What are the different types of people?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SweetT, Jul 27, 2006.

  1. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    I mean, we are all warned to stay away from toxic people. But sometimes people are not necessarily toxic, but they take and don't give. What I've been doing through my illness, and I have to, is not associating with people who take and don't give anything. There are certain relatives and friends who only call when they need support somehow, either money or for me to support a cause of theirs (which involves spending at least a little money). But one day recently I woke up and said, "I cannot call these people and cry to them about my troubles for even 5 minutes because they'll make an excuse to get off the phone as soon as we are talking about my problems and not there's". And I probably wouldn't be able to get $20 from them if I asked, though I've given them hundreds.

    Not all of the people fit into this unknown category. But I was just hoping that someone could tell me the different types of people, as far as how giving they can be in a relationship.
  2. rigby

    rigby New Member

    I know these people if I try to tell people I don't feel good I either need to go see my doctor or I over did it and need to rest. They don't understand I would just like to talk about my problems and feel better. Sharon
  3. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    In any good relationship, the goal is to ensure an equal exchange of energy. If one person is taking more than they give (money, support for problems, etc.) than the imbalance can create difficulties. I think there are degrees of toxic people, along a continuum of giver/taker and it's up to you as to how great a balance you demand.

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  4. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    It helps me to see that my thinking is not way out in left field. People will use and abuse you until you are drained dry IF YOU LET THEM.
  5. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    This reminds me of a Dr. Phil-ism: We teach people how to treat us.

    If we truly honor ourselves and know what our boundaries are (easier said than done), "takers" can't get past it.

    Decide what you're willing to do and/or give and to whom - what your priorities are - then stick with it.

    A counselor friend taught me a phrase to use that works in situations like this. It's "I'm not comfortable with that right now." You can add: "Thanks, anyway, for the opportunity." if you care to. No explanations needed.

    Marta

  6. libra55

    libra55 New Member

    Passive-aggressive is the worst. They are two-faced and deceitful. Outwardly they will be very sweet and agreeable with you, but then they find all these little devious ways to undermine you. The result is confusion and hurt. I've been married to a P/A for twenty years. They don't come any tougher than that.

    Michelle
  7. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Which brings up three of my favorite words:

    "I'm not willing"...

    To support that right now.

    To expend energy towards that right now.

    To go to that function.

    To put up with one-sided relationships. (Those that support me mentally and emotionally I will do my best to reciprocate and be the best friend I can be to them.)

    To be emotionally blackmailed.

    I'm sure you can think of additions that a specific to your situation

    It's really easy once you begin!

    There's always hope!
    findmind


  8. blessedmom2four

    blessedmom2four New Member

    the ones that if its not there way lets have an attitude, if they dont like what your doing or whats going on , lets have an attitude, the if you dont do everything to apesse me , lets have an attitude...Its called control


    then they blame you if it turns into a fight if you respond to their attitude, another form of control
  9. lostmisty

    lostmisty New Member

    They tell you, "do what you need to do" or "it's no problem" and then give you tight lips and a cold shoulder if it disrupts what they expect. It can make a bright sunny day into cold, cold drizzle in a moment. Passive-aggressive...controlling people suck the rainbows right out of you.

    ~Katie~
    [This Message was Edited on 07/27/2006]
  10. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    It seems that I always find those people, people who do not support me. I am always the easy going one.

    Take care!!
  11. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    My MIL and stepdaughter talk about me behind my back and are derisive about me all the time. I don't even know why they try to be nice to me to my face, it must be quite an effort. Maybe because of my husband. Believe me it is not my imagination. My MIL will say something under her breath and my stepdaughter will start laughing.

    One time we were talking about whether or not we would want to move to the country and my MIL said well you wouldn't have your doctors and my stepdaughter elbowed her and started laughing. There are more I could write about.

    My husband and I have been married for 19 years so you can imagine the negativity I have put up with. I don't think I am teaching them how to treat me. I think they are teaching me how to treat them.
  12. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    I don't overwhelm my thoughtless and selfish family and associates, for I don't tell them my troubles at all----------I'm always the brain and mediator for everyone else--------that is, until recently.
  13. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    I let the latest abuser(my cousin who lives in another state----the one that rescued our grandmother from her abusive and thieving daughter---the cousin's aunt) know that I can no longer be in a relationship where I'm the only one giving and I'm no good to the family until I can provide them with information and/or advice and/or money. I didn't even tell her that I have a child support drama---------I just said "severe money problems". She already knows a little about the fibro because her ex mother-in-law has fibro, but that didn't stop her from 'bugging' me.

    I haven't heard from her since, and I had been getting daily phone calls/messages from her, stating she wanted to ask me stuff, or tell me stuff, or wanted me to research something for her, etc.

    I don't expect to hear from her again.

    I had just gotten back in contact with her, after years. She's always been a user and opportunist. I wanted to know if she had changed, but now I see that she hasn't.

    I have to test people's loyalties right off. I cannot afford to have to find out years or months later that a person doesn't have my best interests at heart.
  14. razorqueen

    razorqueen Member

    if other people see us as toxic as well? I know I can't very often be there for others. I try my best to show others I care, and have many times gone out of my way to do little things for others because I care. The thing is, everyone speaks a different kind of "love language". What might be meaningful to me, others might not even see it as anything worth recognizing.
    Because I can't do alot of things anymore due to lack of energy and stanima I have been "forgotten" by people who are supposed to be my friends. It doesn't help that by nature I am not an overly outgoing person. What does one do?
    I avoid as many "toxic" people as I can. Unfortunately the most toxic person at times is my husband. I love him to death, but his own insecurities put alot of pressure on me.