    then again having FM does'nt help matters.

    we're here for ya~
    hope this helped a little bit
    :)
    Tandy
  6. superdeb

    superdeb New Member

    I'm not sure exactly what your problem is... however I do have a suggestion to the problem I have now and in the past.

    I have usually had great difficulty with achieving an orgasm, and in the past used a vibrator to facilitate the event. Yet now with FM the vibrator didn't help, I couldn't relax or feel pleasure.

    So now I use a heating pad placed under my buttocks and it helps ease the pain, increase the blood flow to the pelvic region, and relax my muscles enough to actually feel something other than chronic irritation from touch.

    I don't know if this will help you or orthers, but good luck!
  7. superdeb

    superdeb New Member

    I'm not sure exactly what your problem is... however I do have a suggestion to the problem I have now and in the past.

    I have usually had great difficulty with achieving an orgasm, and in the past used a vibrator to facilitate the event. Yet now with FM the vibrator didn't help, I couldn't relax or feel pleasure.

    So now I use a heating pad placed under my buttocks and it helps ease the pain, increase the blood flow to the pelvic region, and relax my muscles enough to actually feel something other than chronic irritation from touch.

    I don't know if this will help you or orthers, but good luck!
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    It's hard to believe, but any woman 35 and older can begin to get symptoms of peri-menopause. One problem with it is extreme dryness in the vagina.

    Consult with your GYN doc and see if this could be a problem. If so, your doc can prescribe an Estrace Vaginal Cream to help alleviate the dryness. Or, you may need to start on a regular HRT.

    In the meantime, try some KY Jelly for lubrication.

    Then afterwards, take a dose of 600 mg ibuprofen for the pain! and ... then at some point and time you will have to tell him what not to do that hurts you, and suggest what to do that you can tolerate.
  9. Sunspot

    Sunspot New Member

    If dryness is a problem, try coconut oil instead of KY Jelly. It's good for you, no harmful ingredients, smells nice, and works even better.
  10. Judging by her last comment or so, (which, I myself have said MANY MANY times, to my sister, and my mom)

    "I could go the rest of my life and never have sex" or, she said something to that effect, I don't know if it's pain, or just having NO "Libido".... "Libido" ick. it's a four letter word to me. It makes me really really sad.

    and hon, my hubby turned *31* in august, and I'll be 31, in January, and, I became extremely ill, FOUR MONTHS after we got married,

    I could go my life without sex ever again, and I HATE it. I feel like a screw-up, and worthless loser enough* as it is, then to absolutely know, (and OPRAH, as well as many many OTHER shows, just drive it on home even further for me with their guests, of "the best sex in my LIFE happened after I turned xxxx "(40, *50*, even SIXTY years old)

    Statistics, etc- omg, I could just DIE everytime I hear about them! I feel like such a miserable, totally ABNORMAL, failure (of a wife, daughter, human being), when I'm hearing allllll the TIME, of statistics,- people in their SEVENTIES, having sex 'on average' 4+ times a month!??? :-O

    I DO have polycystic ovary syndrome, AND Endometriosis, I had an ovarian cyst that was flat out neglected, for over SIX + years! by THREE gynecologists! One, I went to for a THIRD opinion, after the first two, who had previously been in the same practice, until one, went off on her own, to quit doing OB, and just do GYN only, because she was 'getting older, and the calls at all hours of the night, any day, etc to deliver babies" was too much for her... (pffft! doing her own ULTRASOUNDS was 'too much' for HER!)

    Anyways, the 3rd I went to, absolutely CRUSHED me, I left in tears- BECAUSE, this was the man, who, 13 yrs ago, **saved my MOTHER's LIFE*** by finding her cancer (endometrial) after she went, ignored by her primary doctor (who is known throughout this town, by the way, to be not only theeee biggest, rudest MORON, but, it's also well known he has ignored pregnant patients, leading them to miscarry in the ER, makes extremely VILE, GROSS, NOT funny jokes, constantly, etc) yet, he & his wife, are STILL SOMEHOW, held in 'high esteem' by SOME of the society..

    Anyhow- I went to mom's gynecologist, just SURE he would not ignore, a cyst that had been treated at that time, for 3-4 YEARS with birth control pills, and just 'monitoring' by ultrasound EVERY 6-12 weeks!

    He was not even THERE for my first appt... and they let me wait over an HOUR before telling me, "he got called into surgery, we'll have to reschedule"... THEN

    When I DID get my appt with him- he didnt do ANYTHING... not only THAT, but, he "patted me" (that condescending "aww, it's ok crazy lady" type of smarmy little fake sh**) standing to the side of me, HUGGING me, from the side, patting my shoulder,- but shooing me out the door, basically- telling me (veryyyyy ODD) to 'find a good rheumatologist" (??????)

    My mom was shocked too, as I was literally in and out of there within 15 mins or less, from check in- to walking out- she thought they'd cancelled again- until she saw me crying- when i told her what had happened, she was just quiet- I know she was just as baffled, but, still, always will SORT of 'love' him- understandably, he DID save her life... catching her cancer early enough to just perform a hysterectomy, and she needed no further treatment, thank god.

    Anyways- (I must tell you too- within a year or so, of that visit, - and, this is HORRIBLE, but, explains his brash behavior to me- this man, we'd held in such high esteem- had a massive breakdown- left his wife for a *20 year old* assistant, moved away, etc.. when he came BACK... he was... 'not right'... but, oddly enough, he's now actually back in practice- with my NOW gynecologist- who, within ONE visit, diagnosed my PCOS, scheduled surgery to remove that cyst (which turned out to be a cyst that is more common in women 30-50 yrs old, closer to 50, and also, rarely, but, when left alone- CAN turn MALIGNANT!!!) Yet, even after it had GROWN in size, my previous FEMALE gyne- flat out- LITERALLY (through her NURSE, of course) simply told me NO, when I DEMANDED it be removed, saying, "I don't care, it is MY body- OBVIOUSLY 'treatment' with birth control, has NOT worked, in SEVEN YEARS, I've told you all along that I AM IN PAIN- and the SIMPLE FACT is, NO cyst belongs on the ovary for YEARS- my body- MY choice-" and they called back, and just said "NO."

    That's when I left, my current gynecologist, as I said, first visit, did an ultrasound, he was appalled, that I'd had SOOO many ultrasounds, and NEVER dx'd with the PCOS, then after that surgery, told me I ALSO had endometriosis- and here my gynecologists KNEW my mother had had CANCER, (and now my aunt, had a cyst removed, total hysterectomy, actually- and, it was precancerous!) and they did nothing,,

    Anyways, my point being, I totally sympathize, if it's either one, or both, pain, or just NO libido... I haven't had a "sex drive" in YEARS, and the only way I can force myself to have sex- is to try VERY hard, to think of how my poor husband feels.. (who, by the way, was a VIRGIN until just before we were married)... and well, u know, the first few months of our marriage, we were like young, newlyweds, madly in love- we never left home... then just WHAM! brick wall, went from (several times, EVERYDAY- to NOTHING!)....

    I try sooo hard to think of him, but, where my endo is located, also, not only causes pelvic, bladder, vaginal pain, but, it's in a place (behind my uterus) where- it causes excrutiating rectal spasms, sometimes... :-(

    Have your hormone levels been checked? (NOT JUST ESTROGEN, but, estrogen, progesterone, dhea, testosterone, etc)???

    Mine were checked yrs ago, and found out my 'testosterone levels are in the basement" my primary phrased it that way...

    My progesterone, was 'through the roof"

    Low in DHEA, etc...
    but, even with treatment, of each of those, at different times, as well as thyroid medicine 3 times (Armour- for hypothyroidism)... my "libido" has YET to be found.

    Please do elaborate on your 'problem' so that we can help you more specifically, as you can see by OUR posts, there's SOMEONE here, who will know what you are going through, no matter WHAT the 'problem' is.

    Nothing is off limits, weird, 'awkward' on here hon, fibro, like a lot of other diseases, knows no bounds, and can hit us in every single way it hurts.

    With love,

    AintAsGoodAsIOnceWas
  11. jole

    jole Member

    You will find many of us who understand this problem. Most people with FM are cursed with it, it seems. For me, even with good lubrication, it feels like I'm being torn apart inside, like sharp knives cutting me apart. Nearly unbearable. Luckily I have a good, understanding hubby who "seems" to understand and accept it.

    Yes, our lovemaking has basically gone to heck, but we do make up for it in other ways......get my drift??? It makes it easier for them to cope, and they know we still love them.

    Please don't feel alone. All you can do is your best, and try alternative methods if intercourse is painful. I for one simply can't tolerate it any more. It's just the worst pain of all, and believe me, I deal with plenty of pain every day.

    Best of luck to both you and your hubby***Jole***