WELCOME TO HOLLAND (living with disappointment)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Marta608, Dec 27, 2006.

  1. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    This morning I heard part of this quoted on NPR in reference to raising a child with a disability. As I listened, I thought about how, in an odd way, it could also apply to those of us with CFS/FM too who have plans that become waylaid by our illness.

    See what you think.


    by Emily Pearl Kingsley

    "I am often asked to describe an experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this:
    When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo "David", the gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

    After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland".

    "Holland? you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

    "But there has been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland, and there you must stay."

    The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, filthy place, full of famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
    It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there a little while, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

    But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

    The pain of that will never, ever go away, because the loss of that dream is a very significant loss.

    But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I loved the story.....and have been blessed to have visited both places. Yes they're different, but both can be enchanting too.

    I'm just wondering why my ticket took me to Timbuktu????


    Nancy B
  3. MelaC

    MelaC New Member

    Thanks for sharing that with us it was very beautifully put.

    I have always said and try to put across to others that yes we are ill and there are many things we cant or wont ever do but we are alive, can smile and laugh, have a home, food etc it could be a whole lot worse. We should be happy with what we have rather than what we don't have there are so many who really don't have anything to smile for but I am sure they do its what keeps them alive. Its what keeps me going.

    So people smile and be happy.

    Hugs Mela
  4. elliespad

    elliespad Member

    Yup, I've been in Holland for a while now, but unfortunately I had lengthy layover in Somalia.

    Good post, thanks.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/28/2006]
  5. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    What a wonderful story BUT I haven't been left in Holland...at least not to this point in time. I could handle that and maybe I could visit with Carla. I'm still at the point in my disease that feels like I've been dumped in a nightmare and most of the time it feels like I've been dumped in Hell.

    I hope others can relate to the story because it is a beautiful story but that is not the way my life is now. I've been in several difficult situations in my life that I can relate the story too but no matter how hard I try, I can not relate how being nearly handicapped and dependent on others a blessing or have I found anything lovely about it YET.

    What I have learned is that life is not what I expected nor do I desire. So far I've learned the darker side of this world...one that I wished I had never seen. I really thought people were nicer. The only positive thing is the friends that I've made here.

    I pray and hope that one day I will feel well enough to relate. I'm working on it. That will be a glorious day for me and my family.

    I am happy for those that can undestand....maybe one day I will too.

  6. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    I'm glad that some of you found food for thought in this writing. It's sure a stretch some days to feel appreciative, I know! And Sweetie, I also know how you feel and hope that things let up for you soon. Enough already, right?!

  7. kholmes

    kholmes New Member

    I really enjoyed the perspective of that article and the geography analogy (you know me and geography). Living a disabled life with CFS isn't the life I had hoped for, but I've certainly discovered a lot of great things I might not have otherwise.

    [This Message was Edited on 12/28/2006]
  8. pamj

    pamj New Member

    I like the analogy... it's a nice way to think about the illness. I've actually been to Holland, and it's beautiful. I guess we have to learn to appreciate the simple things, like the fields of tulips :)

    thanks for sharing!
  9. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    I love this so much... I have a grandchild with Cerebral Palsy and this was sent to me from someone on the Lupus board here when we first realized something was a-miss. I have it framed at home and have passed it on to many other parents and grandparents of special needs children. I too, took notice of the similarity to our plight.
    Thank you for sharing one of my very favorite pieces.
  10. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Yes, I thought you might like the geographic reference, Ken.

    Pam, yes, Holland, like most places, has its own special beauty. There is not a lot of obvious beauty in this illness but if we listen very quietly, stand very still, it's there. It often takes awhile though.

    And yes, Georgiac, we do what we have to do. Sometimes a difficult situation brings out a side of us that we would never known was there - and sometimes it's good! lol

    I'd never heard this piece before, Dona, but I can see why you love it. You know, there are not a lot of people in the world whose lives work out exactly as they hope. Not all have illness as a barrier to hopes and dreams but many more than we realize do.

    I keep wondering if Carla NL has seen this.....

  11. mindbender

    mindbender New Member

    Right down hill. I've been to Holland , and it is beautiful.
    Please excuse spelling. I travelled allot of Europe.

    Unfortunately my Step Father was a child and wife abuser.

    Holland is one of my fondest memories.

    I don't know about Italy