well, i just got slammed

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sascha, Jan 12, 2011.

  1. sascha

    sascha Member

    and by a friend. i know the nature of my cfids is that i never know whether or not i can do something until the last minute. this friend wants me to meet another friend of hers to talk something over. i had just canceled out on meeting up with her two days ago because i felt sick and had to sleep during the day.

    i know how disappointing and frustrating it is for her when i can't do something we planned on doing. but after all these years of witnessing this, seeing me unable to walk, having to sit, being stuck in the house for periods of time, i would think she'd get it to some extent.

    i got an e-mail asking me to 'RISE TO THE OCCASION' and 'MAKE A COMMITMENT' so that i'd be able to meet this person later this week.

    i feel stung and berated. i get where she's coming from. why can't she get where i'm coming from after all this time. this is why cfids people lose friends and it's very harsh and sad. maybe i'm losing this friendship. and maybe it would be better for her not to have me caving in so much of the time and unable to follow through with her. it's very hard, isn't it--

    i'd love to hear your experiences with such things.

    i've had a cousin tell me i have emotional problems; another said cfids isn't a real condition; another ask a friend of mine if i were a hypochondriac. and so on and so on. i'm really afraid i'm going to wind up with no contacts out in the world.

    i hope to hear your tales- thanks, sascha
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Kinda sad, isn't it. Equally sad is that your story sounds all too familiar.
    I have had CFS for over 30 years. My only social life is this board and playing
    bridge on line. Good thing I can still read a lot.

    I hate to have any kind of appointment. Afraid I'll forget or be asleep.

    I guess you just have to make a decision. Is this friend still a plus in your
    life, or would you be better off w/o her?

    Good luck
  3. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I have had to cancel many things at the last minute just like that. Unfortunately I have lost contact with most people that I cared about.

    It's a shame your friend can't be more understanding.
  4. bobbycat

    bobbycat New Member

    If they do not have patients with me and understand my situation well they can stay out of my life as they will probably just continue to stress me out and who needs that. The friends I have accept that I may have to cancel at the last moment and those are true friends.
  5. Puddleglum

    Puddleglum New Member

    Ready???? Heres goes....

    Chronic Illness like a few other things in life brings out your "true" friends. THen you can stop wasting time on those energy-draining, fake, so called friendships. :))

    From your post I dont know how long you have known her. So is it worth confrontation? If so let her know in clear terms your boundaries. Either she accepts or not!

    I was misdiagnosed several yrs ago with CFS. I had Lupus/MCTD and now "possible" MS. I did not get adequate treatment...was blown off my primary GP, when I was too sick to fight for myself.

    But even then I learned when someone ask about me I just replied " I have health problems". Changed subject. Most folks dont really care, they just ask to be nosy or its the "thing" to do.

    Now a project for you....do you have a library near by? Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend is a must read!!

    Dont become a reclusive because of a few insensitive peeps. Just get a better peep picker!


  6. sascha

    sascha Member

    it helped getting your various takes on this matter. thanks a lot.

    this particular friend has actually stood by me well. she is loose with language and misspeaks a lot. she forgets, too- i have wondered whether i'd be better off without her, but there are the times when she really comes through. i have confronted her a number of times, but that really takes a toll on me. I AM going to talk things over with her AGAIN and tell her exactly what i need from her.

    she apologized.

    we'll see what happens. i am going to check out that book,'Boundaries,' thanks.

    best to all! Sascha