well, it comes to this.... update on my 'new job'

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by trinity3, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. trinity3

    trinity3 New Member

    i know some of you may remember my topic a couple of weeks ago about need to start my orientation at a new job and just being too sick in a flare to do it.... the outcome was that i was somehow able to reschedule the orientation for two weeks later which meant that i would be starting on 10/17---yesterday...

    i was so happy and had all of these high hopes that i now had two weeks to 'get to feeling better' and get ready to start the orientation... well, it didnt turn out that way... over the last two weeks i actually got sicker.. a bad response to the birth control pills i was trying to take... and sunday night, my fiance and i had a talk and we basically agreed that the best thing for me to do right now is to let the job go and try to use my little energy left to work on getting better... i agreed to this and was going to call in the morning and turn down the position...

    but yesterday morning, the thought of making that call just broke my heart... and i couldnt do it... i was so sick.. but i got dressed and went in there... doing my best to 'act the part'... in the end i had to leave 2 hours early... they said that it was okay, because since i was only going to be part time the last two hours didnt really pertain to me anyway... but they were a little leary about it...still, apparently it didnt count against me...

    by the time i got home i was hysterical... so much pain, i was extremely nauseous and i felt like i was going to faint... i just cried and cried... my fiance told me to call my doc and see if there was anything she could do.. so i did and she had me come right over...

    she gave me a prescription for my nausea and also a B-12 shot... and because i was so shaky and crying she also gave me a script for klonopin to help me calm down and be able to sleep...

    the klonopin really did help me sleep!! but now from pushing so hard yesterday i feel awful and i have to go back in there today!! only this time there wont be any going home early!! i dont think my body will do this... but still at this point i have to try!!

    of course then if i make it through today... i still have to go back tomorrow!! oh how three days can seem like a prison sentence!!!

    well, wish me luck... i know that the only way this will happen is if God gives me the strength to do it... if this is where God wants me to be then he will give me the ability to do it... if not, then i am going to have to accept that what God really wants is for me to let go of work for a while... it is, as always, in his hands...

  2. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Bless your heart, it is so hard, when the mind is willing and the body just will not follow, isn't it? I wish we could all just "will ourselves well" and things were that simple.

    Well, that didn't come out sounding right, that would not be in the master's plan. But I hate that you got a job that you were so excited about and then your body decided to pull a fast one on you. I know how this feels. I tried two jobs in a six month period and neither worked for me. Both times my body rebelled in such a fashion that it took me months just to feel somewhere near normal again.

    But I don't want to sound like a negative Nelly and I am so I will stop and tell you that I am praying that today is a much better day for you. It sounds as if your fiance and your doc are real gems and that is a real blessing. Take care and don't push yourself too hard. Your body will let you know what you can and cannot do and as you said, God's will, will be done and something will work out. Many thoughts and prayers are going up for you today!
  3. bpmwriter

    bpmwriter New Member

    at my last job, i worked from home for the final few months and i have to say, getting me into that office conjured cartoon images of a cat with his fur raised straight up in the hair gripping the door frame with all four paws! i just did NOT want to go. too many people, too much small talk, the dank smell of cubicles; the workplace had become this nightmare place for me. and the anticipation of having to be there was the worst part of all. anxiety, sleeping problems, etc. don't beat yourself up and if you're not feeling up to it, perhaps reconsider. i've always figured that i'll KNOW when it's time to go back to work. fortunately, i have support system that allows me to take this time to concentrate on my health.

    be well,
  4. SoxFan

    SoxFan New Member

    Try not to think about tomorrow just yet. Do what you can to get through NOW. Concentrate on getting through the next hour, then making it until lunch, then making it to the afternoon break. Thinking about things in small incriments like that seems to help me.

  5. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    well top marks for trying Gina, you've done your best. I hope you can make it.

    I've just been reading that taking the pill is not adviseable with CFS - it suppresses the immune system. You might want to look into this.

    Good luck, you really cant do anymore than what you're doing. I agree with Storm, if you dont have to work then why not wait until you feel able to.

    Please let us know how you get on.

    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2005]
  6. ldbgcoleman

    ldbgcoleman New Member

    I totally agree with Stormskye give yourself permission to take the time to work on healing yourself. It sounds like this whole thing is stressing you out which is probably making matters worse. Spend your time developing a treatment plan and trying different methods to see what works for getting better. Please take CAre Lynn
  7. trinity3

    trinity3 New Member

    for your replies...and prayers... it helps alot!!

    as far as just not working right now... this is an issue i have been fighting for a long time... i am a nurse and i love my job.. dont want to give it up even temorarily! but i am sure that i could make peace with that...

    the bigger problem is the last 5 years of living hell that i went through, dealing with my family... the epitome of non'believing, un-supportive, and sometimes hostile reactions to my being sick... i have been made to feel worthless and pathetic and not trying hard enough... i seem to get stuck in this loop now of feeling like i have to practically kill myself to prove i am trying hard enough...

    i no longer live with them, and thank god i now live with my fiance... but its only been for the last 6 months and there is alot of history and emotional abuse to recover from.... i just cannot allow myself to not work.. i hear their voices in my head... it is so hard... i am working on letting that go but it is very hard...

  8. SoxFan

    SoxFan New Member

    I was following this post a couple of days ago, and I was wondering how you are doing.
  9. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    I have kept up with your story but haven't posted. I was thinking about your dilemma this morning. How are you doing? Have you come to some peace yet?

  10. trinity3

    trinity3 New Member

    well i made it... although i had to leave early a couple of days... of course it has made me much sicker... now i am laying in bed crying all day.. the pain skyrocketed and i had to practically double my normal doses to get through this... i have a doctors appointment on monday and i will need an early refill... i dont know if she will give it to me... i dont have a 'contract' with her per se, but i doubt she will be happy with this.... it was the only way i got through the week though... maybe she will understand this once... or try something long acting or something...

    now all i have to do is go through the 3 days of actual clinical orientation on my unit... should be able to spread those out... then i am in the clear, to only work the hours i was hired for wich are very minimal... i can only pray that this all works out!!

  11. SoxFan

    SoxFan New Member

    Glad you made it through. Hopefully, that was the toughest part. I hope this job works our well for you!

    (I had faith in you all along!!)