Well here it -- goes pardon the French!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DayByDazey, Aug 5, 2010.

  1. DayByDazey

    DayByDazey New Member

    A few of you have answered my posts & know what this newbie is experiencing. I know I'm not in as much pain as some of you & I sure don't see how a child bears the RA pain. Been off work yesterday & today. Rheum prescribed 2 Flexeril instead of 1 a day. My FM pain, RA & OA is trucking on-getting worse. When I came out of the clinic after picking up my bone scan disc, I'd not noticed it was uphill in the parking lot. The naked eye couldn't tell, but when 80 yr old ladies w/walkers & canes were booking on up, I was tripping, almost scooting my Nike's in the pkg lot. My fingers, wrists, & ankles are @ 8-9 on the scale. I do know how to rate my pain since I've had my share of surgeries, etc over the yrs. Jeez Louise. Except for my knuckles, my fingers are so tight they look like square nails. 2 fingers are on fire where the X-ray reading radiologist dictates severe degenerative changes...I hurt so bad while at the clinic I almost had a pity party on the elevator. I managed to hang on till I got home. So, "here I MFing go" refers to the psych part of this I've had a touch of to a full fledge Oh my God. I cant go to work again tomorrow. There ain't no way. I have 1 day left out of 4 wks Vac-sick time & no I didn't get to buy a T-shirt. Guess I should start selling my stuff, selling the house (hopefully) & let my new car go back. I've lost it all & built back up so many times but this time ain't gonna be so easy climbing out of the barrell. I'm just getting ahead & Hell No get back down there. Struck by lightening once again. Yep I'm panicing tonite cause it just hit me in the face---again. So, I came here to be pissed, to feel sorry for myself awhile, feel loss, I don't deserve this...yada yada. D it to H. It ain't fair. I know, life ain't fair. Don't you luv the conversation I'm having with myself. I really don't think I can go back to work maybe ever-feet, hands, wrists, shoulders are severe degenerative. I'm losing a career I've had since '73. I would rather lose it by saying take this job & shove it when I'm 62-67 not this way at 56. i'm not gonna say i'm sorry for ranting. I know just how much you understand. Thanks for that & answering my posts. I print them off so I'll have your tips & kind words. Good Night
  2. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I'm so sorry you're in such a rough spot, and you're right, people here will understand. Unfortunately, we all deal with these feelings at one time or another.

    I'm 49, haven't worked in 15 yrs cuz I wanted to be a SAHM. I have a degree in Mech Engr, but now I could never hold a job due to my FM/CFS. My dh is now out of work...for 3 wks now...no money coming in until unemployment kicks in. And now that I need to work, I can't. I can't even get disability cuz I haven't worked in over 10 yrs...sucks to be me!

    Just know, you are not alone and this is a wonderful place to come for support. I've been coming here for a few yrs, sometimes I post more than others...but I always lurk. I just don't always have the energy or positive thoughts to share w others. But I REALLY appreciate each and every post read/received.

    It's ok to have a pity party, I think we need to just wallow in it sometimes. I've been doing a bit of that today myself since I'm in a flare/crash mode lately. It could be worse tho, sounds like your pain is unbelievable. I tend to have more difficulty dealing w the fatigue and weakness than the moderate level of pain that I usually have.

    I just wanted to lend you my shoulder, sorry I don't have any answers that could help you... Just hang in there the best you can, if you're sick, you're sick. That's life as so many of us know it.

    xoxo Hermit