Well here I sit still sleeping yet and it is after midnight

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jul 9, 2006.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am so sleepy but I cna't sleep. The days seem to be so long at times and I do things in spirts. I will load my dishwahser and go to town and come home and put the food away and do a few loads of laundry and wash off the stove, and by then I am pooped.

    I am thinking now that I have been over doing it and have been stressing over the huge water leak that we had to fix this weekend { Itlooked like a MINI YELLOWSTONE with all the water bubbling up and under the sidewalk. It would bubble hard in the mud and I could see the bubbles from the front door. WE lost so much water that our bill will be HIGH}

    Now that I can share with my firneds that my daughter is expecting her 2nd baby I am more excited about it as I always seem to tell someone when I am not to be telling yet.

    I am happier that she is getting happy about this baby. I think that it is because this was such a shock to her that she didn't know what to think , she was just weaning her son he was at that time 13 months old.

    And she had not told me that she was having a rough time of morning sickness with this baby. She didn't have it at all with Braxton.And she is worried that she weighs less now at 12 weeks than she did with her first at the same time frame.

    She weighs 122 lbs 4 oz and with Braxton she was at 128 at 12 weeks. So she has not gained any weight at all with this baby. She ahs to eat every few hours so she does not get sick to her tummy and lose lunch. She hates this and it is someting new to her.

    She asked me if it you didn't haev moringnsickness with the first baby adn you do with the next does it mean that you are having the oppisite gender than the first one.

    For her she has a 15 month old baby boy and would like to have a daughter this time, but feels if she buys any thing pink that it will be a boy.so she is waiting till the ultrasound to see what she is having.
    I just hope that she starts to feel better and stop throwing up soon as it upsets here as she is not gaining weight at all.

    Me I am wondering if the sore throat that I have as well as a headache and a dry hacking cough is what is draining my energy out of me? I was on antibitoics for bronchitis a week and a half ago and this in not as bad as that was,but I am so fatiqued all the time and I dispise the coughing fits I get that last for 15-20minutes at a time and then I won't cough for several hours.

    But I have had this type of cough for many years and no doctor has ever figured out what is going on for me to have it.I amjust tired of coughing all the time and having a sore throat too. And I have noticed that the lights bother me more now than they did last week as do sounds like the TV. I go to my Mom's and to me her TV sounds like she has it turned up full volume when it is not. And the sound causes me pain in my head and ears.

    While this is getting to me I don't feel like I am depressed just tired and sleepy. I talked to my best friends daughter who has just had a baby boy. She was in tears from learning that the guy she wsa dating had passed away this morning from not paying attention to his driving and over coreccted his truck and rolled it and was killed instantly , his passaanger has a badly shattered bone in her leg.

    April was so up set that she could not calm down the baby and that only made her cry more. This baby is not even 2 weeks old yet. And he was born by emergancy C-section so she is struggling with this new feelings she has and how she feels.
    She is a single mommy and she lives with her mom and stepdad now so that they can help her out more. I didn't know what to tell her when she had told me that she had lost a boy friend ,she siad that is was so hard to lose someone with who you have shared so much intimatecy.

    My heart was breaking for her as I know that it is so hard to lose someone who you love..But there is not much that I can say to help but I can be there for her to talk to me when she needs some one to talk with.

    I just thought of this , some times I feel that it is just our lives that suddenly change with this DD and we did not plan on how we are feeling and the pain that we have. Our lives have been all planeed out one way and now it is something totally different than our plans were before this. So is the lives of the rest of the world .They too have tradgies that happen unexpectly and that shatter their lives as well. May be we can help someone who has had some thing that has changed their life like our dd changed ours.

    We can share the same kind of feelings just not the same problems , but we can comfort others as they have comforted us at times of need. I may not have the words to make this 22 year old girl to ease her pain of the loss of a love but I can share my love for her and how deeply that I care for her adn that I will be there for her to talk with any time she wants to talk. And I won't tell her mother either.

    LIfe does change so fast for all of us and sometimes I think that it is just me who's life is not going as I had planned on it.But as i watch others around me including my daughters I see that their lives have also changed in ways that they did not plan on happening to them.

    I still struggle withthis darn fibro and chronic pain that I want to scream and shout WHY ME? WHY NOW? and there are not answers for me. This just happened to me and all the crying and whinning wil not bring back the old me and all the things that I was able to do.So I have to accept what I can do in this life that is going on now. I can still do things, I can play wiht my grandbaby who loves to walk around and likes to have grandma take vidieo's of him as he thinks the lense cap is his toy so he will grab it as I am shooting pitcures of him and my camera is just bouncing all over.

    And later when I watch those pitcures of him it brings a smile to my face and I feel the joy adn love for this litttle boy that is my grandson. And some how I feel better about me. I know that life will not be easy for me and that I will still have days where I feel like a mack truck has flattend me and I don't feel like moving at all. But I hvae to understand that I can't change it, I have to accept it and live with it no matter how rotten I feel.

    Though I would love to NOT have all the things I do I don't have the power to change them so I may as well listen to what my hubby says to me all the time."Don't sweat the small stuff, things that you can't change. Just live your life the best way you can and try to bring joy to others as well as in your own life."

    I have much to learn and to accept now. I may hate how rotten adn fatiqued to feel but there is a person some where that can't walk at all while I still can.

    I may not have the life that I wanted but I still have a life and a family who loves me dispite the fact that they can't quite understand why I am in so much pain and that I am taking so many strong pain meds.

    So I will learn that life can be good and be happy also. I just have to make it so.

    Much love to all and many thanks to you for your concern for me.
    Rosemarie